My half broken Heart

I finally understood,

What it meant by having a haunting past,

Whatever I did in the past,

Now I’m paying them all with guilt that I cannot shoulder,

Finally all my life love has found me,

Yet at the most happiest I've been,

A chapter from the history waltz in unwelcome,

I refused to see the mistakes,

Yet knowing the truth will hurt,

I cruelly push my love away.

I not only left her hanging with my silence,

But I broke her heart that finally opened its doors for me.

And now there is nothing more I could do to set things right.

I couldn't let her share my mistakes,

Neither could I let her go as I thought I could.

So I continue to break her heart,

And watched my own shattered beyond repair.

Every day I would watch her cry for my sins,

And there is really nothing i could say to console her heart.

Even if I scream to apologies,

With the guilt i have at hand,

I’m scared I might just stain her pure heart that i love so much.

Even as much as I wish to erase everything and run towards her,

I’ll hold it all back and blindly pray happiness will eventually meet her.

                                                                                                -Do Jin’s heart

Kang Maru’s first love: A Monster

I wanted her so much to look at me,

So I shield her from the cruelty the world had showered her,

We were so young and wasted,

I thought back then it was true love,

So I pleaded guilty to her crimes,

And spent these few years in a four wall prison,

Throwing away a future I could have.      

What I didn’t expect was what becomes of her while I’m away.

Because I wanted to save her from her fears,

That I made her into a monster unknowingly,

She couldn’t tell the right from the wrong,

While she continue to used people then hurting them,

I clearly saw how greedy a beast she turns herself into.

Yet because I’m so blinded by my feelings,

I miserably refuse to see the sin that she had made,

And continue to held on her and waited like a fool,

Believing someday she might just come to her senses,

And see the light then come back straight to my arms.

But she screwed up big this time,

She is so messed up,

That the blood that stains her hands can never be cleansed.

She is like a speeding car without any brakes,

While she continue to accelerate without any destination in mind,

I fear that she might just crash soon.

But to her... I felt so sorry and guilty.

If only I had her confessed her mistakes back then,

Let her face the reality and pay her dues,

I would have promised her, I’ll wait patiently for her to return.

Be more understanding and kind.

I’ll endure whatever comes and bravely face it with her,

I’ll give her every bit of me and accept everything she is,

I swear with my life to give her happiness and be there to wipe her tears,

But to her also... I’m begging.

Please understand that I’ll give her everything she needs,

But don’t ask me about love,

Because I don’t think I could sincerely love her.

Since my heart already know to whom it belongs...

Kang Ma Ru... First love

The most disastrous period in my life,

Was my first encounter with love...

I had loved her since I first laid eyes on her,

I would do just about anything to win her affection,

Yet the one thing that I sacrifice,

Was a future I could have... All because I loved her.

I took the blame that imprison me my youth,

I thought while I'm here paying her dues,

She would come to love me as I am,

While I waited for the day freedom would set me free,

But I was wrong...

I'm just nothing more to her then "a man whom would die for her".

A puppet with no emotion that's what she made of me.

I stayed here waiting for her to come to her senses,

Even when the disappointment kept coming,

I patiently waited for her only to see how I had only been used.

And repeatedly been made a fool...

I'm a fool, to love her with all my heart.

Seo Eun Gi love part 2

I don't know what to say,
I was too heartbroken to see the tears he cried,
I'm not sure how much words he said was true,
It scares me that they might just be another lie,
So I blinded my eyes, and run away from hearing the truth.
I didn't want to love him anymore then I do,
I wanted to return him the pain he inflicted in me,
My guilt that cause me to loose my sanity,
I wanted to stop my heart from yearning to want him,
I missed him so badly that it becomes so unbearable to breath,
Every time I wanted to run to him,
I bit my lips, and slashed my heart from leaving.
I cried everyday while saying my curse for him,
But my heart still wanted him.
I once left everything and run straight to him,
I left my family, threw away fame and rich and everything for him,
I truly loved him... But when he hurt me with the word "for revenge".
My heart died... I wanted to die so much to want him to die too.
But now I'm confused. Did he really pitied me when I lost my memory?
Or Was I just a toy he used for revenge again...
Is there even a chance for me to hope,
That in this period that I forget, he actually truly loved me for me?
Can I still hope for it to be true? ...
I know my heart, even when I wanted to hate him,
I never could bring myself to do so... Because I really loved him.

Seo Eun Gi Love

I might had been such an idiot to love someone,

Someone whom incapable of loving me back.

I thought he sincerely loved me as I deserved,

But I was used and became a fool.

He spilt my world into half, 

Tore my heart into pieces,

Set fire to my feelings and then leave me here hanging in pain alone.

He crushed everything I had just for revenge,

I hated him so much to want to die for it.

Yet the fact that I loved him so dearly pains me till my soul turns numb.

I wanted him to feel the stabbing pain I had,

That I rather we die together and meet in hell,

Then knowing he might run to her again.

Drama: Innocent Man EP 8-9

love your heart.

If someone can come to love you like the gushing wind from the ocean,

And still love you for every heart beat in their soul,

Accept you for all that you are inside out,

Someone who could look past your mistakes,

And still take all your regrets,

Hold on to that one person,

Because in life you don’t always get a chance to meet someone,

Who is capable to love you for your heart not your wealth.

A devil like me..

It’s never was that simple; I cannot forget what was left here,

The scars they don’t actually disappear like what people say,

My heart still bleeds the same as one year ago,

My soul still feels numb like it did that day.

My eyes still blurred even after all the crying stops,

And I’m still the same even after one year has moved on.

I cannot change myself like a caterpillar to a butterfly,

Because I fear if I do, I’ll become weak and start to forgive him again.

It my foolishness that I need to held on to my past,

My greatest fear is life without my painful history.

I know I’m bounded by my tormented memories,

And even after so many years washed by,

I simply refuse to let myself be free from them.

There are many chapters that actually made me a cold soul,

And many which comes from times when i lost almost everything dear to me,

Times were hard then and now I’m at my last stand struggle to hold it ever more strongly,

I wished I had died that day not the innocent,

And it would be a great pleasure to just die on his behalf.

At least I know no one will care, no one will cry,

If I’m really gone, no one will get hurt and no one will suffer.

A devil like me... I don’t deserve life as a gift.

Love

Even after so many years,

Even after growing old and frail.

Love is something we all will keep longing for.

You can never fully understand their love story,

Because love is defined differently for us all.

To them whom is separated by time,

Their desire to be together is a predestine fate.

Although separated but still loving, still longing.

The heart is always kept waiting,

 The life they went through is their survival kit,

So no matter how tough it gets,

Love and longing will always help them through.

But there is another kind of love,

Always in front of our eyes, Not wanting to let go,

A most destined person we met coincidentally,

Someone whom imprinted a strange feeling for the first time.

You see we don’t always get to meet a person,

Whom in one glace could sway and tumble our heart.

Stir up our feelings so deep and bring out the best of ourselves.

Someone who read you like a good book,

Understand you even when you never say a word.

Shouldered your pain like measurement scale,

Always there, nearer to you every minute.

Love may seem so great with my words,

But love itself holds another untold tales,

Sometimes the pain that comes with the package,

Can totally tear the deepest part of our heart.

We could cry and only cry to release whatever that stacked here[heart]

But no matter how much we wanted to hate love.

Even with every heartbeat we scream and run,

Love will always find its way back to us,

Always wrapping it with our hearts always yearning for it.

Its true what Shakespeare once said about love,

That love will eventually teach us how to live,

Even while being blind, it’ll something worth taking the risk.

better future

We can’t choose who we are,

But we should at least choose to be good...

Even when our childhood is a mess,

And all the chapters are filled with cursing times,

But if we try hard to do small miracle,

Changes will come easily.

No one say trying is going to be easy,

But as long as we believe there is a chance to a better future,

Why stay and be trapped in the cold dark shadow?

It’s true that we can never change how the world view us,

All the tainted past that will keep sticking on us,

Like how a leech thirst for blood,

Still if we want to achieve a dream,

A life without judgement and pain,

Try.. Keep trying even when the odds are against you.

Keep clenching that fist and marched forward,

No matter how bad you fall now,

Just stand up and do it all over again.

You’ll never be called a failure if u continues to try.

Being an Adult

I forgot I was only 23yrs old,
What do I know about being an adult?
But yes because I was so busy trying to be an adult,
That I forgot that I had tortured myself...
I didn't love myself enough to want to be happy,
That I rather watch my own destruction.
Instead of screaming out the painful wound that tore my heart apart...
I silent them behind all the smile I pasted on my face,
Even my friend they don't see my drowning tears behind my mask.
But these adults they forgot who they are...
So busy asking me to face reality but when reality comes knocking on their doors,
All they did was shut it and run...
One thing I learn that day one year ago...
Was how I stood there trying to collect pieces of me,
While watching that one adult packed his bag and ran out that front door...
If only I knew what that "leaving" meant,
Maybe I would have the courage to give myself a chance to live again.
But because I felt so guilty for our lost,
That I shut the door then punished myself,
I didn't thought of my brother not once since that day,
I beat myself at work till I'm all drained,
I hunger my heart from memories of him,
I staved my soul by letting time take away my smile...
And yes this was me being an adult!
But you called and saying sorry one year later...
That's you finally being an adult.
It wouldn't change what you did... Never forgiving you.

Cinta Adam

Tanpa berkata... Tanpa perasaan...
Semuanya aku redha dengan takdir kita...
Aku membekukan Hatiku dari terus mencintainya,
Aku pergi dengan kerelaan hati sendiri,
Demi kebahagian dia segalanya akan aku lakukan,
Aku merobek Hatiku sendiri demi seorang Adam,
Kerana dia terlah melupai aku,
Dan pergi mencari cinta dari seorang Hawa,
Insan yang terlah menemaninya siang dan malam...
Dia yang mampu menenangkan jiwanya,
Dia yang mampu mengubati luka dalam hatinya,
Untuk apa aku cuba untuk menawar hatinya sekali lagi,
Kalau dia lebih yakin cintanya untuk yang lain bukan aku.

Meskipun aku sangat mencintainya,
Meskipun meninggalkannya jiwa aku terluka,
Meskipun kegelapan datang menjemput aku...
Meskipun aku sendiri menanggung kesunyian yang membasahi hati ini,
Aku tetap mendoakan Adam kau dipertemukan Hawa mu.
Suatu masa Jika Allah s.w.t mengembalikan ingatan mu,
Dan aku pun terlah pergi mencari kebahagiaan ku,
Aku sungguh mengharapkan kau...
Adam tolong relakan pemergian aku dengan redha,
Kerana disisih Mu kau terlah menemui permata hatimu.
Sudah tertulis ditakdir yang kita akan berpisah,
Jika aku mampu tulus dan ikhlas lalu redha dengan takdir ku,
Mengapa kau Adam harus marahi takdir ini?
Sedangkan Allah s.w.t. Terlalu menyangi hambanya tanpa batas,
Kita harus akur dengan suratan Takdir yang terlah dituliskan,
Mungkin aku bukan untuk mu, Adam...
Tiba masa janji yeh... Redhakanlah takdir....

The Letter...

Finally it reached me.

It took him 9 months to say the word sorry,

All this time, I’ve been kept here waiting.

And now finally read it on a letter...

He’s sorry for leaving me here alone,

Carrying the pain of losing a life due to my mistakes.

Was it really my fault that we lost him like this?

I remember that day after the funeral,

How he rushed to packed his bags and left through that front door,

Not waiting a minute to look back at me struggle with myself.

 Or question why I was still standing here not crying.

How can I cry when I suddenly became so numb?

Reading his letter over and over,

I asked myself why now,

The sorry that he kept repeating again and again,

Why the word does feel like venom,

Piercing through my heart and not heal it like I thought it would.

I wanted to live by forgiving him, my step father...

Whom left me here facing the demon of my own shadow,

But now, I’m not an angel,

Why should I forgive someone who rather leaves a child,

Fending for herself,

Starving her soul with only memories of the happy moments,

That’s been long gone in tears,

I whom punished me by not seeking for you when I needed the saving,

Look where it got me... still here all the same on the outside,

But you see my heart just broke because you left.

I’m not forgiving you for this... I’ll never forgive you.

Now after all this time... I finally had it.

I want her...

I wish love could just be slightly easier to live with.

There’s so much I wish I had given up,

Only so I could be spared with the extra time,

Just to run towards her.

I loved her,

Her whom was my sister,

Even knowing that it against all rights,

And I clearly know heaven will punish me for loving her,

Yet all my heart been longing for even after all this years,

It’ll always be her... and only her.

I let her go once and I regretted it.

Leaving her behind after the truth surfaced,

I lost my heart that day when I left.

Don’t ask me how I live all this while,

I couldn’t live in this emptiness,

And everyday I had to clenched my fist and leave my heart bleeding,

Swallow my pain in silence and put that doll like smile,

Faking every emotion day in and out.

Doing so only drained of my strength yet thought of her... keep me going.

The only memory of her is this picture that I drew on the sand.

I’m aware that I’ll hurt someone along the way with my stubbornness,

But I said before... I’ll take all the sin with me,

And accept whatever hell is giving me in return,

Just as long as I get her, here beside me.

But still I had to let her go, I cannot snatched away her smile,

And tear her heart anymore,

Looking at her falling tears, they hurt my pride.

I should give her the happiness that she deserve even without me,

So for these last minutes, Dear God... Please,

Spare me this few minute recollecting memories of her in my mind,

Allow me to held on her hand till I turn cold,

Accept this as my sacrifice to watch her smile that happiness,

And I swear I’ll let her go willingly without hesitation.

But you must strengthen my heart to not want her,

Give me a place where I could go without needing her to stay.

You might not know my hunger to have her,

And how it thirst my soul even if I’m drowned in the ocean,

Or how I missed her while looking at the sun and the moon,

Like a flower being missed when autumn comes...

Pupus

Pupus...
Sekarang aku faham...
kenapa kamu pergi dulu,
Semenjak dulu lagi kau cuba mengajar aku,
Cara untuk hidup meskipun ditinggalkan,
Cara untuk berdiri meskipun terjatuh,
Cara untuk bernafas meskipun terseksa,
Cara untuk senyum meskipun ia menyakitkan,
Cara untuk mengejar mimpi meskipun pernuh rintangan...
Cara untuk mencintai meskipun hati terluka...
Aku tahu bertapa sukar bagi kamu,
Untuk mencintai aku yang seba kekurangan,
Tetapi kerana hati kami saling memerlukan,
Kamu memberi sinar harapan meskipun,
Ia akan menglukai hatimu kerana kamu tetap akan pergi.
Syukur, aku ucapkan..
Kerana kamu memberi aku peluang,
Untuk berkongsi sisa hidup kamu,
Biarpun waktunya hanya sementara,
"cinta bukan hanya di depan mata,
Tapi di hati yang sentiasa mencintai kamu untuk selamanya."

Pain...

Pain...
Do you know what it feels like to be in pain?
The pinching of your veins that blockages the heart,
The wounds that tear open your skin,
The acids that burns your bones,
The stabbing knives that pierced through your soul,
The emptiness in ones life that starved for the light....
All drowned by the darkness within only to see yourself sank in deeper and deeper...
To no return...
Pain, they came by like the blowing wind that changes the weather,
The tunes that changes the rhythm every minute.
Pain just keep coming and only those who brave enough,
Will always make through the fall.
Not everyone is lucky to survive,
But if you tried to make it through,
Pray harder that life will be lenient enough to give you the chance,
The only one luck that could turn your life around,
And if you don't have faith in God, start having one...
Because even the strongest will stumble,
What makes you any less if you don't try to survive the odds...

That day... I lost everything

He laid there motionless,
Not moving a muscle and not breathing,
His cold and clammy skin all frosted white...
I recall everything about that day....
The day everyone left carrying his slumber self,
Because that day I lost everything.
I couldn't remember when was then last time I actually begin to live,
Not until I had him here sharing every bit of everything,
I remember his innocence,
That broke all the walls that shield me from the outside world.
I didn't want to get hurt and cry like a helpless child,
Even when I seem fine and capable outside,
Inside I buried my soul within this strongest wall of fear.
But I was defeated...
I lost everything since he went back to Gods arm.
My world never became anymore cold and dark since the lost,
I didn't blame God for loving him more,
I blame myself, for my incapability to love him when I had the chance.
With this lost, a certain someone got caught in the blame,
And I'm just sorry that I couldn't save him in time to prevent this mishap.
To that person... Please forgive me. I'm sorry.
She was right to have said that I should stay away,
She was right about me that someday I'm the only thing,
In this whole world that will break his heart and his family,
I should have listen to her,
To push them both away when the time is still lenient to us all...
Just because I wanted them both so badly to stay in my world,
I forgot someday will come when retribution will take away everything,
And everything that I held on thats not mine to own,
I lost everything and had nothing left to offer,
It happened and see where it leave us all,
Nothing but an ongoing episode of tears crying and broken hearts...
The earth seems colder everyday,
That even the warmest sunlight can't protrude the barrier the harden my heart,
Rainbows of 7 colours that brighten the sky seem so dull to my eyes,
Maybe I had been crying since the fall, That even when, almost turning blind,
I choose to not see happiness ever again.

Provoked...

The one that spent all the years in her life crying,
Crying everyday only to silent them in her sleep.
The one suffers the pain all the time,
Swallow her pain while clenching her fist.
The one that speak no words of her wound,
Bite her own tongue in order to shut the outside world away.
Someone who rather be trap within the walls,
Can never show you the greatest fear in her heart.
The one that find happiness while being prisoned in the dark,
Finally set her soul free even if it means selling them to the devil....

You were right...

Mom,

You were right about a few things...

I just refuse to hear what it was.

I’m just selfish... I finally admit it.

I shouldn’t have made them stay.

If only i had denied them at first hand then,

Maybe all of us wouldn’t be badly hurt by this tragedy.

You were right about me,

I don’t deserve every bit of their kindness,

I don’t deserve to beloved by them dearly,

I don’t deserve their warmth even when i’m cold,

I don’t deserve to held on to them even if i was drowning.

You were right about them,

That their love and kindness was an infinite gift,

That only belongs to you whom had loved them ever so dearly.

They were your world and your heart,

Yet, I was wrong for snatching them away...

I know it’s a little too late to apologise now,

But I’m truly sorry... so sorry.

Sorry that I took their love away from you,

Sorry that I tried to kept things that wasn’t mine.

Sorry that you got hurt as I held on to them every minute...

I didn’t meant for such tragedy to happen,

Had I knew, I willingly take your dear son place in death.

I know my words wouldn’t change the reality,

But if I had the power to undo,

I would have given him the life you had asked,

Then leave them all like how I did the last time we met.

I should have push Dad away,

And now, I’m just sorry that his heart broke because of me.

Even the strongest tape nor glue,

Can never put pieces of his heart back together.

Yet my selfish self chose to held on even if I’m burn in hell for it.

You were absolutely right... I’m such a devil.

You see Mom...

You could never understand my hunger... for a family.

Having him as a father even as he don’t belong in the same whole as mine,

Someone who would hold you before you fall,

Someone whom you could just trust to be here whenever you need.

You don’t know how he makes me feel like a kid I had not been all my life,

He cried with me when I’m in pain.

He stayed by me that night I was running a fever.

He even held my hand when I had nightmare that one night till dawn.

His kindest words warms my heart when imp frozen here alone,

Every day with him here... I’m just thankful he came to my world.

My brother, he completes my emptiness as a kid.

He just makes me laugh and whenever he held my hand,

Or smile that cheeky sweet smile of his,

That melts away the wall I had punished myself by being trap in,

The breaks them so easily...

He completes me in so many ways...

But still you were right,

I don’t deserve them. I only had myself to blame for all this...

You were right that I should never take them way,

I should never snatch your sun,

I should have just drowned in the cold bitter night.

I know now the consequences of my action,

And for that I gladly accept the price....

I'm sorry... that I broke your heart....

My baby Brother...

I didn’t wenthome that day,

Not because Iknow he wouldn’t be there,

But because Icannot control myself for missing him so,

Even though Inever actually know him well,

But he fillsme in with the kind of warmth I longed for,

He remindedme of things I spent years living without,

A feeling I couldn’trecall being in for a while long,

I couldn’t rememberhow empty I was here at home,

Until the funeralcrowd went away,

Carrying hisslumber self away with the wind.

Then therain came just in time,

To drain mefrom the tears I couldn’t shed,

I couldn’t findthe strength to touch this door knob,

I fearmyself about this growing pain inside,

I fear thatknowing he would never be here again,

Life wouldsomehow become meaningless if I enter the room.

So likeevery coward and weak soul,

Here I stooddown resting my head on my knees,

Crying awaywith storming rain outside my window...

The shutteringthunder use to give me the chills of fear,

But eversince this moment on...

It’s themost comforting tune to my ears.

I can’texplain this loneliness here in my heart,

But I knowif step inside that room now,

I probablynever could recover from being guilty...

Guilty ofbeing alive,

Guilty ofkilling him and guilty for missing him.

Him who i trulytreasure the time together,

My dear babybrother...

You completeme in the many moments I’m short in...

Thank youfor all the happy times,

Rest welland goodbye...

SORRY

Sorry that i pushed you away,

Forgive me this last time if you could,

There’s so much i wished i had.

So i could choose to avoid this pain,

Sorry that i had you involved,

Only to end it with so much tears.

All the smiles you had once,

Sorry that i took them away one by one,

God had been kind to give me “You”,

Yet all i did was made a full life soul,

To an empty living corpse.

I wouldn’t ask to be forgiven fully by you,

Yet i ask of you to please don’t ignore me,

Because no matter how much hurt i left you with,

Deep inside i wished i had even so little,

A pinched of happiness to return you with...

What it takes to be just me..

You can never imagine what being me truly feels like...

So alive but at the same time so dead.

So full and whole yet so empty and broken.

So crowded outside yet so lonely inside.

So bright the world yet so dark in reality.

So strong physically yet so weak in strength.

So loud yet so silent by words.

You can never understand what it feels to be me...

Never happy but always angry,

Angry because the world is painful to live in,

Angry towards God for all the unfairness in life,

Angry at almost everything before my own eyes.

Angry about being abandon and unwanted.

Angry for being helpless and misfortunate.

Angry just about everything...

You must have wondered how I have lived on...

Whatever that envies me,

 Is marked down by the ragging anger inside,

And all the craving and desire I had buried deep within.

I pretended life to be a doll,

So well guarded by the strongest wall of fears.

Yet when the trouble comes shaking them,

I’ll turn around and kept digging in deeper,

Only to build up another layer of fear as my shield.

Buried myself deeper then the depth of the ocean,

So deep that I could feel the gates of hell are just underneath my feet.

They say someday...

Hell will really swallow me up.

It’s not that im ungrateful to be alive.

I do... if you had known me well,

But because i fear of what my future is,

Because i fear my own haunting past

I rather it be hell that come and take me away,

Maybe it’s not that bad you see...

Not every "Heaven" has a place for the good ones...

But for my case...

Due to my resentment towards life, 

I don't have the right to choose....

so this is what it truly is like to be me.... broken and alone...

Pergilah cinta...

Sesuatu yang pernah saya miliki,
Kini saya redha dengan pemergiannya..
Mungkin takdir sudah tertulis,
Saya akan kehilangan Nya..
Saya harus relakan cintanya pergi dengan dirinya...
Mungkin sekarang orang tak akan faham pengorbanan saya,
Tapi kala suatu masa yang pasti,
Orang akan redha dengan situasi ini..
Tapi sayang...
Kala suatu masa awak merasakan cinta itu kian kembali,
Saya berharap dan hanya berdoa agar awak tidak datang kembali untuk mencarinya,
Cinta...yang saya relakan ianya pupus dari dunia saya.
Tak mungkin saya meminta ia untuk kembali sekali lagi.
Pergilah cinta... Pergilah dari hidup hamba,
Mungkin dunia saya akan sepi dan sunyi,
Tetapi itu adalah kerelaan hati ini...
Ada baiknya jika saya belajar untuk berdiri lagi meskipun sendiri tapi tabah...
Itulah permintaan terakhir dari saya

Emelda... Awak

Emelda,

Awak terlalu baik buat saya,

Apa sahaja yang awak hadapi,

Semuanya awak lalui dengan tabah dan sabah,

Sudah terlalu lama saya melukai hati awak,

Awak dimaki dan dihina berulang kali,

Awak ditinggalkan sendirian untuk berdiri sendiri,

Awak yang menjaga Dania tanpa mengeluh,

Sentiasa sabah dan tenang berdiri menghadapi semua ini...

Terlalu lama awak disakiti kerana saya dengan Emera,

Rahsia yang awak pikul sampai sekarang,

Rahsia yang terlalu lama makan jiwa awak,

Tetapi awak tetap dengan pendirian awak,

Menyimpan rahsia itu sampai sekarang.

Awak terseksa and sepi kerana saya...

Kata maaf yang berulang kali saya ucapkan,

Tak mampu untuk mengembalikan maruah awak,

Yang terlalu lama terguris dan terluka.

Hati awak hancur kala awak mula mencintai saya,

Dan sayalah orang yang banyak kali menyakiti awak,

Meski pun saya sayangkan awak.

Meskipun awak sentiasa disalahkan kerana kemusnahan hidup saya,

Tetapi pada halnya, awak terlah menyelamatkan jiwa saya,

Dari terus berluka dan hanyut kerana masa silam.

Maafkan saya kerana melukai hati awak lagi.

Akan tetapi percayalah,

Kala saya dapat memutarkan semula saat ini,

Saya mahu terus berlari mendapatkan awak,

Sentiasa menjaga dan melindungi awak dari terluka.

Saya igin sentiasa berada disisi awak kala awak tidur,

Dan menjadi insan yang pertama awak lihat bila awak bagun.

Dan jika awak kembali lagi dalam hidup saya,

Saya berjanji akan beritahu awak tertapa saya sangat - sangat...

mencintai  awak seumur hidup saya.

terimakasih kerana memaafkan salah saya, dan mencintai saya...

Be the last

Let this be the last,
The last time we both sit here crying,
While pouring the reality of us breaking up,
Nothing changes what was already broken,
All the love we had with us vanished to thin air,
Nothing left to hold us together,
Leaving behind only the pain that had been there for a while...
It's not we never tried to mend the broken heart for each other,
But the harder we tried,
the more mistakes we did and the wound becomes unbearable...
Love comes with goodbye,
As loving we were before,
Only God would had seen how we suffer for love.

Ibu

Seorang Ibu..

Dilahirkan dalam dunia,

Seperti ditakdirkan hanya untuk disayangi,

Allah menjadikan bayi itu sebaik sesuci cintanya pada insannya.

Dari kecil di sayangi oleh seorang ibu,

Ibu yang membela penuh dengan kasih,

Tak ternilai darjat dan pengorbanan beliau.

Ibu yang penyabar bila melayani kerenah kita,

Dari kecil beliau membela kita,

Beliau yang menemani kita siang dan malam,

Sentiasa bersama kita disetiap langkah yang diambil.

Meskipun adakalanya kita yang banyak sifat kekurangan.

Ibu seorang yang mempunyai hati yang mulia,

Biarpun kita menyakiti hatinya,

Walaupun adakala hatinya hancur kerana kita...

Meskipun bertapa lama kita ambil untuk menyedarinya,

Apa yang kita lakukan itu adah satu kesalahan...

Seorang ibu tetap mampu memaafkan.

Bukan senang untuk kita memiliki cinta dan kasih beliau,

Cinta yang mampu mendamping kita dalam susah dan senang,

Kasih yang mampu membawa kita kejalan yang diredhai Allah SWT.

Allah menjadikan cinta seorang ibu itu suatu keajaiban,

Allah SWT menjadikan sebaik insan sebagai ibu,

Kerana hanya dia yang tahu dan memahami,

Bertapa berat beban yang dipikul oleh seorang ibu,

Dan bertapa dalam pengorbanannya demi kasihnya tehadap seorang anak....

I Know...

I know what hurt feels like...
Despite my strong poker face,
Or my hardcore personality,
Deep inside I’m just me,
Simple and breakable.
My heart is like a thin piece of glass,
It neither float on the water nor does it stay unbreakable.
The crack you saw within,
Isn’t something that hides away when being glued,
Over and over again.
Some wounds just took such long time to heal,
Sorry I lied, some pain just don’t go away with time.
We can be hurt so bad but not everything disappear forever,
Most of the time we spent years shouldering the guilt,
That might not be ours to carry,
But because we hurt people with it,
The burden passed on us to weight them over for years.
They say sometimes when the glass breaks,
The pieces will shatter and remain shattered.
No glue or tape is ever strong enough to put it back together.
Likewise, happiness is just so fragile to hold in one palm,
Even harder to keep it in one’s life.
The more we try to mend the broken parts,
The more it’ll shatter after every fall.
So if we really could love,
We should at least try to make it last,
So when it’s about to end,
We can keep the memories forever...

Last Love letter...

To my Dearest Love,
I maybe there only slightly later than before,
And by the time I reach you,
You might already have that empty space filled with someone else.
But to me the most important now is not how the story ends,
Instead how it begin to another beautiful chapters ahead.
What truly makes you happy now till forever?
May not necessary requires me being there physically,
But fear not, my love is always here whenever you need.
Someday I’ll come to understand what you meant to love someone.
But for now until forever till eternity,
I’ll pray for love to come and forever wrap you in it.
Thank you for teaching me how to love life,
To love what i was when i hated myself most,
But most of all i thank you,
For giving me a chance to love you with all i had,
Even my presence was so little as to just a touch and go,
But you taught me enough...
To love truly and selflessly,
So thank you...

Empty Room

In an empty room,
Brighten by the light only from an opened window,
Where the sunlight touches me,
And every other corner is drown by the growing darkness,
As dark as the midnight sky.
There as I recalled like yesterday,
That very day you took your last breath,
Then depart from the cruel world in tears.
How I held you close one last time,
Whispering the word you so longed to hear,
I’m just sorry that it didn’t came from your love,
Instead by me,
Whom you never loved any more than a friend.
It must have been your biggest regrets,
That he couldn’t be with you in your last journey in life.
But somehow knowing he can’t come,
Even if he wanted to so badly to be here,
Deep inside as I always known him,
It’s his fate that God wishes him to be somewhere first,
But you would learn to forgive him once you cross over,
That I know.
But for now I wish that even in death,
You’ll find the peace and freedom you spent your lifetime searching for,
I hope you’ll learn to forgive all the wrongs,
And love all the little things that time and life could shower you with,
I know you seek of a miracle,
But I pray if I had it with me someday,
I’ll pray it’ll bless your soul with all the love I had in one life of mine.
I love you... goodbye

Can't return his love

They say sometimes love makes one became stupid,
I’ve seen one who lives to give all he had for her,
And still in the end died a pitiful heartbreaking life.
If she was blind as to not see his heart,
She must have not known he love,
Even when it’s been given countless times.
She was everything his heart longed for,
Even when knowing that she can never return,
Return him... his love or stayed by his side,
He still prayed that one day his love will reach her.
It’s not easy loving someone who loved somebody else,
Somebody he knew... closed called friend.
Watching her cry day after day then turn silent afterwards,
If his heart had a microphone,
It’ll scream out that painful silent he tried so hard to hide away.
Every time he stood there like a fool watching her,
Knowing her longing for that one person she loved so dearly,
And still find the tiniest courage to battle her sickness,
All the wrenching and painful treatment could exhaust her enough,
Yet thru her eyes that she shut tight,
A silent cry praying could be heard.
Despite his many giving and persevering,
His only gift is his undivided love and prayers for her.
His aloof character help to create diversion hoping with that,
It’ll somehow help to lessen her guilt for not able to return him the love.
If longing is easy to hide, Looked at his face,
Arms pounding his chest, every heartbeat, begging the pain to stop,
Chocked on his breath and still try to make it through every moment.
She know that he loved her so,
And knowing so makes it harder for her to stay put.
So like every passing night,
He would be on his knees and begged,
Begged God to give him time,
Time to rejoice her love together again,
Time to love her selflessly and wholeheartedly,
Till his last breath and all the life in his soul
Could only recall how she looked the first time they met.

But he should try to forget her... She said.
Love is such that it’s so unfair... unfair to love someone whose dying,
Despite all the effort to chase after her who cannot love him back,
Love is just so cruel, because it has to be her that he desire,
But she is still dying and nothing can change that.
Nothing can make that pain sticking guilt in her heart vanished,
Not even a man who wore a poker face in front of her.
But then she still tried,
Tried so hard to give a piece of her even how small that part is,
Give it to him who waited by her side night and day,
Tried her best to love him even if they can’t be as lovers,
And as her pain becomes unbearable,
She still tried to love him the best way she could,
Until her soul finally separated from her body....

Cinta itu pemberian yang sempurna

Cinta itu sempurna...
Meskipun hati terluka dan hancur,
Meskipun mata sentiasa menitis air jernih yang membasahi dunia,
Meskipun kekesalan dan marah masih berbaki,
Meskipun ditinggalkan dan dikhianati,
Meskipun sepi dan sendiri...
Cinta tetap dicari kala rindu datang dan pergi..
Bukan mudah untuk kita hidup tanpanya,
Bukan mudah untuk cinta dilupakan begitu sahaja.

Allah swt menjadikan cinta itu sempurna,
kerana dengan cinta perasaan kasih dan di kasihi wujud dalam diri kita.
Disebalik cacat celah di wajar,
Allah swt menjadikan hati itu cukup sempurna,
Dengan kesempurnaan itu dia menghadiahkan cinta itu sebagai tanda ikhlas and suci,
Hati yang diberikan dengan seribu rahsia,
Mengisikan ianya dengan beribu perasaan,
Satu antaranya adalah cinta....
Cinta tidak berbelah bagi,
Cinta yang setia dan kian abadi selamanya...

Can’t change what our love is...

Can’t change what our love is,
How I stop myself from running to you,
Turning my back for the first time,
And make my exit without you,
I regretted giving you that chance,
Playing me out like a fool again,
Breaking my heart over and over again.
Either I was blind,
When the signs had been there for a while,
Either I was deaf,
To not hear the tune had changed.
A little too late to turn back...

Can’t change what our love is,
After the heartbreaking times,
Finally I pulled through the storm and survived.
Fixing my heart every day,
Taping it together again and again,
Not looking back at what was there,
Leaving everything I was before,
Hiding and wishing that I would just evaporate to the sky,
Always running further away from time,
Praying someday life will forget me being here.

Can’t change what our love is,
Another chapter I erased every morning,
And still plenty more to go,
“Hanging in there!” I tell myself,
Hoping someday when I’m thru with myself,
I finally become brave again to open the door and love again,
And then if we ever met by coincidence,
I might stand before you again,
Stronger and wiser than before,
Showing you the new me,
Unbreakable and Unhurt.
Something you had lost while someone had gain...

Pretending

Pretending,
When will we both get tired,
Tired of playing games,
Hurting each other inside out,
Tearing our heart apart over and over again...

Why are we pretending to hate when there is so much love,
Will we ever say what we want without lying,
Will we bare the truth about our love someday,
Will we have the courage to love each other soon,

Pretending...
Always hiding the truth,
Always running away from the one we love,
Always closing the door to our heart...
Always longing for one another...
Is pretending the only way to keep us together?

Someday I pray for the courage to tell you the truth about my heart,
But till then,
Promise me you’ll try too...
Try to tell me about you heart, your love.
I like to believe someday with a little faith and strength with lots of courage,
We both might finally love each other truly and forever...

Love Will Come again..

Love will come someday,
Bringing a new hope in her life,
Healing all painful wounds,
And opens a new chapters in her life.

Love will come someday,
Teaching her to live again,
Telling her the how love will make her dream again,
Opening her heart to someone worthy but not me.

Love will come again someday,
Hopefully by then,
The one God had fated for her will love her all his life,
He would be all she ever need.

Love will come again someday,
By then she’ll forget how her heart broke,
She’ll forget how I went away leaving her alone,
She would learn to treasure herself more.
And be much smarter then before to get her heart break again...

Give me a reason to forget.

Someday if God permit,
I’ll forget that you ever shared the same world as I did,
I’ll forget that you ever walk the same ground as I did,
I’ll forget that you ever did breath in the same air as I did,
I’ll forget that you ever stood by me once,
I’ll forget everything about you every memory of you casted away from me.
No... If I could ask God one thing,
I’ll ask him to erase your touch,
Your kisses and my heart from the face of my very soul...

It’s not that easy to live after getting your heart broke,
And then trying to make it through over night.
I love you so dearly yet you still choose to leave,
I didn’t recall making life any difficult for you,
But you still choose her above me,
If I had knew heart break was coming for me,
I’ll take the chance to leave you first,
Since the signs of you having another affair was so clear,
I became blind because I loved you too much,
So now here alone... crying I only had myself to blame.

Give me a reason to forget...
It’s not simple to let you go,
And let you leave me here traceless...
But they say love is not the tools you use to fix a broken bond,
Since I never once held on to you to make you stay,
Guess I had it with you...
Maybe I always knew this day would come,
I was only avoiding the reality of it because I’m scared,
Scared that I’ll have nothing if you left,
But somehow...
When you said those words aloud for me,
Everything about our love becomes clear.

Give me a reason... to forget,
It was betrayal that broke my heart the most,
The things you said and did make loving you the most poisonous venom,
Sometimes i prayed you had told me about her,
So at least when the truth surfaced,
It’ll hurt lesser then watching you both making love on my bed.
And now.. How could you just expect me to forgive you,
When my heart refuse to acknowledge your love...
Nothing you do can undo the knife you had stab through my soul...

So if God permit time travel,
I hope he’ll turn back time to when you and i meant nothing more,
Then a stranger walking passes one another...

Allah swt love...about woman.

You might be married to the worst man ever,
Like Asyah was married to Pharoah,
But it didn’t change her loyalty and love for Allah SWT.

You might be married to the best of man,
Like a Prophet of Allah SWT and still not saved from the punishment
-like the wife of Prophet Lut a.s.

You might not be married to any man,
Like Maryam a.s., and Allah SWT can make your rank
higher than any women on Earth. Know your prioritise.

The only relationship where you’ll never have your heart broken,
Is your relationship between you and Allah SWT.

Teach me about love

How do one forget heartbreaks?
How do one seek the forgiveness from the past?
How do you learn about love, if you never fall in love before?

Remember how you broke her heart,
Her first love, you were all her first,
But you snatch her heart only to tore them apart.
You made a fool out of her love,
Crush them with your lies and buried it deeper then the ocean depth,
That day you told the truth,
Remember how she stood there behind you in tears,
The pain of her love crying in silence,
It’s not easy to cry for that broken heart,
Taking the blow for the first time,
Swallowing the venom all her life,
Ever once you had thoughts of what she become because of you...
Never, all you knew was that you never got hurt,
And that is all you ever know...

Even after many years come and gone,
Her heart harden and hurtful,
She can never truly love nor can she cry for love no more.
She never ask for love to come yet someone who stood by,
Loving her all his life since he first saw her,
Never asked nor seek that love from her all because of you.
Always patiently waiting... waiting for that one day,
You’ll come to see him only to love him with all your heart.
Love is the time you take to wait...
Always waiting and seeking the love you know you deserve.

Dia

Dia...
Terlalu yakin dengan citanya,
Sedangkan aku yang tak mampu membalas kembali cinta itu.
Dia kata yang kita berdua saling mencintai dan sentiasa melengkapi satu sama lain,
Tetapi sayangnya tak satu pun benda tentang dia aku ingat.
Dia yang terlalu mencintai aku,
Tidak jemu mendampingi dan menemani aku setiap hari.
Tetapi dia juga yang aku takut berada di sisinya.
Adakalanya dari matanya yang kerap memandang wajah ku,
Pandangannya yang jelas mengugapkan hatinya yang sentiasa mengharap...
Sentuhan lembutnya yang mencurahkan kerinduan dalam jiwanya,
Kata - katanya yang menyentuh naluri wanita ku,
Tetapi dia juga yang aku langsung tak mengingati...
Mengapa dia terlalu yakin yang suatu hari nanti dia yang aku perlukan,
Dan betul katanya bila dia jauh,
Dialah insan yang hati ku merindui...
Mengapa dia terlalu sabah menanti aku yang sederhana dan kekurangan.
Sedangkan diluar sana beribu insan yang lebih cantik dan cukup sempurna,
Menanti jejaka sepertinya...
Dan setahu aku antaranya adalah ada seorang yang sentiasa menantinya..
Tapi bukan aku...

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Someone I love

Someone who loved me...
With all his heartbeat.
Someone I’ve loved just the same all my life.
He whom I adore above all...
I can never run to,
Everyday I spent wasted in tears,
He whose heart I had to ignore,
Everyday I prayed for the strength to push him away,
He whose love I cannot return the love.
I must not let him know I suffer just as he did.

I spent my entire life in search for true love,
I wanted to love that someone only once till my last breath,
But life had caught up to me too quickly,
Leaving me a reality I must face alone.
Why must love only come now?
It’s bad enough that the truth cannot be undone,
Love comes bringing along a promise I cannot keep,
It’s unfair that I loved him with all my heart,
But I had too little a time to share and to hold,
It’s unfair that we had loved so much to be hurt like this,
But I must be fair to him,
It’s too sad to know he had a past,
His fear of not able to hold and forgive,
Tells me how much I shouldn’t hurt him,
Not the second time.
It’s unimaginable to think how he survived all through these years,
So if I truly love him, then I should stop now,
Stop before this affair goes too far,
So far that I cannot turn around and let him go.

He...
Someone I spent all my life waiting for,
A love affair I’ll cherish with all my heart.
I know loving him was a gift,
A miracle someday I would thank God... for giving me.
But for now, please help me not to want him in my life,
Allow me to continue to love him in my silent ways.
Teach him to live without me even if it hurts,
Tell him everyday how I truly did love him,
During the short period that we were together.
Give him strength to forget me soon,
And Dear God please...
Heal his soul the one I had snatch its happiness from,
Return him the love I took away from his heart with someone worthy but me...