Grandma

Dear grandma, if I still have the right to call you that…
I’m not sure when you’ll ever come across this blog… till that day comes I’ll pray you would hear these words before you turn to dust.

There are many things I want the truth about….
But now looking at the whole picture… the truth don’t mean a thing. I’m not sure of why you suddenly wanted to see me then… But like others, I hope it’s something good...

I asked my friends… all of them said that maybe you needed forgiveness from me. It was hard to believe. But I tried to understand what they mean by that. I swear it’s hard, harder then having to forgive a friend that hurt me.

Did you ever knew that your presence always leave me in fears? How hearing your foot step made me shiver pain down my spine? Your words are like sharp knifes stabbing inside me from all direction. Didn’t it made you happy to watch me lost everything? Did you even know that as I got hurt and bled half dead… I only wished you had stopped and feel my pain.

No matter what I do, to you those efforts are worthless…. But for once let me tell you that now I’m no longer that 7 year old kid that feels haunted by you! To me the only family I have is the one I spent 16 years living with and that doesn’t consist you in the picture!

Even when I had to leave home… I did it for the sake of the family that I tried to protect. Many times I prayed for enough courage to wipe their tears… I’ve failed.
Although because of me they got hurt and suffer. Still for that one chance I see freedom for them, was my reason I let them go and protected it with my every faith and strength left in me. Not you!

So hear my words….
If it was revenge that you wanted to see me for… I suggest you try harder to break me! Because this time you’ll come to see that I’m no longer weak! But if it’s forgiveness that you really wish for… I forgive you already. Even if these scars still hurt.