A devil like me..

It’s never was that simple; I cannot forget what was left here,

The scars they don’t actually disappear like what people say,

My heart still bleeds the same as one year ago,

My soul still feels numb like it did that day.

My eyes still blurred even after all the crying stops,

And I’m still the same even after one year has moved on.

I cannot change myself like a caterpillar to a butterfly,

Because I fear if I do, I’ll become weak and start to forgive him again.

It my foolishness that I need to held on to my past,

My greatest fear is life without my painful history.

I know I’m bounded by my tormented memories,

And even after so many years washed by,

I simply refuse to let myself be free from them.

There are many chapters that actually made me a cold soul,

And many which comes from times when i lost almost everything dear to me,

Times were hard then and now I’m at my last stand struggle to hold it ever more strongly,

I wished I had died that day not the innocent,

And it would be a great pleasure to just die on his behalf.

At least I know no one will care, no one will cry,

If I’m really gone, no one will get hurt and no one will suffer.

A devil like me... I don’t deserve life as a gift.