I want her...

I wish love could just be slightly easier to live with.

There’s so much I wish I had given up,

Only so I could be spared with the extra time,

Just to run towards her.

I loved her,

Her whom was my sister,

Even knowing that it against all rights,

And I clearly know heaven will punish me for loving her,

Yet all my heart been longing for even after all this years,

It’ll always be her... and only her.

I let her go once and I regretted it.

Leaving her behind after the truth surfaced,

I lost my heart that day when I left.

Don’t ask me how I live all this while,

I couldn’t live in this emptiness,

And everyday I had to clenched my fist and leave my heart bleeding,

Swallow my pain in silence and put that doll like smile,

Faking every emotion day in and out.

Doing so only drained of my strength yet thought of her... keep me going.

The only memory of her is this picture that I drew on the sand.

I’m aware that I’ll hurt someone along the way with my stubbornness,

But I said before... I’ll take all the sin with me,

And accept whatever hell is giving me in return,

Just as long as I get her, here beside me.

But still I had to let her go, I cannot snatched away her smile,

And tear her heart anymore,

Looking at her falling tears, they hurt my pride.

I should give her the happiness that she deserve even without me,

So for these last minutes, Dear God... Please,

Spare me this few minute recollecting memories of her in my mind,

Allow me to held on her hand till I turn cold,

Accept this as my sacrifice to watch her smile that happiness,

And I swear I’ll let her go willingly without hesitation.

But you must strengthen my heart to not want her,

Give me a place where I could go without needing her to stay.

You might not know my hunger to have her,

And how it thirst my soul even if I’m drowned in the ocean,

Or how I missed her while looking at the sun and the moon,

Like a flower being missed when autumn comes...