Aku tak Layak...

Beritahu aku tentang cinta dia,
Dia yang aku tak mungin mampu memiliki,
Beritahu aku tentang hatinya,
Dia yang aku rindui dari siang hingga ke malam hari.
Ingin ku tahu tentang insan yang mencintai ku,
Sepertimana aku mencintai mu, Ya Allah [s.w.t]

Setiapkali ku melihat wajarnya yang amat ku rindui,
Senyuman yang di hadiahkan, mengubati luka di hatiku.
Sedikit demi sedikit parut luka silam sembuh kenana dia.
Dia yang aku amat hargai dan terlalu mencintai,
Dia juga lah yang tidak mampu ku miliki.

Cinta... Yang Kau hadiahkan kini,
Tak sewajar untuk ku tadah menerimanya, ya Allah.
Kerana aku tak layak menjadi insan yang akan mendapingnya,
Semua yang terjadi dulu masih lagi aku hafal,
Kerana kesan parut yang ditinggalkan masih terasa atas kulit ku.

Bukan mudah untuk aku pergi kepadanya,
Kerana aku terlalu mencintai dia, keranamu Ya Allah.
Aku cuba yakinkan diri bahawa aku layak mencintainya,
Tetapi aku lebih mencintai diriku, Ya Allah...

Masa ... wahai masa, kaulah penawar hidup ku,
Tolong aku, bantu aku... lembutkan hatinya,
Supaya di suatu ketika bila aku harus meninggalkannya...
Hatinya akan merelakan pemergian ku dengan redha.
Bukan dengan pasrah...

Ya Allah, bukan aku tak bersyukur atas anugerahmu,
Tetapi aku ingin dia bahagia dengan cinta dari insan yang lebih layak dariku.
Aku bukan cinta yang di inginkan seperti yang dia katakan,
Aku insan biasa tergelumpuh dengan dosa dari masa silam,
Aku tak mungkin layak untuk mencintainya, Ya Allah.

Ya Allah.. kau berikan aku kekuatan,
Hentikan hatiku daripada mengiginkan cintanya,
Kau tabahkan hatiku daripada terus mencintainya,
Bawalah hatiku jauh dari dunia yang nyata,
Kerana yang nyata lebih menyakitkan dari agan-agan.

Lalu Kau berikan dia cinta sesuci cinta Nabi ku,
Temukan dia dengan insan yang ikhlas mencintainya,
Insan yang akan melembutkan nalurinya dan mendamaikan jiwanya,
Kerana itu lah akan menjadi hadiah terakhir dariku...
-Amin

Mistakes...

It was a mistake...
Thinking I could change everything...
Who was I kidding?
I'm not God nor was I "His" best creation.
I can't undo a certain past I barely remember,
I can't fix a heart shattered in despair because of love,
I can't give out the happiness that people kept asking for.
I did try to understand and accept whatever I was before and everything the future had written.
But this one mistake I cannot undo has a price that no lifetime is long lived could used to pay its dues.
Meeting Her was the biggest regrets in my life.
Wish I had a clock turned anti- clockwise then I wouldn't repeat it twice.
If only i could say out the words I arranged in my mind,
Maybe... Just maybe the regrets might just lessen a few digit less...
But because it impossible that to undone what is done,
I'm stuck here feeling all miserable about my life.
Even as much as I want to change the past or take a peek at the future,
God created life and time in such that the most impossible to undo in neither the destined past or the blinded future.
Mistakes we make now is only a payment of what the past we had and future we need to amend.
Mistakes might not necessary be all bad,
Sometimes some mistakes is a start of a better life ahead.
While some carries a price that you barely live longer to watch it heal.
Mistakes do not always comes with forgiveness...
Even the kindest soul don't forgive that easily.
It takes more of a person heart to see beyond a person lies to give the forgiveness that one deserve.
Mistakes...
Either you live with them or live for them... Nothing changes...

Death

Is this what it felt like...
The excruciating pain inside your heart, the pain of death drawing closer to your soul.
The words your rearranged over and over again in your mind...
Nothing comes out right in the end.
So all was left was the sudden emptiness inside your heart.
Try running your life against time,
Knowing that death is coming to take your loved ones,
And you could only stood there watching the show...
The clock is ticking,
The level of blood gushing through your veins and the pouring rain leaking from your eyes,
Even the warmest hand you held on becomes so cold,
The pale looking soul lying on the bed with all the attached wires either stuck to the skin or phreak through...
The look of pain that pale soul reflected on his face.
Nothing you can do but try to be strong for him until the end...
A glimpse of light, lighting up a moment of hope that awaits in despair.
In every minute of silence you took, while trying so hard not to shed one tear and smiling that half hearted happiness...
"Death is still coming" that's what God whispers to us all...
Nothing can stop death...

"I waited patiently,
Not knowing when his last breath will be,
So scared and so afraid,
That if he's gone.
How I'll live afterwards,
Darkness...I know you too well...
Emptiness.. I met you before...
But if life without him...
How will I make it through?"

Rained again

It rain again today, just as heavy as yesterday.
The world can shower from the sky,
While my shirt was showered by both the sky and the tears falling from my eyes,
My heart broke that very time,
You only turn and walk your way,
Leaving behind nothing but empty trail,
The tears I shed was not my first for you,
Cried a few times before but today shall be the last.
I didn't understand why it ended.
But somehow I like to believe that you're happy with someone else out there.
It hurts to know that you're leaving,
But I cannot be here to held you back if you're not happy with me.
I'm letting go, it may be best if I did that earlier instead of us being together but tortured inside.
Still all the times we were made for each other,
I hope as little the happy times we shared, there would never be a moment of regret in it.
Love works in such that sometimes in a breath all happiness comes but another turn all the pain just takes away everything with it.

Cinta...

Cinta,
Fahamilah hati ini,
Percayalah jika aku cinta,
Kau lah satu – satunya.
Aku ingin cinta sehebat cinta Rasul,
Ketika beliau mencintai interinya,
Bertapa dalam cintanya tertulis buat khadijah,
Sedalam lagi cintanya buat siti aisya.

Aku tak pernah meminta yang lain,
Setiap kali aku menadah tangan ini,
Aku berdoa, di depan mu Ya Allah,
Aku berminta, aku bermohon...
Agar kau anugerahkan hambamu ini,
Dengan cinta yang suci,
Cinta yang abadi,
Cinta yang di redhai oleh mu,
Kau berikan daku inssan yang menyangiku,
Kau berikan daku dia yang lebih mencintai mu,
Untuk memimpinku ke jalanmu ... Ya Allah.
Kau lembutkan hatiku untuknya,
Dan dia untuk ku,
Ya Allah...
Kau tunjuklah aku cinta sejati,
Cinta yang kau tuliskan untuk ku...
Aku berjanji... jika suatu masa cinta itu ku gengami,
Aku yakin, Dia yang kau takdirkan untuk ku,
Pasti mendekati jiwa ku dengan mu sampai terakhir nafas ku...

Ask me if I was fine...

Dear friend,
Do you remember asking me how was I doing in these two years... And I said I was fine. I lied!
These two years were not the easiest,
I finally met her... My own Mother,
She never wanted me.
Even with her here... I was declared unwanted, an orphan.
But for an orphan I wasn't poor like others,
She would pay me a large amount of money for a bone marrow...
Had she asked me nicely I would had given it to her for free..
But what is a mother if she only could love her sons but not a daughter...
Ask me what I lack and I tell you a parent... But now if you ask me what I want is a life without her shadow in it...

In these painful two years I learn a valuable lesson...
Independence...
I used to love the feel and trill of being with people...
But now I love loneliness more.
At least it'll hurt lesser then having a pal.
I recalled the day when my own mother hurt me the most,
And despite being here with friends at work no one was here to care or listen,
I spent that day crying on my way hope like some fool...
So now I don't need people anymore.
I never needed them then so now on nothing changed.

Yes I cried sometimes but I also learn to smile again afterwards...
So if you ask me this question after this... My reply would be...
It's been hard but I'm better now then I was before.

Tomorrow may never come.

We all seek that special person,
The one that keep our half broken heart together.
The soul that heals our wound,
The voice that calms our thoughts,
The touch that caresses away our fear.

Meet that person while learning to live,
Live while learning to love,
Love while learning to share,
Share while learning to give,
And give everything while praying for happiness,
Even when our share is far beyond reach.
In love, while loving sacrifice sometimes help us to keep love beautiful.
Our love may not be perfect but because we loved,
So letting it go is giving love a chance to find the destine one,
The one god made just for you..
Never regret,
Never forget,
Never letting go,
Love can be many splendid things,
Can be the happiness we all want,
Can be a chapter that we live a lifetime waiting for,
But when given away wrongly...
It’ll be the poison that hurt thousand others.
Love isn’t prideful.
It doesn’t take in someone’s pain and be resentful.
Love is giving... even when we actually love that someone so much,
But if it’s not fated for you, don’t force.
Let it go... go to where it should...
Because in a person life,
You get one chance to love the best way we can...

Someone is made for you...
So if tomorrow may never come...
Live life for love...
And love wholeheartedly...

My Wife... Her love

A woman, a mother...
Her heart felt pain.
Words can’t describe my thousand apologies right.
I never knew any person heart bigger than yours,
A man like me,
Whose mistakes was just loving someone else apart of you,
You accepted everything,
Even the worst pain I awarded you with...
A betrayal. Venom that kills you.
The result of my affair I cannot hide away.
Now, even after so many years passed,
I never could say my apologies right.
You took my sins and blessed that unloved soul with love,
You took my child in with open arms,
Even her mother couldn’t love her like you did.

I was ashamed of my action.
How could I be a man?
If I cannot even love my child how can I return your love...
I was weak when I watch you from that corner you stood,
I remember how you looked at me,
As I reveal the truth about my affair with someone.
And how the result I cannot hide.
A wife can forgive a husband mistakes but not every wife,
Could love him after taking in and accepting his betrayal.
But you did it when I couldn’t even forgive myself.
I choose death because I cannot accept the truth.
I choose death because I was embarrassed.
But my deepest regrets till the moment I die,
Was how I didn’t love you enough to tell you “I love you” everyday.
I’m sorry that I left first, leaving you behind alone to answer my mistakes.
Truly ... I wish my sorry was enough...

Love is....

Love should always be kept simple,
Love isn't hurtful nor is it resentful,
Love don't take pain from people,
But it help to ease ones guilt..
Love is hope and belief,
The simplest happiness one could attain from it is to just love wholeheartedly.
Love is giving strength in one own weakness,
It isn't selfish nor prideful...
Love help people to find faith in difficult times,
Love teaches people how to share will and woes...
It helps to heal ones wound from old scars...
But most of all love teaches one respect and strengthen ones happiness in all ways...

aku...

Kata - kata yang menguriskan perasaan kita,
Melukakan hati semua insan dengan satu tipuan…
Bukan senang untuk membetulkan keadaan,
Saat kehilanggan yang datang membawa pergi orang tersayang.
Cinta dan kematian sentiasa datang tanpa diundang.
Bukan salah hati yang bercinta,
Dan jangan pernah salahkan keadaan atau takdir pada apa yang menimpah nasib kita.
Apa yang kita lakukan satu saat ini akan melukakan banyak orang.
Bertapa dalam cinta seorang insan itu untuk kita…
Kita tak pernah dapat menghargai atau membalasnya.
Hari – hari kita semakin menyakitkan hatinya.
Dan pada suatu hari bila segalanya diluahkan,
Hati orang yang kita ingin menjaga dan lindungi…
Hatinya yang kita hancurkan…

“Nagislah wahai sayangku…
Sesungguhnya aku pohon maaf dan ampun,
Jangan dimaafkan jika parutnya masih terasa.
Aku tahu, diri ini tak layak meminta kemaafan,
Tapi jika diberi perluang lagi…
Aku akan tetap memilih cinta…”

Kita hanya mengikut perasaan…
Kerana itu kita dihukum untuk luka yang ditinggalkan,
Cinta tak selalunya datang.
Tapi bila ia ada… itu lah anugerah, itu lah racunnya…
Biarpun berapa lama masa pergi meninggalkan kita…
Parut dari kisah lama ini tak mudah di sembuhkan…
Tapi apa pun perjalanan yang dia pilih,
Wahai ya Allah (s.w.t.) aku berminta pada mu,
Di ubati parutnya dengan cinta khas untuknya,
Kau berikanlah dia jodoh yang lebih sempurna dari aku…
Kau pertemukanlah dia dengan seorang insan,
Yang tahu menilai cintanya dan mampu memberinya kebahagiyaan

Jika...

Jika kita ingin disayangi...
Jika kita ingin kenali cinta yang sebenarnya...
Jika kita ingin dibalas kembali perasaan ini dengan tulus...
Jika kita ingin kebahagiaan...
Jika kita ingin menyembuhkan parut luka dalam hatinya...
Seandainya itu adalah niat kita...
Bercinta setulusnya.
Menyangi dengan ikhlas,
Setia buat selamanya...
Hanya dengan doa dan tulus...
Allah(s.w.t) akan berikan nya...
Asalkan kita ikhlas dengan jodoh yang ditentukanya...
Allah(s.w.t.) pernah bersabdah...
"Aku jadikan setiap umatku berpasangan... Tetapi aku jadikan setiap muslimin (lelaki) yang soleh akan ku anugerahkan seorang muslimah (perempuan) yang soleha menjadi suri hidupnya..."

Pain

What I cannot yell out is another word of pain...
Everyday I'm dragging myself out only to see the day end with another sigh...
I cried everyday to sleep and hope after all the crying,
Tomorrow is spare me another fragment of you in my daily living.
You cannot see the hurt you left inside,
As it would just heal and disappear over time,
But I refuse to accept...
The love that I hope to cherish just became another lie everyday...
I hate my heart for loving you too easily and hated my life now without you...
Painful and deepen wounds only breaks my soul...
Someday I may get better but tell me exactly when will I truly recover from this painful love...
I wasted everyday in a sigh and I nearly prayed enough to heal this discomforting pain rising from within me...
I can't tell you how much I wish I never loves him too much,
If only I knew since then that living him can only brought me everlasting regrets,
Then in future I pray never to love at all...
Pain, pain, pain...
Please leave me intact,
Even if it'll hurt and blind my little heart,
Please I'm pleading....
Save me from this unrecognized relationship that brought nothing but a lifetime of pain and revenge....

How dying made me change…

I admit! I’m scared,
The day I knew I was dying,
It scares me the most since,
I never knew how lonely and incomplete my life was,
But I never voice out any thing…
I’m afraid that people could see me through my skin,
The real me that was afraid of love and pain.
Until I met you…
You were like a fresh new air surrounding me,
You couldn’t even tell a funny joke but you tried..
You humours and gesture were simple but sweet,
I love every second and every moment we are together…
Everything was better again,
Everyday was brighter and fun,
My friends were close,
And my parents still the same fighting….
Later on after my first treatment failed,
My insecurity became worst.
I knew since then I’m dying already…
My fright only makes me overprotective,
Everything became bad again.
Even when he finally say the 3 words I wanted the most,
I got scared…. So scared the I push him and everything else away,
I got scared that if I held on him now,
Someday he’ll leave me here,
As I’ve watched my parents did 20 years ago…

I always blamed them about everything,
My mother, she always tried her best to fix everything.
But everything she fix… don’t fit its places after that.
My dad, he never been around much,
Couldn’t remember the last time we had a conversation without arguing,
Some how I wish he would tell me he loved me back
My best friend, she’s expecting another child soon,
I miss her, I know she felt bad about me dying,
That the news of her baby reluctant her happiness toward me.
Someday, I wish I had the strength to tell her I understand her pain…
And that I forgive her for staying away when I needed her the most.
Julian…. My love,
I realise love is not love until you say it.
I loved you so much, so much that it scares me.
I wanted to be here with you always,
Not love you now but leaving you later.
You were the best thing God had given me.
The strength I need to overcome my worries and everything…
I’m just sorry that I’m leaving you behind,
Someday when it’s time im sure we’ll meet again.
Don’t cry for me when im gone,
You know how I hate to see all the sadness pouring for me,
Now I’m not scared of dying because,
In my last journey, God given me a chance to love you forever…

Teach me what love means to her...

Tell me how to love her,
How can i love someone who cannot love me back,
Teach me what it means to forget her,
Show me how i could stood there watching her leave,
And how i could numb and harden my heart from calling her back.
Teach me love when it’s fading and hanging by loneliness,
Tell me how i could put back pieces of my heart after letting her go.
Make me understand her happiness without me,
Tell me again how she survive the odds without me,
How she could throw me out of her life so easily,
Even when i had a hard time adjusting everyday without her.
Tell me.... how she does it.
I can never understand what giving and forgiving is in love.
But i tried my best to give whatever it takes to make her smile.
Maybe my effort is not enough...
Or I’m so lack in many areas when she’s here...
Still... I wanted her happiness above everything else.
So Love... teach me truly, what it means to love and not have her,
Because no matter what others say about my love,
From the bottom of my heart it’s her love that i really want to treasure,
Even when I’m being hurt by it for giving my share away...

....

What words cannot say,
The heart hides all the pain within,
The secret that cannot be reveal,
Please help me keep them well till i die.
Don’t tell him why it hurt him,
Why my action broke his heart…
Or why all this had to happen.
Because no matter what he did and said to me after,
I swear I’ll forgive everything unconditionally…

I remember how I saw him cry,
How he turns away and hid away and lied about his heart.
I watch how he faced everyday hiding his tears.
Smiling the soulless happiness.
Everyday I watch him struggle with himself,
No matter how much I regret doing what I did to him,
I cannot take back anything or change everything.

I will... Forget you...

I’ll probably won’t forget you today,
But someday I know I will forget you.
I’ll never see you again,
I don’t even know who you are,
We never will walk pass each other.
I’ll be doing fine later.
I’ve forgotten everything.
I’m happy with what my life has now,
I’ll meet a great person someday,
Love is always like this,
It fades away after some time,
Can’t even remember it being here,
When your love had gone...leaving me,
Another kind of love will come again.
It’ll definitely be better than before,
Even if it hurts now... our heart,
It’ll heal slowly later.
I’ll make living better for us both,
Giving my heart a chance to patch up the broken piece,
Smile the most generous smile from my heart,
I’ll learn to wipe my own tears again,
Become stronger now than I ever was,
I’ll let you go, leaving your memories here.
I will forget you afterwards,
When your love had gone... leaving me
Another kind of love will come again.
I know it’ll be so much better than before,
Even if it hurts now... our heart,
It’ll heal slowly later,
It’ll be forgotten,
I will forget you...

If it’s your heart I love,
Then forgive me for not perusing it any longer,
It wasn’t easy to forget your first love,
But since I was always one step behind you,
Somehow looking at the reflection of you,
I slowly understand,
That love is not keeping it in my arms,
In my case, I’m letting it go.
It’s my way of loving you.
I can’t fix your heart just by standing there.
I understand that while loving you.
I cannot force you to accept me,
But if I wish to love you,
I must set it free to where God destine your heart to be,
I may cry now, get hurt and even regret this,
But like I once say when I return you that chain,
“I’m going to do as you told me to,
I wouldn’t care if you are hurt,
I wouldn’t be standing behind you anymore,
I’ll stop looking at you,
I’ll forget you, I don’t love you anymore.”
I must not hold on to you any longer,
I get it now,
So my first love... this is goodbye.
Love is like this,
The feeling will fade away,
Another love will come and although imp not certain,
If I could love someone else....
Somewhere out there someone else is destine to be with me too.

Among the Crowd...

Among the crowd...
While you strum your guitar so soullessly,
To the music that occupied the room through the speakers,
The emotion you had on your face gave away...
All the painful feelings you tried so hard to hide away.
Something she said that hurt your pride as a man,
You loved her dearly yet all she did...
Was only tore apart your heart even more...
I was among that crowd,
Watched you get hurt and still stood there,
So emotionless before your beloved.
The tears you dare not cry,
I was there behind you crying for you.
It scares me the most watching you stare at your beloved,
While she run to her most loved person in front of you.
I tried to comfort you even while bearing you the truth,
That I wished you had seen with your eyes... in the end,
It’s your words that rub salt on my wounded heart.
I didn’t stand before you hoping you return my love,
But I wanted you to understand that I know what it was like...
When the person you love the most can never love you back.
My intention was innocence.
But you just hurt me deeper with your pain...
Somehow it wasn’t my love I wanted you to see...
But me being here by your side,
Is what I prayed on for you to soon realise...
I’m here waiting... not as someone who love you,
But as a friend.

Thank You for the Broken Heart

Love... oh sweet love
Sometimes I wish to understand,
Why I cannot held it longer,
Why love can easily change to another chapter call hurt,
Why love becomes a betrayal between us,
I want to know the reason to your heart the most.
Thank you for the broken heart.
After spending a night crying in pain,
Watching the clock turn clockwise non-stop.
My senses finally woke up,
Realising how my heart cannot stay here... waiting,
I got to numb it from within or I might just stumble and fall all over again.
Leaving me from nothing to emptiness.
Thank you for the broken heart.
You taught me first to love,
You taught me everything I need to know,
Even the way to console and reject was taught to me,
But you never taught me about hurt and pain,
I only learn them recently... by your action.
But the most unbearable gift you left me,
Only hurt my soul the most.
Thank you for the broken heart,
I’m glad I’m through this,
Standing here forever stronger then before...
It may took me a while to pick the pieces,
But with new love that came knocking on my doors,
I’m glad that it came by to heal me slowly.
Allowing me to forget all the permanent damage you left...
So thank you for the broken heart....
If I never knew you,
I never would understand what true love truly feels like...

My Mum...

Dear Mum...
Something about you that I hated all this years,
Turnout to be the most hurtful lies you had to tolerate for me.
I never understood your intention,
But now I see as to why you rather take all my hatred,
And leave me with only good memories of my dad.
You took in his betrayal and all the pain by yourself,
Accepting all his mistakes and still try to make it through.
You hid away your tears too long,
I barely recall when was the last I saw you cry,
I cannot understand your sacrifice,
But I understood one thing,
How everything then made you stronger now before me.
I couldn’t imagine what he must have said to you when you knew his affair,
But looking at how you shield me away from the truth,
Tells me how much courage it must have taken you,
To numb your heart and put my happiness above yours.
Now as much as I wish to say “I’m Sorry”.
You only tell me “no... Don’t apologised,”
I stood there and hear you say the words,
Words imp sure you never wanted to say to me... your feelings.
How could you make me blame it all on you?
All you said was...
“Because you are my son, and I love you.”
You a mother I never knew well,
You were much braver then I thought you were.
I couldn’t be any more thankful now I know the truth.
So please accept my thanks.... and I’m sorry for all the times you cried for me.
Ren Guang Xi.

something love cannot give...

Something you did that broke my heart,
Something that forgiveness is hard to give and pain keep coming.
I’m not such a great person,
I can only accept small mistakes and forgive them,
But when it’s betrayal we talked about,
My heart cannot absorb such pain.
I cannot hid away my tears from my broken heart,
Nor was I capable enough to lie and pretend it’ll be better later.
When you make me leave first back then,
I swear I’ll never come back,
If I did so, it was for something I had to do.
But above it all nothing can change my decision.
I wasted all my love for someone like you,
I’ve given so much for you,
But in return all I ever got was more hurt then before.
Don’t tell me about loving me anymore,
Because all I heard was more lies after another.
This is not the time to ask me for anything.
Because at the depth of my heart there is nothing more I have to offer.
Not even a pinch of forgiveness for you.
Now you need to leave,
I want you to go away,
Don’t come back trying to turn back time,
Don’t apologise for the past.
Because if you do, everything about us will become such a lie,
So spare me from those last bit of pain you’re about to inflict in me.
Remember what I tell you before,
It was how sometimes when happiness begins to leave,
Love will stop becoming your wall of support,
And when everything is going down and fading,
What’s the use of holding on to love?
Even when the second chance comes your way.
For us both....
Whatever happens in the future,
Don’t regret this day,
When we both decided to let love go its separated ways.

Raining Day... I learn to live again

On every drown from the universe,
The world flooded from the crying sky,
I missed you the most in that time.
While being soaked and drenched by the sky,
My heart clenched in the coldness that wraps within me,
The numbness of my heart keeps the pain so ever,
Fresh in my last bit memories of you.
And all the fear and wound ripped back open,
All the time I took to heal it,
Wasted effort but nothing changed since.
I was always that girl that cry my pain in silence in front others.
And even when my heart broke too many times before my love,
It’s my heart, me he never sees crying.
I tried screaming the pain to release the burden that only weight me down,
But my voice never reached him even when I’m here before him.
I couldn’t love nor cry for myself cause all this time,
I only tried my best to savage what’s left between love and him.
I didn’t see loneliness coming till it knocked open my doors,
It took over me too soon before I could barely content my own heart at hand.
The feeling of trapped not able to go back or forward,
What do he knows about it.
I had to swallow that guilt for hurting him subconsciously,
I had to bear all the pain alone of being hurt in return.
I carried the blame on my shoulders and shut my heart from saying the truth.
Even when the truth could set me free from him...
Everyday I watch him hurt me, scared me deeper like a sharp knife,
Stabbing me and slicing through my skin.
While bleeding half dead here alone, no help came to aid me.
I remember me holding my knees to my chest to comfort my wounds,
Till I finally said to my soul “enough, this is enough!”
I hold back my tears for as long I recall how to start breathing again,
Run through those doors forced it open,
And the surrounding started raining that very day.
I recall myself... learning to live again...

Blown away with the wind.. my love.

Death has finally came,
Taking you away from my arms,
Leaving nothing at hold,
How do you love someone whose ashes blown by the winds?
Nothing left behind except your pictures.
And memories of you still lingers here,
I stood here in the corner where the sunshine,
Here is the warmest corner where your scent your touch,
Strongly felt just by sitting here cuddle my soul.
When I miss you the most, unbearable...
My heart cried the tears that I couldn’t when I sent you away,
I needed the strength to live this trough,
So forgive me if I throw away your things,
I need to let you go since the day I choose the wind to carry you away.
I know it’ll take a while before I could live again.
But I need to do this for me,
It’s not that I hate you for leaving me here alone,
But I needed to live with this chapters of you closed,
Before I die here crying every minute because I missed you so.
Your depart was the biggest blow I had swallow alone.
I thought I was strong enough to hold it in me,
But I guess I wasn’t that strong as I thought I was,
I thought I became numb that first night without you here,
But as the night grow with each passing day,
The loneliness makes me scared of forgetting you,
The darkness keeps coming and the silence in this room...
Were all my fears I used to cry for in your arms then?
Please forgive me my love,
I apologise with all my heart for this.
If I forget and go now,
Even if it thew away your things and half of these pictures of you,
I promise you one thing, with all my heart you’ll be the only person,
I truly and always will be in loved with you.
Somewhere in the depth of my heart you’ll be the only one,
That occupies the corners of it.
I promise you this.
So love if you had to leave, Go...

Loneliness.. is scary

Loneliness is scary,
Trapped and in pain,
Screaming the word no one would hear,
Loneliness is really scary,
Especially in the darkness that wraps one from within.
The agony one felt can never reach others.
Loneliness is really scary,
The silence could kill a heart,
The quietness is unbearable.
Loneliness is hurting,
Stabbed and bleeding,
The heart could barely contain it sorrows.
Loneliness is punishment,
What you give to be free,
A price you pay for the damage you cause.
Loneliness is a burden,
Heavier weight shouldered alone,
Weighing down, slowly draining your strength.
Loneliness is fear,
Afraid of being here by yourself,
Fear for the words people says, always afraid.
Sometimes... when loneliness comes and swallows me in,
The feeling of being blind here alone,
Takes me away from reality that cannot change to accommodate my broken heart.
There are times loneliness gives me the comfort,
But most of it only encourages me to build that strong invisible wall,
To keep me safe the second time I’m hurt by love again..

your memories...

I understand...
The fear one has if a precious friend suddenly wakes up,
I’m always afraid that your memories would come back.
When you remember,
Everything real will become a lie in a blink.
Whatever that makes you happy now might only hurt you later.
I know I shouldn’t hide the truth about my heart.
But I gamble on everything that day when you told me you loved him.
I gamble on luck against destiny and love against ignorance,
I give up my heart to keep yours at hand,
And risk everything for the love you had attained above my own.
I knew ever since I had hurt him so much,
By making him accept you, loved you and stayed by you.
I saw through his eyes how much it grief him to let love like ours go,
Likewise we both did what was necessary for you,
Even it’s against our heart against our love... for a friend.
The time may continue to bring you both together,
But it’ll never decrease the amount of fear I had,
If your memories comes back.
You’ll hate me by then.
And that a risk I must take even if my intention was good.

I Think of him, but

I think of him every day,
My days were filled with thoughts of him,
The first time I met him,
How he makes my heart throb,
The way he called my name so gently whispering them to me,
How warm his touch felt on my skin,
I think of him every day...
That smile that he always shows only to me,
The laughter’s I hear that echoes through my ears,
The tender touch I knew that wipe away my every tears,
I think of him every day.
But then he had to go far away too sudden,
The warmth slowly disappears from my soul.
I was never afraid of pain,
But now I tell you I lie when I say those words.
I’m afraid of being here alone covered in coldness and pain.
I’m scared that with this coldness I’ll become numb,
Soon the silence will come and swallow me in,
And with this silence I will eventually forget him,
I refuse to forget, so I put on this music on continuously,
Always playing them non-stop,
When I go places where he once stood there,
I couldn’t help myself to keep looking around me,
Hopefully a glimpse of his smiling face still lingers there.
But I was always left with disappointment,
Even if I wanted him here just a little longer,
He could never comeback,
Even when I cry begging the God to let me say my goodbye,
He’ll never come back.
I know it’s foolish when I say I’ll think of him every day,
But if I don’t do so, I’ll lose him here and everything.
I can’t be here if he isn’t coming back.
It’s like living but without a heart.
Heartless and hurtful.

I Cried

That every minute you cherished, the special moments,
You kept them all inside even while facing the loneliness.
I was only trying to run away pushing those memories out of my mind,
Even when I already knew the truth,
It’s my identity I’m afraid to reveal to you.
Even when the depth of my heart could barely contain your flowing tears,
It’s the truth I’m most afraid you knew now then later on.
Even when I showering you with that love I thought I lost before,
It’s still you that I barely get to hold on long enough for you to love me in return,
I wanted so much to scream my longing for you,
Run to you whenever you called, hold you close like before.
But every time you looked at me with those soft gentle eyes of yours,
I knew it’s my previous image of myself flashed before you.
You would tear the pain for hurting me then,
But you never could see me now all changed and revengeful before you.
You believed in our love like it’s a treasure worth losing your life for,
While I stood there hurting you over and over again with lies told from the past.
When I saw you broke apart just by looking at me,
Screaming for me all hurtful and on your knees begging me,
I realised I hurt you too much,
I’m unworthy for that love you guarded all this time.
So now inside while looking at your back facing my gaze,
Deep inside I regretted that pain I inflicted upon you.
I regretted the years I made you cry for,
I hated myself for all those tears I left you crying for now.

kasihku... pergi lah

Saya meminta cinta yang ikhlas dari awak,
Bukan luka dari kekasih lama,
Saya bukan dia yang meninggalkan awak terpana tanpa kata- kata,
Saya bukan dia yang menguris naluri lelaki awak dan melukai jiwa awak.
Saya hanya insan yang ingin cinta saya dibalas,
Kerana saya sayangkan awak.
Saya kasihkan awak.
Mengapa bayangan dia sentiasa melekat dengan mata awak,
Sampai setiap kali awak melihat saya,
Awak selalu memanggil namanya.
Kenapa awak tak yakin dengan cinta saya.
Kurang ke cinta yang saya berikan selama ini?
Terlalu sikit ke kasih saya pada awak,
Sampai awak tak dapat melihat hati saya di depan awak.
Awak keliru, dengan perasaan awak,
Sampai ada kala saya rasa awak tak pernah mencintai saya.
Setiap kali saya cuba memberi sedikit kepercayaan pada awak,
Tapi awak musnahkan kepercayaan saya.
Awak selalu robak hati saya dengan tipu hela awak,
Tetapi saya tetap sabah dan menerima semua ini.
Awak lukakan jiwa saya dengan racun masa silam awak,
Saya ambil semua ini dengan ikhlas, tanpa mengeluh penat
Walaupun semakin lama jiwa saya menjadi mati rasa,
Sehingga hati saya terguris hinggalah ia tak punya nyawa lagi.
Tapi awak, kalau awak punya sedikit ihsan,
Pusinglah kebelakang, lihatlah saya.
Saya janji, saya memaksa awak menerima saya apa adanya,
Kalau awak ingin saya lepapskan, saya rela ditinggalkan,
Asal awak janji pada saya yang awak akan terus berhidup,
Awak mesti janji pada saya yang awak akan mencari kebahagiaan.
Dan saya rela awak pergi, dari serus terseksa untuk membalas cinta saya.

The day we broke up

I knew this day was coming,
The word goodbye that you say from those lips,
They were not words you arrange overnight,
I hate those words,
The cruelty it meant and the leaving and the heartache,
I hate them all.
I refuse to see the ending was coming,
But I had no choice but to accept it all with an open mind.
I didn’t want you to see my true self,
That always cries since the first you lie.
Looking at my tears flowing will only make you see,
How ordinary and weak I was.
So I took the blow like some strong wall while clenching my fist,
Like an angry broken pillar inside.
I couldn’t cry the pain or scream the unhappiness you left.
All I did was shake your hand and walk away first.
Like a coward running before the pain begins.
When I finally stop at a distance and turn around,
I saw you hugging her in those arms,
And my heart tore apart because it hurts so much...
I bend down on the ground,
Holding my knees to my chest and cry the pain out.
The reality is so cruel to me,
You found love at the risk of me, who had to lose everything.
It’s not fair, so not fair.
I cried hard for my own heart, while bursting the words unfair inside my chest.

I need her just as I needed you..

I remember how i always tell you,
“You’ll be my first and my last.”
But if I tell you now, that you’re not my only one,
Will you hate me for that?
I couldn’t help myself to always want her,
To love her just the same way I’ve loved you.
I needed her in my life,
My heart wanted her here so bad.
Even though I know it’ll hurt you,
I gamble my luck to make her stay by me through out .
I wouldn’t tell you my regrets for breaking your heart.
Because if I say so, then I’m betraying love itself.
I wouldn’t make you stay to see me as a man i was before,
Nor will I let her leave so i could have you.
I know no matter how much I hope you stay to understand me,
It’s only my wishful thinking you’ll see through me.
Her, I needed her to make me see life i missed the most.
The freedom I wanted to cherish with her,
I wouldn’t force you to accept my hunger for her love.
But if you believe love is not like this, and that the pain...
Is just too much for your heart to bear,
I wouldn’t hold it against you if you wish to leave me.
Because while embracing her love then,
I already knew i’m hurting you since,
I don’t expect to be forgiven but if you truly love someone,
Then all the way till the end it’s happiness you wish for them to hold.
Someday you’ll find a love that makes you see the happiness,
I’ve attain by keeping her here with me.

Reflection of her i need to let go.

I was her reflection,
In your eyes, I’m always her.
A vision that always makes your heart skipped.
While looking at me,
It’s her shadow that you only notice not mine.
While I spent the time looking at you,
You, whom made my heart beat a seconds faster,
While looking at you, while trying my best to love you.
Trying my hardest to be myself but keeping a piece of her in my heart.
The time always stopped the moment our eyes met.
The heart that yearns for you to see me and only me...
Hurts when I know you imagine me as her all the time.
Even though I give so much to be different from her,
Just because I had her heart... it’ll still be her that you see.
Her whom you loved had gone with the wind,
Always awaits your presence in heaven..
But I'm here waiting for you to turn around and look at me,
Stood there long enough for you to see but you never would.
My heart burns everyday, the disappointment I had,
Knowing you couldn’t let go,
I got tired of waiting at the side lines,
If I want to be happy for once,
Then I got to choose between you and my life.
If I knew having a new heart would make you come to my arms,
But only to wound me with memories of the owners heart,
Then I wished I never had it in the first place?
I never want to love for the first time if I knew I’ll be hurt.
So I choose my life without you.
I don’t need love if it’s broken and painful.
That’s not how love should be at all.
Me longing for you all the time,
While you stubbornly stayed here looking for pieces of me that resembles her.
Not any more... I’m letting myself go,
Allowing you to have this last moment by yourself to think...
While I decide to turn away and leave you first.

What If...

What and If...
Are just words, but if you put them together...
They became a phase that haunts you.
What if. What if...
I’m telling you... that you were wrong from the start?
The love you let go for someone else to embrace,
What if I say that it’s a mistake?
She whom you loved dearly, leaving you...
All because you wanted her to be happy.
What if I say without you by her side happiness can never reach her?
What would you do about that?
Her world collapse when you decide to leave,
Her heart broke when you threw her away like that.
Her love is weak as you thought it was,
Too bad you couldn’t cherish her like you said you would.
What if I tell you that she only needs you all her life,
And without you all her faith and strength vanished.
As a friend, heed my advice.
I stood there watching her sacrifice every bit for you,
I don’t know what a love like Romeo and Juliet feels like,
But if you truly want to be embraced by true love,
Never let go of her hand again...

I ... behind you

I was always there...
Always a step away from holding you.
I moved along with you every day,
Every step i’ve taken...
Every years that passed me by since we met...
I’m always right here, behind you.
My feeling can never reach you.
Even when i’m practically pouring my heart at you,
It’s his love you’ve embrace above mine...
But knowing he was your love, my best friend.
I swallow my pride as a man by calling myself your friend.
I was your wall when you almost collapse.
The support you knew would come to your comfort...
No matter what happen i was always a ring away.
But you still couldn’t see me as a man i was before you.
The pain i felt watching you cry for his mistakes.
The hurt i've watched you swallow for his love,
My heart cried for you every time...
I wisper the words of seperation,
Screaming it in my heart so loud,
But everytime i turn to you.
All the words i've arrange inside, wouldn’t be heard from my lips.
The moment i picture your crying face,
My heart can’t bear such pain...
As much as i hated myself for being so helpless...
Even with so little i could give for you,
I rather love you in silence and continue to be that fool,
Always there beside you... always behind you.

For the last time...

Dear Love,
I know you’re hurt...
The throbbing pain in your heart hurt,
I know... I really know that pain there.
Don’t hide it by lying,
That only makes the pain heavier to bear.
No matter how hard I try to help you,
No matter how much I give to love you longer,
All the effort and precaution I’ve taken,
Were never enough to protect the wall of your heart,
From getting the hurt I’m about to inflict...
Even when I apologise and cried on my knees,
The pain you swallow for loving me,
Only cause your heart to break apart cruelly...
So if you ask anything of me...now,
Separation is all I could offer to ease your pain.
Forgive me.
Let me take this time by making this right again.
Allow me to leave you, let me go...
I need to try my best to save you from the destruction of my love.
Even if it’ll hurt me so for letting you go.
From the bottom of my heart...
If I could give you the last miracle in this love,
Is the ability to give you another person love from the beginning...

when I'm hurt... for you my love

Love... when it hurts,
The pain becomes unbearable.
The hurt I felt inside torn away my soul,
The words you say can’t even calm me down.
My heart that hurt,
Can’t recognise your face even when I loved you so much.
My eyes become blind because my tears can’t stop its flow...
Slowly I see myself thrown in darkness,
I cannot love anyone anymore, not even myself.
Look what you did to me. Look...
The word Sorry don’t carry any weight from your lips,
Everything you tried to do for me now,
Only deepen my wound with the knife you used to stab me.
How can you call this love?
When all you ever did was kill me from the start.
Separation comes to me...
Sooner than I expected from you,
My love became a lie because of your words,
My heart broke when I saw you run to her,
Why must you be so cruel?
Love... it hurts,
I scream out my pain.
But you still had to leave me ... so go away now.
Before I die in pain for loving you first.
Don’t let my love becomes a regret,
It’s too much for me to swallow.
Don’t make me regret my love for you...
Leave me.

Maybe I.

i should never get this eyes,

if i knew seeing is believeing.

i should never get this eyes,

i f i knew it could kill to see.

i should never get this eyes,

it it'll bring such pain to my heart.

i should never get this eyes...

if life become this miserable for me.

i'm used to the darkness in my surrounding.

because i was born that way...

i live my life from day to day,

even when it was a struggle to move about..

at least i was at my most happiest time.

now that i got vision of the world i never knew...

initially i thought i was such pretty places here...

but i regreted it.

i take it back...

i never want to see the him or the world ever again

knowing with eyes to see i could find love,

find some one who'll love me for real.

i met that one person i thought was fate...

then i'm so wrong...

he didn't love me at all,

he was pretending to love me...

my eyes reminded him of his love,

it's his love he saw while staring at me

his love left him here...

so i was just a replacement...

he can never truly love me.

i shouldn't have met him,

i hated my eyes,

i never want to see again,

i wish i was blind again.

at least i could hide myself from being hurt like this.

That day... You went away

I did my best to not cry,
I did my hardest to hide my tears,
But somehow it all kept overflowing,
I didn’t want you to see me like this...
So forgive me for loving you first.

That day...
As we part, you kept walking...
You turn around and walked away...
While i stood there watching you do so,
Had you turn around just once,
I swear... somehow from my face you’ll
See me asking you to stay.

Stop right where you are now...

Stop saying sorry,
Stop apologising to me,
The wound you inflicted to me,
I’ll never forget them,
I fear I may never recover from this hurt.

Stop telling me about your regrets,
Stop saying thing like “it’ll be okay!”
This pain you’ve given me,
It’s a nightmare in my sleep,
I’m scared to be awake and asleep.

Stop coming towards me,
Stop finding me,
I don’t need any more venom,
This poison is burning my soul,
I’m dying inside can’t you even see that.

Stop lying to me,
Stop pretending like you loved me,
Your words... they are knife sharp,
Stabbing me from inside out,
I’m bleeding is that not enough?

Stop... don’t ever fix my heart,
Such pain can’t be recovered overnight,
They say you’ll change,
Stop ... don’t even try to change for me,
You’ll only hurt me more later.

You should be going now,
I don’t need you here,
To amend the pain you imprinted on me,
The wounds you’ll never understand why it even bled,
How can you fix my heart...?

Stop, just stop...

Would you please... let me leave?

These days will help me to slowly forget,
The torment I felt for loving you,
The hurt I felt for staying here longer,
The regrets I’ve swallow for you all this time,
The silence I’ve live in to protect you,
Everything ends today...
I wouldn’t be the foolish one to continue,
I’ve had it with my love,
I’m tired now,
I can no longer bring myself to lie and pretend,
I cannot turn blind on myself,
To not see what as obvious as breathing.
You cheated on my feelings,
How could you do that to me,
I’ve given you everything,
I’m not a thing that does nothing anymore.
I’ve watched enough.
How could i be so stupid?
I forgive you the first time,
Because I thought you’ll change,
I’m foolish aren’t I?
To have forgive you too many times,
They say someday I’ll regret forgiving you,
Well it’s true... I did
You could never understand,
As to why forgiveness comes too easy for me,
It’s because I loved you too much,
I thought you understand that..
But you just had to ruin everything for me,
Remember that one evening when I sat right across you,
When I asked if you wanted a surprise,
That day before I handed over that small box to you,
I got up and went next to you and gave you a kiss,
A kiss on your left eyebrows,
Do you know what it meant?
It means...
“I know deep inside you, you’re sorry that I found out,
And because you made a mistake here you’re very sorry that I got hurt for it.”
So if now I ask you would you let me go please...?
Would you forgive me and allow me to leave?
If you knew what I felt when I give that kiss...
Then give me a "Yes" for a change...

Another words...

Something I had to give up,
I wish I had held on longer,
The thing I lost I cannot say,
I pray it’ll find freedom sooner,
Hearts that left broken,
Wish I had enough time to fix it,
The soul that became useless,
I hope it’ll find some meaning.
The pain that bottled in too long,
Someday I hope it could disappear,
The hurt we both shared,
Wish it would heal faster,
The love that vanish like the wind,
Somehow come back after the break up.
The entire wound we left in each other heart,
Stay bleeding away even when the tears stop flowing...
Time will just leave us both here,
Wondering whether we made the right decision then.

I'll forgive you

If ever you decide to leave,
Don’t come back anymore.
Let me stay here by myself... alone.
Gather my last bit of strength,
And slowly let your hand go.
I would let you leave me first,
And watch your back turn away from me,
Cry my last tears of pain,
Then shut my soul from tearing the hurt you left.
I know that I’m foolish for letting you leave.
But my foolish self will become brave later.
I’ll force my memory to erase you from it.
And then allow myself to love again.
If the depth of my memory still linger your touch,
Then I shall end my life from loving someone again.
You know the strangest thing love can make one become,
But it never happen to me,
Love like ours only drain our strength,
Weary us too soon and hurt so much to just stay.
So i allow you to be free, allow you to fly away.
Find the happiness you deserve.
Forget about me....
For your sake, I’ll forgive you always,
Even for the betrayal....
I’ll stay behind and watch you leave,
Place my hand in my heart and pray for a better tomorrow.

I...

What words is there left to describe this emptiness inside,
The tears kept falling even in the sleep.
The pain still hurt even after taping the heart back together...
The silence is to quiet to share this moment...
This hole,
I cannot tell you how it happened.
I cannot hid it behind a smile,
Or lie well enough to pretend it didn’t hurt me one bit.
Because I lost everything.... everything.
I couldn’t gather enough strength to call you to turn back,
I couldn’t even run to you to stop you from leaving.
I couldn’t even hold you when I should.
Everything is already too late now,
I swear I’ll never regret it,
But I lie.... I regretted everything.
Everything since I let go of those hands that always hold close,
It’s too late to say my words of apology...
Because when I saw you now after you left,
You already belong to someone else.
I hope she cherished you when I couldn’t.
Give you the love you deserve to have... always.

ONe chance

I wouldn’t ask of you,
To come back and stay.
I know you needed your space,
You wanted the freedom I cannot have.
Even when I tried my hardest to bind you to me.
It’s my lack of confidence that failed to make you see,
See what I was inside and felt what I felt deep for you.
My words are never enough for you to forgive,
My being is only enough to crush you apart.
I know well how much trouble I’ve caused,
And the pain of being here with me,
Will only weary you till you finally burn at the depth of hell.
I never pray for you to come back,
I never would ask to be forgiven as well.
Give me one chance,
One last chance to make it right again.
I’ll give him back to you willingly.
Then everything will end just then.

He taught me to love...

Today,
I met a certain someone whose beliefs in love surpass time and pain.
One thing I learn from him is not surviving the odds with just pain and wounds but with only faith at hand and the patience of waiting with time....

I watch an old man live his days with only simple things, things that makes him smile and the way he look at the world so beautifully despite the corruption beneath the great blue sky.
Clearly tells me, he wasn’t in a state of denial but trying to paint a beautiful memory of her at heart.

He told me he loved her knowing she’s gone. Even when death came early to invite her to the heavens door, to him it’s a blessing knowing she’s there. At least she didn’t have to go through life being alone like he did. What he saw about life tells one how content he was with the little he had that never stops him from loving her more.

I admire how he always tells me about her. How her smiles makes his heart palpated hard and how hearing her laugh makes music that calms his soul. Even being old, his memories of her are so fresh with colours. Somehow I wish I met someone who would remember me that way... I just know if there ever one person who would, I’m beautiful in every of his memory.

But today on this day that I will always remember...
On his dying last breath, I recall him telling me the night before. How he wished peoples heart wouldn’t change so easily with time passing by. He told me how much he misses her being here and how much he loved life with all the memories of her in it. He was so ever thankful for love, grateful of being loved and lived well to not regret.

He taught me once, that love is to cherish every moment even when being hurt and left there to be alone. Love is happiness that goes beyond giving and sacrifice. He always tell me about how much god loved his people and how he made someone special for everyone. He made me see love that i hated the most.

But still he taught me to love is not easy. I believe in everyone soul, everyone is always waiting...
Waiting for that one person to come and swept you off your feet. And love itself will come with patience and the time we all spent waiting for it to meet us again.

Words of goodbye...

Words...
All those painful times I cannot say,
In this last chance I hold on like an idiot crying by myself...
Through this hard and freezing cold night...
I sit there like a fool crying while thinking of this day how I hurt a friend.
It took me one moment, in one breath.
In this silence that accompany us.
For me to gather all my feelings at hand.
While clenching my fist like an angry soul,
Filled with revenge and pain...
Slowly closing my eyes and count from 10 backwards,
Hoping it would help me calm my lungs from breathing too hard.
Gasping for one fresh air breathed inside me,
Containing me from within, turning something warm to coldness.
Frozen up my emotion in place, getting ready to fire the last bullet in my gun.
As I said what I shouldn’t have...all those tears I know you cried after...
I know them even when I turn away and left first... with the last hanging word goodbye.”

I'm just a gentle soul....

What I love about rainy days,
Is how being drenched and cold the feeling were,
It’s the only time I felt really secure and safe by myself.
It’s the comfort I got while hugging myself,
I felt like I could touch my soul from within.
It’s like being able to express your pain while crying,
As it kept pouring heavily, makes one feel that you’re not crying alone.
Even as I stood there in pain and regrets,
It’s the pouring rain that slowly washed away the heartache.
Making life worth living with again.
And when I kept running away from the loneliness the world kept throwing me into...
In the rain I’ll know how to slowdown my pace and stop,
Gather my courage and strength so when it stops raining I could look up at the sky,
That painted the beautiful seven wonders telling my heart I’m stronger now...
And that nothing could hurt me again.
But most of all what I truly love about the rain,
Is how I was myself, that no one knew I always was.... Just another gentle soul.

throw me away

My mistakes....
It was not yours to carry,
It wasn’t yours to hold,
What i tried to hide,
Was not easy for me to hush away with it.
But now that the tables turned,
You already knew,
So don’t carry on pretending,
Like an idiot when you were hurting inside.
Let me go, leave me here.
My mistakes,
No matter what the reason i did it for,
The blame is not for you to shoulder,
What you should do now is leave,
Because no matter how much you want to stay or
How much i’ve loved you for,
This will only wound us both in the end. So leave.
There are things that time will make it change for the better,
But not my mistake, there will always be some hurt left,
Even after so many years passed by.
Don’t tell me about love,
Love is only second to how you felt inside now.
Don’t force me either.
Because is so much i could take,
But another scene of your tears falling.
I’ll take this last gamble and push you away.
If you don’t leave first,
You’re making it harder for me.
So please go away, throw me first.
Like how you would throw away a useless toy.
I wouldn’t blame you for my tears.

Hurtful

My heart oh my poor heart,
It’s the pain,
It hurt the most right now,
Even as I’m screaming out,
My heart still cries the pain inside.
The love is almost gone,
Vanishing away with my memories,
Why must my love be hurt?
The pain is traumatising,
The happiness is fading as well,
Soon when all the good things gone...
Oh my poor heart...
How hurtful it’ll become then.
Happiness is such fragile,
My love you hurt me the most right now.
It wasn’t easy for us,
But the struggle is just too much,
The pressure is weighing heavy,
Any more chances of us trying,
Will only result to how much hurt this love will be later.

Don't

Don’t look at me,
The tears are flowing out.
Can’t deny the pain.
This misery is too hard for one to silent.
Don’t blame me for leaving now,
It’s just too much for me to take.
I can’t swallow the lies,
It’s hurtful to pretend.
To lie over and over again.
To hide it all from inside.
My soul is bursting.
The pain is not leaving.
I got hurt when you first lie,
I was wounded as you betrayed me after.
This is all too much for me to contain.
So allow me to leave.
I can only try my hardest to pretend,
To not see this coming.
All the things that happen,
I don’t deny part of it was brought upon me.
But I cannot stay here anymore.
This last time, as l turn away,
Don’t look at me,
Don’t try to hold me anymore,
Let me cry for this one last time,
Till my heart content...

What happiness is...

Happiness... is a fragile piece of glass,
It so fragile that one’s heart can never fully contain it.
Its thinness reflects the light as it shine.
Its thinness gives off a heart breaking feel when at hand.
Happiness,
No matter what amount of water poured within,
It’ll always overflow.
Soon you’ll realised that no matter how much Happiness we try to gasp,
The amount will never stay the same.
They’ll overflow and become wasted.
Don’t you feel the pinch?
The pinch of letting happiness passed us by.
No matter how much we wanted to hold on to it.
At times we just had to let it go,
Soon we realised how much we had wasted while pretending,
To love and cherish it while it’s within our grasp,
And how much it hurts to lose all of it as we stay denial.
Happiness... how much we all always prayed it’ll stay.
Stay long enough so everyone can share our happiness.
But everyone can only desire a different kind of happiness.
Some comes from the pleasure of pain,
Getting hurt to love and watch the wounded cry.
While some comes with payment of penny and dime.
This happiness can only satisfy the superficial needs.
These are not everlasting happiness.
What do we understand of true happiness?
One that comes from sacrificing and giving.
We shouldn’t keep a certain happiness that’s not ours to keep,
Some times as we let them go,
Happiness itself will come for us,
In giving we find what happiness really means to an individual.

Welcoming 2010!!!

NEW YEAR!!!

It only means a new beginning. New chapter to write, and lots of new learning to learn! there is many to give and lots hopping to receive in return! so new Year pls be better then the past!