He...

He…
Is the first guy I know…
One that made me laugh so much,
Who always complete my sentences,
Keep me smiling even when I’m down…
The first to scold me when I did the dumbest thing…
The funny part is… he worries about me all the time.

He…
Could have been the best thing in my life.
Would have been the special someone,
I almost had my heart flatter for him…
I once tell myself,
If ever he said he like me, I would accept.
But thanks to someone….
I force him to go…

Don’t ask how I did it…
Just know, I did it in the most cruel way.
Even when it hurt…
I did it without a second thought.

Truth is…
I did cried when I turn away from him…
After saying so much,
I had regrets right after that.
I did hesitate a moment there…
But I didn’t have a choice.

If only he was here…
I swear to you…
In one glance, my reaction gave way to my true heart.
He could tell that I miss him badly.
Because he once said…
”just by looking deep in your eyes, I know what you are thinking.”
Amazing, isn’t he?
I didn’t believe at first, but I’ve seen it a couple of times…
How he instantly knew my thoughts…

Had I been in better position…
He, I’ll never let him slip thru my fingers.
I would want to always have him by my side…
Sharing my everyday with him…
That would have been the best day in my life….

Belaian Ibu

Ibu...
Terlalu banyak masa meninggalkan kita,
Terlalu banyak pahitnya dari yang manis antara kita.
Terlalu banyak perkara menyakitkan hati kita,
Terlalu banyak rahsia antara kita,
Tak lupa juga pada tangissan yang sentiasa mengalir dari mata kita.

Orang akan berkata semua itu perkara biasa,
Kerana kita “ibu dan anak” yang penuh dengan kasih sayang dalam hati nya,
Mereka boleh kata apa pun...
Tapi pada hakikatnya..
Segala yang berlaku antara kita adalah satu sejarah yang menyedihkan.
Antara kita... ia bagaikan mimpi ngeri di waktu malam dan bayanggan nya sentiasa menghantui jiwa di siang hari...

Aku pernah melihat senyuman mu.
Kasih sayang yang kau curahkan pada insan yang baru kau lahirkan,
Cara kau memeluknya dengan lembut,
Sentiasa mendampingnya setiap saat,
Tak pernah ku lihat kau melepaskan tangannya.
Semua itu pernah ku lihat dari mata dan cara ibu ku buatnya.

Wahai Ibu...
Pernah kah kau melihat hati ku...
Yang menagih kasih sayang mu,
Yang mendahagakan perhatian mu,
Dan yang sentiasa rmerindui sentuhan mu.
Aku lah insan yang tanpa berkata,
Menyimpan seribu harapan yang terlalu lama terbuku di hati...
Sesuatu yang tak dapat kau rasakan.

Ingat kah engakau pada pertemuan kita yang pertama ?
Aku melihat kebencian dari mata mu,
Sesuatu yang tak pernah aku lihat bila kau bersamanya.
Kata- kata mu sangat menyakitkan hati..
Mana pergi kata- kata sayang yang pernah kau ucapkan padanya?
Aku menyedari diri ini, bagaikan masa silam yang tak harus diunggitkan.
Lalu kau pergi membawa diri,
Meninggalkan aku menagis sendirian.

Entah mana terletak silap ku...
Mungkin aku terlalu mengharap.
Bahawa suatu hari aku akan mendapatkan kasih sayang yang aku ingin kan.
Adakah aku tak dibenarkan untuk disayangi atau di hargai?
Adakah aku insan yang ditakdirkan untuk kehilanggan segalanya?

Akan tetapi... jika aku dapat memutar kembali pada saat pertemuan kita,
Aku tak akan menanya kenapa aku di tinggalkan?
Aku tak akan tanya apa pun....
Aku akan tetap berdiri di depan mu dan terus mengharap...
Mengharapkan secebis kasih sayang khas untuk aku....
Sekali aje....

Barely made it...

Today…
I will not cry for you anymore.
I will not dwell on the past that I cannot change.
I will not carry this burden any longer.
I will not let guilt weight me down anymore.
I will be strong… I must.

My heart…
From now onwards I can’t turn back,
This decision I’ve made,
Must be the only reason for me to keep moving forward.
Nothing can hold me back.

Remember, my heart…
What I had to give to be standing here.
Every sacrifice I've made,
Carries a lot of price.
I’ve paid each with a piece of my heart.
Till I barely had enough to pull myself through.

Time… my heart.
It’ll make it easier for me to live again.
It’ll make me breath again,
It’ll give me strength to build walls around my heart.
So I’ll never have to live like that again.
But hopefully with time...
It would slowly erase my pain and heal these scars living on my broken heart.

Truth about Love...

I did loved him,
Even as i’ve force it out of me...
Till we part we did love with all we had...
It pains us, but it’s what we choose to give.
No one made that painful decision for us...
No one even knew that we would end up apart like this.
But still I wished they would atleast tell me the truth about love...
Before we went this far...

No one tell us,That love is pain
No one tell us, That love is hurtful
No one tell us, That love is sacrifising
No one tell us, That love is waiting
No one tell us, That love is patience
No one tell us , that love comes with a goodbye...

You see,
We loved thru pain,
Even when going gets tough and hurtful,
We choose to sacrifice our love for the one we cherish,
As we knew our time is coming,
We waited patiently for the time to say goodbye.....

Autumn loved tale

There was love story… About him and me,
It may not be as beautiful as other love story…
or one that people would want to hear...
But to me it’s enough to last through my life.
Because it’s about the beauty hidden in all the memories you had to let go…

In this short time…
We love with all our heart could,
And left no room for regrets.
We learn to live and breathe together.
There’s never a moment in our time,
We forgot to treasure the time we had.

We loved enough through pain,
We loved while getting hurt,
Even as we speak those harsh words…
Through our teary eyes…
It reflects our hearts the best.

Our love is like an autumn leaves…
Once fall can never rise.
Once change can never be unchanged.
It’s never your fault that you forget.
Although there was once you said….
“If I could only choose to keep one second of my memories,
I hope that this moment is the one I can choose to keep”
I never blame you for anything.

The day I choose to leave you.
Was the day I watch you stumble and fall as I went away.
Even as you were screaming out to me…
I still choose to leave if that’s the only way for you to live.
I gamble out everything for just one chance.
That no matter what the ending left in stored for us...
You should live to the fullest even without me.

If I ever fall in Love....

Dear GOD,

If I ever fall in love,
Let me love someone whose love extend to you.
So It’ll be my strength to continue to love you.

If I ever fall in love,
Let my love be pure under your guidance,
And refrain it from being a love that lust in hunger.

If I ever love someone,
Let his love for you stay stronger.
So he’ll be guidance to me as you have always been.

If I ever fall in love,
Let the time be right,
So I will not have regret for the future.

But should I love someone,
Whose intention is not right.
Please protect my love from being hurt by him.

If I have to love only to get hurt while loving,
Give me strength to endure what ever comes,
and help me overcome my pain to keeping faith in my love for you.

lie...

I stood there and watch you lie after lie.
Even as I’m bearing my heart to you…
Standing there watching you turn your back,
You lied and lie…

You took the only thing that connect us…
Without thinking how much that pair of shoe meant to me.
Although deep inside you wanted happiness to find me,
But did you know…
Looking at that same pair of shoe,
My heart is blessed,
Blessed by the happiness you gave me.

How did we grew apart?
Was there never love for me in your heart?
Why does it has to another and not you with me.
Why can’t you see how badly my heart cry for you.
Can’t you trust your fate that is written for me?

No matter how many times you discard our memories,
I’ll always find it…
It’s because I believe in our love…
Even as you threw then to the depth of the ocean..

If we can never love with hope to stay together.
Then let there be no love at all.

kali terakhir

Yang terakhir...

Saya bukan insan yang penyerah,
Tetapi buat kali ini…
Saya sedah yang saya kalah dengan takdir..
kerana ia sudah menentukan jalan kita.
Ia itu perpisahan.... Saya menyerah.

Wahai kekasih...
Biarlah janji ditinggalkan janji,
Dan mimpi menjadi angan- angan.
Disini kita bertemu, disini juga akhirnya.
Saya tak mampu menipu dengan hati saya sendiri,
Bahawa saya tak punya kekuatan untuk terus menanti cinta awak.
Saya dah tak yakin dengan cinta lagi...

Saya cuba memahami keadaan yang menyakitkan ini,
Saya cuba untuk menerima kenyataan,
Bahawa ingatan awak mungkin tak akan kembali.
Tapi saya tetap sabah dan berdoa,
Agar suatu masa nanti awak bisa menganali saya...
Orang yang awak sangat sayang.

Tetapi saya lemah dan tak larat lagi,
Untuk terus hidup begini...
Cukup disini, saya merasa kepahitan ini...
Menagis setiap hari kerana awak,
Termakan hati sendiri,
Semua itu cukup untuk melukai sekeping hati saya.

Saya sedah awak banyak berubah.
Kerana dia kan...
Cara awak memandang dia lain,
Saya dapat rasa dalam hati awak sudah ada penggantinya.
Dan saya tahu awak mencintainya...
Jangan menafikan perasaan itu...

Biarlah saya berundur diri...
Saya akan lepaskan awak...
Jika itu mampu memberi awak ruang,
Dan jika itu dapat membahagiakan hati awak.
Saya rela...

Dulu... Awak pernah mengajar saya tentang cinta.
“Ia adalah anugerah dari Allah(s.w.t.) buat hambanya,
Allah mencipta cinta untuk hati yang tulus,tabah dah ikhlas.
Cinta dari pandang pertama akan menyusuk kalbu,
Menyentuh hati dan mendamaikan fikiran.
Cinta adalah harta yang tak ternilai harganya”

Tetapi saya mengenali cinta dengan sifatnya
Yang tulus dan keikhlasan.
Ia harus datang dengan sendiri.
Bukan cinta namanya jika harus dipaksa.
Kalau sekarang, saya terus paksa...
Itu bukan cinta sejati namanya.

Jangan sekali awak membenci saya,
Kala suatu masa ingatan awak pulih seperti dulu,
Sebab kepergian saya...Bukan kehendak saya,
Tapi keadaan yang memaksa saya membawa diri.
Walaupun saya ingin kita seperti dulu.
Saya redha dengan segalanya.

Walau apa pun yang terjadi antara kita..
Segala yang terjadi bukan salah awak
Ia adalah masalah keadaan dan jodoh kita.
Semua ini banyak mengajar saya erti cinta sebenarnya...
“Cinta itu adalah perjalanan,
Yang tak mudah diatasi cabarannya.
Yang manis itu adalah kebahagiaan,
Yang pahit itu adalah pengajarannya.
Cinta bukan sentiasa dimiliki tetapi diberi....”
Dan itulah hadiah terakhir dari saya buat awak...

Dying Alone

Dying Alone…

Almost a week ago I promised someone that on the day he died… I would personally mail a letter to his family, whom never once I seen visited him since the day he was admitted with cancer spreading inside his body as he undergo a major operation.
Truth is, apart of me should have just mail it earlier instead of waiting… but another half of me said “No” I should keep my promised.

Although I’m not sure what he wrote in those letters, still I roughly could guess what it meant. There was once I saw him write it through the night, never once I saw him stopped crying as he hold his pen writing every words slowly. I saw some guilt in those eyes and some part of him I know if he was given enough chances he would say them instead of writing them down. Even as sympathised with the way he lead through his last days, never once have I seen him surrender to fate or given up upon himself.

But today, marks the saddest day in my life.
I saw it with my own eyes as he fought to stay alive till the very end. Even in so much pain I watched him taking his every last breath he even wrote on a piece of paper about the letters that I promised to mail for him once he was gone. There was a pinch of guilt that washed through my heart when I thought about those letters.

The thing that pissed me off is the word that those ungrateful brats said about their father. Could you believe when I called them to let them know about their father condition. They said “Why should we be care about that man? He is close to you what… So even in his last breath ask him to take it on his own!” God I was so angry that no words could described how I wish I could beat the life out of them.

Still I watch him lost his battle to cancer. Even in death you could tell there was some disappointment on that face when you clean him up. But none of my staff said a word at all. Deep inside many of us cried for him who left with his undying faith and belief. He was ever so patience and giving to many patient. He was every reason why most of us loved coming to work. It was him who have faith in me when I had nothing.

He was special to me. On my way home, I looked for a post mail boxed. Said a little pray and fulfil the promised. Although I cried… no one knew inside my heart I was screaming in anger and crying inside for a lost that should have been a proudest moment to his family was the strength he had to carry on living till his last moment…

Keinsafan di waktu terakhir.

Aku sentiasa berlalu di hadapan masjid,
Dan tidak pernah sekali ku langkah masuk dalamnya.
Aku melihat luahnya sebagai satu bangunan yang tidak punya makna.
Tak pernah terlintas dihati ku ingin meziarahi rumah Allah(s.w.a.)

Waktu pertama aku menyahut seruhan Ilahi,
Yang begitu syahdu, sewaktu aku mula merasa kekosongan akan hidupku.
Saat yang aku hampir hanyut dari pangkar kehidupan,
Bila aku mula rasa tenggelam dengan dunia penuh kezaliman.

Apabila aku buntuh dengan cara kehidupan ku,
Hanya dengan setapak masuk ke dewan solat,
Kedengar Azan yang berkumandang tanda masuknya solat subuh.
Di situ juga hati ku sayuh dan tenang rasanya.
Walaupun tak ku faham erti Azan itu...
Namun dapat kurasa air jernih membasahi wajar ku.

Setapak masuk...
Setapak itu lah aku mula rasa rendah diri padanya.
Walaupun aku tidak pasti mengapa ada secebis rasa kesedihan di hati ku.
Namun aku bersyukur dengan ketenagan itu.
Dari masa itu lah aku menyedari bahawa perubahan perlu dibuat.

Berapa kali aku cuba mengenali agama islam,
Yang sudah hapir bertahun- tahun aku abaikan.
Walaupun aku lemah memahami erti surah-surah Al Quran,
Tetapi apabila ia di baca, perasaan ku mula bercampur...
Rasa keinsafan, keredhaan, kesyukuran,
dan ketenangan bila mendengarnya.

Apabila aku mendalami sunah-sunah rasul ku.
Sayuh rasa hati ku akan perjuangan hidup beliau.
Dari perjalanan hidup rasul ku,
Ia banyak memberi ku pengajaran dan panduan dalam hidupku.
Tidak lagi aku rasa kegelapan di hati ku.

Akan tetapi bila bab kematian di sentuh,
Aku menyedari begitu banyak masa telah ku abaikan.
Begitu banyak dosa- dosa yang ku lakukan tanpa menyedari keadaan.
Aku menyesal akan cara hidup ku yang dahulu.
Aku redha padanya, Aku mohon keampunan.
Aku insaf padanya.

Tertanya diri sendiri,
Sempat kah aku membetulkan keadaan?
Sebelum Malaikat Izrail menjumput ku kembali pada Ilahi.
Cukup kah iman ku, untuk ku bawak berdepan denganya?
Terjawab kah aku bila di soal oleh Malaikat Munkar dan Nakir di kubur ku?
Mampukah aku mencium pintu syurga?
Rasa tak sanggup ku terseksa di neraka....

Sambil ku membayangkan semua itu...
Rasa ketakutan mula menguasai jiwa ku.

Brilieant Inheritence OSt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73yvEz996nY

I only said it because I wished to smile.
Why cant you understand how I feel?
I promised myself but again, Im crazily in love.
Its gripping me viciously and controlling me.

I am standing where you left
And am still watching you
It hurts so much when will we ever
Become strangers?

my heart cant stop pounding
even as we parted, we still loved each other
it still seems like that now
The pain doesnt wash away
Although I tried several times to endure it,
Its so hard to live day by day without you.
Youre my life.

Words like sorry and goodbye
Why do you hurt me so
I promised myself but again, Im crazily in love
Its gripping me viciously and controlling me.

I am standing where you left
And am still watching you
It hurts so much when will we ever
Become strangers?

my heart cant stop pounding
even as we parted, we still loved each other
it still seems like that now
The pain doesnt wash away
Although I tried several times to endure it,
Its so hard to live day by day without you.
Youre my life.

You, you probably dont know
Little by little, we are
disappearing from you
even if I put you back in my life, because my heart is worn out
Words like love
Are starting to fade away

The pain doesnt wash away
Although I tried several times to endure it,
Its so hard to live day by day without you.
Youre my life.

segala berakhir disini

Sayangku..
Sesungguhnya.. cinta itu penuh pahitnya,
Tapi aku tetap cinta dengan sepenuh jiwaku...
Walaupun cinta itu banyak pengorbanan,
Aku berikan segalanya dengan keikhlasan...
Bila cinta perlu penantian,
Ku rela memanti walupun cinta telah pergi buat selamanya...

Sayngku...
Cinta kita ibarat lautan...
Luas and dalam...
Dari luah cantik dilihat,
Di dalamnya penuh dengan luka.

Hati yang tertinggal,
Hati yang disingkir,
Hati yang sentiasa menagis...
Bila kah masa akan kembali seperti dulu...

Sayangku...
Apabila penantian menjadi beban...
Hati pasrah jadinya...
Ingin merayu tak bertempat,
Ingin mengadu tak ade yang mendengar.
Hati sengsara termakan rindu...

Mencintai awak sungguh menyakitkan..
Saya disini menanti,
Awak pergi kepada dia,
Awak lupakan saya,
Itu yang melukakan hati ini,

Cinta awak pergi dengan sendiri,
Mimpi manis yang pernah awak janjikan,
Entah hilang kemana...
Kalau di tanya mana pergi semua janji – janji itu...
Tak terjawab nampaknya...
Saya tabah menerima dugaan ini...

Tapi sayang...
Sekarang cukup disini...
Segalanya akan berakhir disini...
Saya akan pergi jauh membawa hati ini,
Dengan harapan agar masa mampu mengubati lukanya,
Dan menghapuskan perasaan ini...

Di suatu masa, bila saya kembali,
Mengaharapkan cinta yang lain...
Cinta yang sah,
Cinta yang suci dari mata Dia yang maha Mencipta,
Cinta yang tulus dan yang memjanjikan kebahagiaan...
Masa itu lah saya telah melupakan cinta awak...

If you could see yourself reflected in my eyes, here’s what you would see…

If you could see yourself reflected in my eyes, here’s what you would see…

If you see yourself reflected in my eyes,
You would see someone who makes my heart just smile from inside.
You would catch a glimpse of somebody who has been such a wonderful influence on my life and keeps on making a beautiful difference in my days.

If you could hear the words I would love to share,
You would be able to listen to a special tribute to you,
One that sings your praises, speaks of an unending gratitude, and describes how much I’ll always appreciate you.

If you could imagine one of the nicest gifts anyone could ever receive,
You would begin to understand what your presence in my life has meant to me…

Confesion

Dearest…
I’m not sure when you’ll be reading this. Till that day comes, I only hope I would have enough courage to be standing beside you to hold you as you read this.

This is me confessing… so please read.

Firstly, allow me to say… “I’m sorry. I truly am.” If I was brave enough this words would be the first words I’ve said to you in person.

I’m sorry for being so stubborn and so cruel. I read all those SMS that we sent each other every night without fail and trust me I always end up crying my way to sleep. I’ve said lots of cruel things that no friends should have, and I’m sure those words made you cried painfully and with great disappointment. If only I could take it back I swear I would….

To make it worst I said that “I wish we were never friends at all.” I lied, I never regret having you as a friend but it’s me I feel the regrets for. Just note, like Marianne you were just as precious and priceless. I wouldn’t exchange you both for anything in this world except that I would give anything of mine for a chance to befriend with you both again...

But for us to be friends again… it’s difficult! I swear it is. Honestly I’m not sure if you feel what I‘ve felt as I tried to approach you. I can’t help having this sinful and guilty feeling that always put me one step behind you. It’s funny when you are so close but such a distance to hold. I can’t stop thinking of all those painful word I’ve said and the thought of you crying.. Gosh that makes me so afraid of being near you again. So you tell me what should I do now? What if I can’t forgive myself?

If you have knew me well, you’ll know that I don’t like confession but because it you that I hurt and you that I truly wish to say this to. I must say this… I really missed you… I really missed us… I missed talking to you… I missed everything… but I can’t be near you and that is hard for me. I did nothing for you to be proud of. Even in life, there is nothing I did that people should be proud of. I wish you could tell me you hate me instead that would be easier to bear.
But being an Angel you are, I wished I didn’t ask you anything at all… for that I’m apologised for everything I did unintentionally.

Secondly… About Marianne.
Let this be our little secret ok… I think we should just stay the way we are now! It’s good that we are no longer friends because like you I hurt her just as much. Promise me you wouldn’t hate her. She is nicest person I know and I must have been a bad devil to hurt her and broke her heart. I never blame her for all the things she wrote in her SMS… the only thing I regret was I didn’t had a chance to tell her thing I told you.. the truth is I missed talking to her and I missed her smiles…( don’t tell her ok). Just like being around you I too feel the tension and guilt by her presence. If only I could say “Sorry” but no use… All these would sound like an excuse. So it’s ok… for me that we stay this way… Just promise me you’ll not be mad at her for telling me your little secrets.

Since I can’t change what is done… I wouldn’t force you to accept my apologies or befriend me again… I let time heal our wounds and for God( Allah) to slowly take a ways all the guilt we have… If we are meant to be friends… we will someday. Till then my friend, I missed you already.

Yours truly,
Nur’Ain

that how we ended...

What was left of us...

As I’m saying this, I had my fair share of regrets.
As I looked at it as a whole picture,
I couldn’t agree more to a stupidest mistake I did.

A certain precious friend was hurt,
She was badly hurt by me, who only wanted to remove a guilty conscious.
To much regrets, we will never be friends again…

I deserved to be hated by her…
Still I wish I’ve said sorry for making her angry,
Instead of her speak word of hatred,
I rather choose a coward route to deal with it…
That is running away….

I knew that no mater how much sorry I was
All this would sound like an excuse to her...
Still if only I had been brave enough to answer your call,
It probably wouldn’t end this way…

Now that things have been a wild and messy day,
My Sorries will not mean anything…
But an excuse…

But dear friend….
I wish I had enough courage to hear you before,
Fate divides our destiny…
I accept to much hurt knowing that hated me…

So please hear me…
I’m sorry for hurting you and thanks for hating me…
Although it hurt to say goodbye this way….
At least I had enough of your smile before it all ended….

And this is what it should be…..

Heart

Do you know why a heart is a vital organ in the body?
Because in a Heart,
Is where every life begins.
Although it’s a mystery how it happen!
Still a heart is one small thing that not many knew its existence.

Ever wonder why you feel things that comes and goes?
But to great difficulties you can’t tell or explain why!
A heart is created in away that it feels and understand.
It can love with all its strength and it could hate a lifetime.
It helps us control our emotion especially in times of pain…

Sometime while loving,
I wonder how strong a heart is when it faces with pain.
Just how much can one heart take before it gets weary?
How much of the pressure can it absorb before it finally gives up?

Why do people lie about maters of a heart?
How can love be meaningful if every thing was a lie.
What is love to you? What is love to your heart?

A heart is strong but weak at the same time.
Some moments it gets harder to breath and then harder to bare.
A heart don’t need money, don’t need gesture or even words.
To tell others that it needed to be heard…
All it need is a little sincerity and lots of love.

Grandma

Dear grandma, if I still have the right to call you that…
I’m not sure when you’ll ever come across this blog… till that day comes I’ll pray you would hear these words before you turn to dust.

There are many things I want the truth about….
But now looking at the whole picture… the truth don’t mean a thing. I’m not sure of why you suddenly wanted to see me then… But like others, I hope it’s something good...

I asked my friends… all of them said that maybe you needed forgiveness from me. It was hard to believe. But I tried to understand what they mean by that. I swear it’s hard, harder then having to forgive a friend that hurt me.

Did you ever knew that your presence always leave me in fears? How hearing your foot step made me shiver pain down my spine? Your words are like sharp knifes stabbing inside me from all direction. Didn’t it made you happy to watch me lost everything? Did you even know that as I got hurt and bled half dead… I only wished you had stopped and feel my pain.

No matter what I do, to you those efforts are worthless…. But for once let me tell you that now I’m no longer that 7 year old kid that feels haunted by you! To me the only family I have is the one I spent 16 years living with and that doesn’t consist you in the picture!

Even when I had to leave home… I did it for the sake of the family that I tried to protect. Many times I prayed for enough courage to wipe their tears… I’ve failed.
Although because of me they got hurt and suffer. Still for that one chance I see freedom for them, was my reason I let them go and protected it with my every faith and strength left in me. Not you!

So hear my words….
If it was revenge that you wanted to see me for… I suggest you try harder to break me! Because this time you’ll come to see that I’m no longer weak! But if it’s forgiveness that you really wish for… I forgive you already. Even if these scars still hurt.

real story

I don’t know what happened that caused me to be harsh as I came in term with life….
It was probably due to hatred that grows inside me or could my thirst for revenge…
I couldn’t hate my guts even more than to know that in time of crisis are where true forms are often reveal to a level in which there is no mercy is left….
I watch hatred in those eyes that made me a stain;

I even have to live with that pain….
I hate being used and cheated!
It like my life has no worth…. I can’t e that foolish 7 year old girl…
One that that it all in blindly and stupidly believed that miracle do existed.

Regret for love

Regrets for love
Since the beginning…
Never thought I could cry so much for love,
Never knew what a broken heart feels like…
Or how crazy I got just by missing you.

Meeting you then falling in love with you…
Was unexpected!
At first it was your smile that I thought was enough…
Then I became greedy. Because…
I don’t just want your love, but I wanted you,
All for myself…

But time and again even as I wanted to hold on to you longer…
You existence tend to slip through my fingers…
I can’t express the regrets I feel watching you cried your heart out…
Even as I’m forced to turn cold….
Back then…
No word could tell you how I wanted to hold you in my arm,
Before I said thing that left you crying a broken heart.

The biggest regret I had was letting you go in a most painful way…
After which you cried hopelessly in his arm…
If only I had enough time to make it right again I would…
But how do I tell you that my actions then was protecting you?
Even as I cried and sympathized with my own heart…
It was yours, your heart that I broke, was why I felt hurt at the same time…

I tried my best to not let you see me cry…
But till the very end… I realized I couldn’t take it in anymore…
As our heart broke… our distance grew wider…
That even as I was standing behind you I fail to hold you…
I missed you badly… how do I tell you so?
I feel like running to you again… every time I’m face with you
But because I wanted to protect you, I tried hard to silent my pain…
And watch you leave…
Even if it’s the last thing I could do for our love…
I would….

the climb

The climb…
Not everyone gets to dream…
A dream as big as yours.
I’m one of them…
If only I had enough courage to dream…
And take chances within my grip…
I would…

Even if I can’t have it all…
I’ll trade everything I have for a chance to recreate a better me.
Although…
I have to give it all up in order to make a simple dream happen, I would!
If you could just once touch a better future then what you have,
One that you could mould to a perfect you…
Wouldn’t you take it too?

In ever course,
These challenges never stop…
It’ll gets tougher as you got higher.
There will be times you are bound to fall,
Be sure to climb up again…

You can never be the ultimate winner if you don’t learn to loose…
And to loose,
It’s a way you’ll learn to find better standing as you learn to rise in every fall…
If you could be a better person…
One whose patience are consistence, don’t you want it too?
The climb…
Not everyone gets to dream…
A dream as big as yours.
I’m one of them…
If only I had enough courage to dream…
And take chances within my grip…
I would…

Even if I can’t have it all…
I’ll trade everything I have for a chance to recreate a better me.
Although…
I have to give it all up in order to make a simple dream happen, I would!
If you could just once touch a better future then what you have,
One that you could mould to a perfect you…
Wouldn’t you take it too?

In ever course,
These challenges never stop…
It’ll gets tougher as you got higher.
There will be times you are bound to fall,
Be sure to climb up again…

You can never be the ultimate winner if you don’t learn to loose…
And to loose,
It’s a way you’ll learn to find better standing as you learn to rise in every fall…
If you could be a better person…
One whose patience are consistence, don’t you want it too?

my heart...

My heart…

Hear my last words…
I wished I had treated you better.
For all those pain and hurtful things I did…
I’m sorry….

It’s not that I don’t love, but for love…
I hurt and got hurt at the same time as I left you hanging on.
I wouldn’t ask to be forgiven or forgiveness,
Only a chance to say goodbye would be enough.

I wounded your pride, broke your heart and made you cry.
If only I had extra time,
I swear I fixed it for you before I leave.
I lied when I say that your love was not enough,
And that I feel suffocated by your presence…
Back then I said it because I wanted to force your love out of me…

All this time… I kept asking myself…
How do I tell you that I was dying. My days are limited.
And that I was afraid of not being with you.
I can’t imagine you pain for me in death.
So I got scared, I rather hurt my own heart and force out your love,
And make you leave me.

I prayed that god would be kind enough,
To give me strength and turn my heart cold enough,
So I could hurt you and watch you leave as I faced with your tears…
I even asked Him for a chance to let me continue to love you,
Till my very last breath…

I hurt you and watched my own heart break…
So love please leave, you deserved better.

Although, I broke us up, never once I regretted it.
In those days I was left hanging, deep inside I knew God hear my prayers,
To grant you someone worthy to love you, When I couldn’t.
You found love again while getting hurt.
I couldn’t thank her enough for all the things she did for you.
I’m happy knowing your life was better without me…

Someday if this truth should reveal its identity,
Don’t feel bad about what you did to me, or
How I made it through days crying silently missing you.
It was not your fault that things ended this way…
It was all mine…

While in pain and suffering,
It was thoughts of you that and everything about you,
That keeps me going through my medical sessions.
My memories of you was my source of strength.

Promise me!
You’ll never cry for our love that is already gone.
Just hold on to her and live with happiness for my sake.

I’m sorry that I’m dying,
I’m sorry for leaving you like this.
My heart would remember you…
Your love that you’ve given me was enough to last a lifetime.
I’m blessed and thankful to have met you.

So don’t feel bad for me.
I’m sure I had live to the fullest because of you.
So here is my final goodbyes….
Goodbye my heart…
Goodbye my love…

What Hurt the most...

What hurt the most.

It’s not being framed that pains my pride,
But the fact that you don’t trust me that hurts the most…
I don’t care for the world, whose eyes looked at me as a stain,
But it’s you, my friend whose words not only wounded my pride but also question my integrity…

If you must know of a certain truth… so be heard.

It’s not about pride or revenge that made me tell the truth that day,
But it’s about doing what’s right! Cause me to take action.
I could be like the guilty who kept it a secret, but if you must know…
If I had followed your thoughts of hiding it…
An innocent would pay the price… while the guilty becomes free.
By the way, I could get it covered and let others lie on our behalf …
But you must know, by doing so the guilty would not learn.

Looking at you break down in exhaustion for this matter,
Was the reason why I could never bring myself to tell you,
What punishment I received…
Watching you tear that day I even wished I had enough courage to reach out to you.
But I was a coward so I silently took it all in and blamed myself..

At the end of the day…
Doing what’s right made me realize a grave mistake,
It drew me a clearer picture of not only the guilty… but also about you!
A side I never expect to know of…

I must say…
It surprises me to know the way you think…
Especially when you wanted me to apologized for a mistake I did not do,
And the words you told to others about me…
My friend I was disappointed…
No words could described my greatest pain that was stabbed to my heart…

Ever heard about 4 rules of being someone friend?
Rule One: You respect them as an individual.
Rule Two: You give the best memories and expect no refund
Rule Three: You trust them no matter what the circumstances led you.
Rule Four: Be sincere and honest even if it hurts.

I must say it now or forever be a fool.
I never thought I would say this…
I never regretted even as I inflicted a lot of pain to others.
But for this matter alone… I had two regrets…

I still believed we could have been best of friends…
Now I regret trusting you like a friend does and now worst…
I regretted knowing you in the first place…
So why don’t you tell me…
How could you expect to trust someone,
When they throw your sincerity and your trust back to your face,
Like it doesn’t mean anything…

Goodbye

Goodbye….

I may regret it so hard.
Like the night I had to let my precious first love go.
Tonight… I will let somebody precious go, again…
But I pray for her happiness always…
Behind you…

She slowly stepped into my world.
I loved her warm smiled that melt my heart.
I’m so fortunate.
To build treasured memories in such a short time…

Those two are so precious to me,
So I had to walk away.
It’s just my joy to see them happy.
But I didn’t know why my heart is aching this much…

Her first kiss brought me revolution to my heart.
Second kiss brought,
Beginnings and end of my love at the same time.
And at that night…

I realized everything would turn into only memories.
It’s sad but my place is not beside her.
All I can do is keep her happiness.

Behind her…
So she cannot be hurt.
I will be right behind her, to support her.
So that she could turn to me whenever things get hard.
I’ll be right here… behind you.

Mirror
Look into that mirror,
You’ll see a beast trap in a flesh of a human.
One that is trap from within,
Is a hungry and angry being.
The kind that people could never read its thoughts,
But feels its existence through action.
That’s what I am…

I could be in a world where people would say
“You have a heart of an Angel”
But truth is, I’m no angel and neither a devil…
Honestly… I don’t have a heart at all.

I’m a beast that kills living miracles.
The type that sees goodness through torture and inflicting pain.
I neither own nor had anything then,
But if you knew me well you’ll see I had nothing at all….
I could bring so much pain to people,
Yet when facing guilt…
I was always the one to cry.

Unlike others who is surrounded by people,
I could never match to them at all.
I fail to have real people around me!
I was always alone where ever I go.
Maybe because I’m too lonely,
That is why I’m often trapped in my own space.
For that I tell you…
I don’t need anyone at all…

Regrets… something I stop having since then.
Back then, it might seem that due to my stupidity,
I lost an essential value by giving it another kind of ending.
I walked out a lifetime of pain to save them,
And giving it a chance to restart a life without me…
Now looking at them, knowing that they are doing fine,
Make my life easier to breath.
If you ask me “if I could turn back time would I fixed all that is broken?”
NO… not a bit of it… no regrets

So here I am,
Looking at myself through this mirror,
How I wish I could tell you it’s me I see as a person.
But sadly…
Deep inside me I crave for revenge that could bring everlasting sufferings,
I see myself growing up only to hate what I’ve become.
I live to bring pain and torture to people.
Would anyone still consider it a human?
Looking through this mirror….
I see myself as a beast and no longer a human…

So Yi Jeong 's heart

So Yi Jeong’s heart…

It is said that loving someone’s with a past is not easy…
One in which you must search where the heart was left behind by time…
You either find a cure or becomes the venom to that chapter…
It’s also said that first love is an unforgettable memory…
Especially one in which involve a person that grow inside you…
The one that mould you to become what you are now…

Ga Eul, unlike others...
You got hurt by love and still search for that special someone…
You would cry your heart out and still learn to stand later…
You face heart breaks with a brave heart…
You persistence in your beliefs,
That’s what I hate to love about you…

You were right from the beginning..
That I lied about not believing in true love…
“That there is someone made for us…”
I would believe that if only I grew up in different circumstances…

You love me for me…
You accepted my past when I was in denial,
Instantly..
You knew a side of me that I tried hard to throw away…

You reach out to hold my hand even as you knew,
That loving me would bring you pain…
You tried to hold on even when you begin to tear…
Even so,
You never fail to embrace me as I’m crying inside…

It was you, that I’ve change…
I now see what I’ve been missing on 4 years ago…
I let an opportunity slip by because of my stupidity…
You were right that letting your love go is a regret of a lifetime…
I regretted it so bad that my heart goes off even as I cried.

You were there… You always have…
Because of you I could find courage to embrace love again,
I realized that it’s time for me to let go of her and move on like she did…
I will never let this chance pass by me again...

Now believe me when I say it’s you that I’m looking at..
Not as a replacement but to love you like you have for me…
So wait for me and don’t be afraid to hold me longer…
Trust me now...
Because from now onwards it’s you that I want for a lifetime…

Guem jan di's love story

Goo Jun Pyo

I wanted to give you a memory that you’ll never forget…
A beautiful memory of us,
Happiness we should never forget,
Even if the ending I have to say goodbye this way…

What if all our happiness fades in a single mistake…
Leaving behind a moment that we should never forget...
But what happen if we forget that moment …
We forget our love… Us

Walking through the memory of you…
I hope for you to always remember…
Those words I said, was real and most honest…
Yes I like you, I always have…
And I’m sure that I’ll love you even more in the future…
I wanted to hold on to that feeling,
Even if it was the only thing I have left…

We had our chances…
But time and again we missed it,
We had moments when we smile and cried
We got hurt and longed but the feelings got stronger,
We tried to walk together,
Felt the pressure but still tried to hold on longer,
But how far can we go…
Without hurting people around us…

I cried so much then,
And now I cried even more for you…
You are one thing that I tried so hard to not let go…
But now I must…
Even if I apologized now,
It’ll never change what will happen between us…
Or the decision that I’ve made …

In times when we are holding on…
I realized…
Sometimes even though how much in love we are...
We got hurt over our difference,
Which will always keep us apart…
So let this be the first and the last time we get hurt…
Let me be the venom this time…

I’ll say my goodbyes this way…
And leave you behind like you did then..
I’ll turn cold and say it as I clenched my fist…
In front of you…

You think it didn’t hurt me…
As I said those cruel words…
That left you hanging on crying with a broken heart…
I saw you cried even as I got further away from you…
It’s funny that even as you ran after me, in that short distance…
It’s my tears you failed to see fall for the second time…

Guem Jan Di ‘s Love…

SLOW DANCE

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast
Time is short.
The music won't last

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short.
The music won't
last

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say, 'Hi'

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift...
Thrown away.
Life is not a race

Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

a loving and lost... New moon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxLt2fAT-6E

The birthay

To Others this may not seem big but to me once a lost.. Forever a regret..
If only i wasn't working today... and still stay with my family... Probably i would regret missing my father's birthday... As much as i want to run from that family.. I never once tell people how much i miss not being part of them... Truth is this would make it the 3rd year i missed this date.... for that i've lost alot on...

Pain in reality....

To live this way for a lifetime...

Do you know what it feels like?
Trying to hold on to something that you should never touch?
Something that keep your entire life together even though in reality…
It’s something that does not belong to you…
In the face of the world…
It’s something worth protecting even though you are often left hurt by it’s presence…
You can struggle to give and only give to fit in…
But like a missing piece of puzzle, you can never fit into a new set…
So you are always left alone to fend for your life at hand…

When the moment comes for you to really step behind the situation…
It’s only smart to choose a path that is called sacrifice.
The part you decide to give up after a long period of suffering and torturing…
May seem easy but honestly it’s the hardest pain and guilt one heart could bear.
It’s never easy, when you are always blamed. But in this picture…
It all started because of you…
You hurt them!
So it’s only right that the slap you got, was meant for you…

Look at what you’ve done…
How could you destroy something you tried so hard to protect?
How much more pain can you inflict on their lives..
How can you not spare their future?
How dare you hurt them that way and expect to be forgiven!
You should stop now… Walk out if you must..
If that is the only thing you can do to bring back what was lost…
Don’t regret this moment, ever in your life.

In the process of letting go…
The time you spent watching from a distance don’t shorten.
It’s like living in a parallel line that when you continue to draw…
The distance gets longer with time, but will never meet…
You struggle as you missed its existence… You pained and suffer in silence…
You never could be honest when you try to lie about your emotion…
That when facing them your wall around you just collapse to the ground…

People don’t see you as lonely… So even as you cried so hard inside they don’t know…
In rainy days that’s when you cried your hardest..
Standing behind the wall like a stalker watching them through the window…
Trying to live in the shadow of their happiness…
If that is what you called sacrifice is… then it is worth every bit of your sufferings…
Only God knows how you tried to make it through everyday as an unforgiven sinner.

Jewelry - Is not likely to know(모를까봐서)

Tittle: Is not likely to know(모를까봐서)

Artist: Jewelry

Remarks... I love this video because of the music and the Lyric is very meaningful... hope you like it too.....

Goo Jun Pyo's feelings

Goo Jun Pyo's feelings

What has happen that cause you a drastic change?
What are you thinking as you made such sacrifice without thinking of your own sufferings?
Is all this worth it? Tell me…
How can you missed her so much and pretend to not care?
What do you really feel as you learn to lie about your feelings?
How are you going to manage yourself if you face her near future?

At a point we finally meet…
All those painful word spoken in that split seconds…
Must have hurt not only her heart. Yours too
So where did you find that strength to clench those fist and burst out cruelty?
How hard did you try to ignore that pain inside you?
Were all you promises a lie…
Ask yourself if you could erase her existence in your heart!

When she cried right in front of you, yet you choose not to face her…
Because deep inside you have begin to tear…
You were trying hard to let go…
But you can’t…
So you began to be afraid that if knowing you have cried..
It still means you are weak.
You’re afraid of turning soft in front of her…
So you rather hurt her that way…

If given a choice on what to do…
I’m sure you felt like holding her in your arms then…
Honestly was your heart crying silently as you watch her go?

In times of longing…
It pains a lot to watch you swallow that much of burden for love…
There must be times you felt like throwing that burden,
And start running to her…
But you stop yourself because of the promise you made with your father…
That’s what holding you back.

So tell me…
How did you get through this misery without a word?
Watching her from far, looking at her pictures and what??
Recalling her every touch, her smile, her kiss?
Is forever enough just by watching her smiles from picture
Or a distance without a touch?
Were you fine as you watch someone else holding her and not you?

So scream… As loud as you can… Let the world hear you.
Cry as much as you want if that would comfort your pain…
Express your deepest emotion so you can continue to numb your heart…
Even when there is no Happy Ending ..
>Boys Before Flower<

Leave..

You should leave..

Leave if you must, but not for my sake..

When you leave.. Don't bring my heart with you..

Leave it as it is.. Broken...

I'm willing to be a fool, bearing all this pain of separation alone,

Because i really love you that I'm willingly let you leave...

It is said that you can never stop the rain from falling,

It must rain for the rainbow to appear..
Like wise I can't stop you from leaving..

So leave now...before my heart becomes weak without you...
I can and will live through this pain of separation,
Because i love you really love you.. so leave...

People say.. "Love brings Separation"
It is through love we learn to separate

And by separation we learn to love again..

Since we have love passionately..

I know that i can find the strength to live through days loving you..

Silently and faithfully.. so leave now if you must.

Even if it kills me, missing you
Walking at every corner still lingers your warmth, your touch, your face

I still believe that time will help me slowly forgets you..

Till then i will endure all our pain of separation alone..

So leave if you must.. leave now...

Before my heart begins to long for your love again....

Letting Go...

It's never easy to let go...
Even in Death, we often find it's harder to let go..
Sometimes we love, and love too much..
That death and separation becomes blind to us.

Loving someone...
Often becomes a challenge,
To endure the pain of separation and death,
That comes very uncertain.

Sometimes these kind of pain that tore us apart,
Can also be our aid to survive in this world.

Although it hurt your heart to let go..
I've learn a valuable lesson..
In facing Death.. we need to be sincere..

When we are sincere,
It makes the process of letting go and forgiveness,
Easier to bare.

Forgiveness don't come easy..
There will be times when no matter how long you live..
or what amendment you do..
You are still not forgiven of the sin you made,
and that shall be your atonement after life.

It's not simple to forgive the Gone..
Because the torment of being left behind with so much hatred
Is the greatest test for their love ones to bare.

Initially it becomes harder to breath.. Then..
when you start to miss them..
It becomes even harder to cry.. and cry alone..

This is life... Where it is said..
Love often bring separation.. and
Through separation we understand the meaning of endurance.

In Forgiveness we find Strength,

In Sincerity we find Faith,

In Loving someone we find Determination,

In letting go we will find New Beginnings

Cinta...

This is one of the Pre-Valentine Treat for all couples out there....

Cinta....

Ia adalah satu anugerah yang tak bisa kita hidup tanpa nya..

Cinta..

Adalah satu penggorbanan, satu pernantian dan satu kerinduan,

yang mampu menyentuh jiwa..

Cinta...

Ia Ikhlas, Ia Tabah, Ia adalah Kekuatan

yang diberi kepada insan yang mampu menghargai nilainya..

Cinta..

Saat pertama ia berputir...

Penuh manisnya bila bersama,

Tapi perit rasanya bila kehilang..

Cinta..

Ia mengajar tetulusan,

apabila berjauhan..

kerinduan akan membuat kita kenali hatinya,

Cinta..

Ia bisa datang tanpa di undang,

tanpa kata-kata

tanpa mendengar..

kita kenali kehadirannya dengan hati sendiri..

Cinta..

Walaupun ia buta di mata orang,

Tapi ia sentiasa berjuang untuk mempertahankan

ke sucian and kebahagiaan nya

apabila berhadapan dengan musibah..

Cinta..

Selalu bermula dari ikatan persahabatan,

Kerana tiada ikatan manapun yang mampu berkekalan tanpa

diiringi persahabatan...

You'll never know...

You were never there when i needed you the most..
You were never close as i thought you'll always be..
You only care for someone else...
And that someone has to be the most dearest to me...
My best friend...

I hate being cheated like this...
You never knew how much it hurts knowing the truth...
How my heart ache... When i misses you...
How i envy.. looking at the both of you together..
You'll never know what i feel except hers..

I can't pretend to not know what's going on...

I can't lie about not knowing the truth...

I can't go through this, like a fool everyday...

I can't buried everything and make you come back...

I can't force love out of you either...

I don't know how to tell you the truth about everything...

Because I'm always afraid that you might hate me for that..

I can't hurt her because she's my Best friend...

One can i can never replace..

And i can't hurt you because it would hurt me just as much..

So what should i do??

Don't blame me if i run away like a coward..

Or do something bad to hurt myself..

I can't help it...

Thinking that unknowingly..

I might have interfere in your relationship first..

I want us to end this miserable painful feeling in a good terms,

so that when many years passes us by..

Where fate would cross our path again..

We will have no regrets... of what our past holds.....

So far..

There is me here standing right next to you..
Even so I find that it's the most difficult to reach you..
At times I don't seem to understand your thoughts but now..
I fail to be your dearest..

I wanted so much to be where ever you are..
But no matter how hard I try, I'll never could reach your heart,

When you needed a friend, I fail to become one.. even when I'm so near.
When you needed a hug, I didn't know how to hold you.
When you needed comfort, I couldn't give you any.
When you needed strength, I didn't have any to share with you.
When you cry painfully... I could never wipe those tears away.
And when your heart is badly wounded..
I still can't take away your pain or do anything to ease your sufferings.

Even when I'm there..
My touch became transparent to you,
My voice become silence to your ears,
And my presence was never notice by you..

To me...
Your every step leaves me with emptiness and pain..
Although I was near but your every words, makes me sound so distance..
That even as I'm crying and shouting at you, My presence was there...
But my soul and voice were so far.. far away...
Evaporated into the sky.........

A one day trauma

This has been the worst week in my entire life..

For the first time today i had an 'E'- OT done at 1615hrs.. I was there to assist.. I did this procedure too many times but never come a cross a sudden complication as worst as this..I never did expected that a simple case could bring a death of two people today..

In the OT..When the surgeon and us nurses realize the tumor has spread too near the carotid artery it was already too late.. We only saw it when we remove the largest tumor that was on the lower right side neck that was pressing on to patients air pipe.. When we saw it.. Pt was already bleeding internally.. And no matter how hard i put pressure on it it was still bleeding.. the blood was protruding through my fingers.

The people there was concentrating on how to revive the body and I was too busy with what I was told to do.. "Stand there and put pressure" that's what they keep repeating to me.. I was standing there for more then 2hrs..

By the then we could no longer feel any pulse present.. Death was certified.. I only saw myself covered with blood "lots of it" from my glove, my scrub suit till my scrub shoe.. I'm actually standing on a pool of blood.. fresh red blood

The second death comes upon the news that was broke to the wife of the deceased. In front of the entire family that women just collapse. The son I suppose, carried the Mother and rushed her to the nearest ICA as instructed by my MO'S. I was there with my MO'S and other ICA staff trying all we can to revive her.. But we fail.... I watch that family grieve over two lost lives without saying a word to anyone at all...

This is what happen today that takes less then 5hrs. I could never really expressed what I feel then.. Maybe a part of me was afraid, and there's a part of me that grieves together with them..
But seriously one thing Nursing has thought me, is to Numb my emotion.. when I'm facing death of my patients. It only makes us seem more emotionless because over the years as we face frequent death we learn not to grieve or sympathise anymore.. That's what one of my Senior said..

goodbye

Making it the only chance i have..
I learn to say good bye..
Good bye to life, pain, loneliness.. and love..
Learning to leave it's never easy..
Counting the numbers of day you left till it's over, is even harder..

For love...Despite my love for you..

I came to realize that it was never enough to keep you with me.. It never was..

I wanted so much to be where you are..But i became afraid.. Afraid of myself...

If i could lie for just a moment longer just so you could stay with her forever..
As away to say good bye without regrets..
I'll do it willingly..

I thought i was the victim here..

Later on i found out, everything was a lie..

I was the third person..

I took everything away from her...

Her family, friends, her life.. and now her love..

As much as i apologise..

I never could take away the amount of pain i left her with...

And here i was..
As selfish as i am..
I could never be true in loving someone..
A part from pain.. what else am i capable of?
I just want to make the situation right again..
By returning you to her..
It the only right thing to do.. believe me it's the hardest to fulfill
Even if it hurt my heart the most..
I'll learn to say goodbye this way..

I know somewhere deep inside you.. you must have loved her once....

All I'm asking you is to live it well by forgetting me..

Give her a chance to be the one to hold your heart again..

And i hope you find that love before i truly say good bye..

LOve is waITinG

LOve Is WaiTIng...

WAiting to BeloveD..

WaitinG to Be ApericiaTEd..

LOve iS a GIft for deSIers, thaT requIre alOT of paTienCE aNd SacriFICE.

LOve haS to alWAys be giVINg anD forgIvInG anD To ENdurE whaTEveR COMes.

LoVINg SomeONe Is HavIng to AccePt And ShaRE BotH sTRengTH and WeaKNess.

ThE swEeTness Of LOve IS crUel bY NAture..

IT ofTEn eXudates THe PAinFUL and BroKeN MoMEnts..

THat WoulD leAVE teaRs iN yoUR eYes..

BuT stiLL givEs Out HAppINess ThaT goES beyoNd Words..

A Kind OF MIracLE thAt ONly The RECeIver CouLd DIscribe!

LOVe Has ITs' TimE And MOmenT..

IT Can OnlY be poSSeSS bY ThoSe wHO pUt in EffoRT IN fIgHting

FOr the LOve oF Their LiFE...

BeCAuSe LOve IS AlwayS WaiTing PatiENtly ANd FAitHfuLLy..

FOr US to FINd AnD EmBRace IT...

Please be true...

I have loved you.. over and over again,

I have forgiven you.. times and times again,

But to be the one who always awaits you... to come back..

It's tiring and painful..

Honestly... i grew tired of waiting patiently and believing

That someday your love would come back to me...

I must have loved and forgive you too much,

That it takes me a while before I came to realize,

It was was my heart that is breaking and tearing apart..

I accept if fate has written you for someone else,

Because..

This time when you turn and walk away,

I know.. you are not coming back...

I never really ask much.. Except for you to be true..

I only pray that i never have to see someone else in your arms..

But it happened..

I wanted so bad to ask you..

But could never find the courage to...

Why.. does it has to be her?

Is she everything that I'm not for you?

When I've always been right next to you.. Waiting..

I beg of you.. Please be true..

Listen.. Now onwards..

I am capable of loving you that much..

And I can only forgive you this much..

I'll take it all.. and accept it if I must..

You've been unfair and unfaithful..

And that breaks my heart..

Still I only ask of you..

Please be true...

Even if the one you love is no longer me..

Suara di jiwa teronta-ronta,

Mata yang melihat, Hati yang memandang,

Menjerit, Meraung, Merantap seribu bahasa.

Namun..

Jendela di bibir tertutup rata,

Keluh di lidah tak mampu berkata-kata,

Puteri di mata, Puteri di jiwa,

Maaf dipinta terkasar bahasa,

Terhenti nafas, masih bernyawa.

Umpama kunci.. salah pintunya,

Terjumpa pintu.. hilang kuncinya,

Ibarat ada dalam tiada.

Namun..

Engkau disini, Aku disana,

Terutang berbudi berkata di hati,

Menyusun langkah, Tersisir dibelakang,

Terus berundur, Terlangkah ke depan,

Di sini tidak, Di sana pun tidak.

Sedingin nafas, jantung ku bertanya,

Sedetik rasa, Jiwa ku berkata,

Sepatu birumu menemukan kita,

Sepatu merah ku kau bawa bersama,

Namun.. Putera hati ku entah di mana..

Hati terasa, airmata mengalir jua,

Tiada rupa, tanpa suara, tanpa bicara,

Hati berdetik seribu bahasa,

Hendak merayu tiada tempatnya,

Hendak menagis tiada sebabnya,

Sekelumit hatiku yang ada,

Entah apa tujuannya..

Namun.. Hatimu.. hatimu.. jua

Hati meronta merawan sepi,

Disini kasih, Disana simpati,

Disini pergi, Disana menanti,

Walaupun sepatu merah mu menjadi saksi,

Walau langkah ku di sisi, langkah mu ke tepi,

Namun..

Setiap kegelapan malam..
Akhirnya pasti menjelang pagi...