Being an Adult

I forgot I was only 23yrs old,
What do I know about being an adult?
But yes because I was so busy trying to be an adult,
That I forgot that I had tortured myself...
I didn't love myself enough to want to be happy,
That I rather watch my own destruction.
Instead of screaming out the painful wound that tore my heart apart...
I silent them behind all the smile I pasted on my face,
Even my friend they don't see my drowning tears behind my mask.
But these adults they forgot who they are...
So busy asking me to face reality but when reality comes knocking on their doors,
All they did was shut it and run...
One thing I learn that day one year ago...
Was how I stood there trying to collect pieces of me,
While watching that one adult packed his bag and ran out that front door...
If only I knew what that "leaving" meant,
Maybe I would have the courage to give myself a chance to live again.
But because I felt so guilty for our lost,
That I shut the door then punished myself,
I didn't thought of my brother not once since that day,
I beat myself at work till I'm all drained,
I hunger my heart from memories of him,
I staved my soul by letting time take away my smile...
And yes this was me being an adult!
But you called and saying sorry one year later...
That's you finally being an adult.
It wouldn't change what you did... Never forgiving you.