Dying Alone

Dying Alone…

Almost a week ago I promised someone that on the day he died… I would personally mail a letter to his family, whom never once I seen visited him since the day he was admitted with cancer spreading inside his body as he undergo a major operation.
Truth is, apart of me should have just mail it earlier instead of waiting… but another half of me said “No” I should keep my promised.

Although I’m not sure what he wrote in those letters, still I roughly could guess what it meant. There was once I saw him write it through the night, never once I saw him stopped crying as he hold his pen writing every words slowly. I saw some guilt in those eyes and some part of him I know if he was given enough chances he would say them instead of writing them down. Even as sympathised with the way he lead through his last days, never once have I seen him surrender to fate or given up upon himself.

But today, marks the saddest day in my life.
I saw it with my own eyes as he fought to stay alive till the very end. Even in so much pain I watched him taking his every last breath he even wrote on a piece of paper about the letters that I promised to mail for him once he was gone. There was a pinch of guilt that washed through my heart when I thought about those letters.

The thing that pissed me off is the word that those ungrateful brats said about their father. Could you believe when I called them to let them know about their father condition. They said “Why should we be care about that man? He is close to you what… So even in his last breath ask him to take it on his own!” God I was so angry that no words could described how I wish I could beat the life out of them.

Still I watch him lost his battle to cancer. Even in death you could tell there was some disappointment on that face when you clean him up. But none of my staff said a word at all. Deep inside many of us cried for him who left with his undying faith and belief. He was ever so patience and giving to many patient. He was every reason why most of us loved coming to work. It was him who have faith in me when I had nothing.

He was special to me. On my way home, I looked for a post mail boxed. Said a little pray and fulfil the promised. Although I cried… no one knew inside my heart I was screaming in anger and crying inside for a lost that should have been a proudest moment to his family was the strength he had to carry on living till his last moment…