It Rain...

I spent the whole of one day to get myself together.
Thankfully, it rained that night.
It rain so heavily that even as I walk down the road without an umbrella,
To shelter me... no one knew I spent that moment crying till my heart content.
I needed that moment to myself.
A moment to pick myself up again.
A moment where I could force my pain out of my heart.
A moment to just let everything washed away from my soul.
That moment when I cannot lie anymore.
I can’t even hide myself.
I no longer could pretend to be the strong person I was before.
That moment I was at my most breaking and unbearable state.
There was so much confusion, so much uncertainty and so much inner conflict.
All this require time for me to sort out...
But most of all I needed to cry this pain and torturous feeling away.
Because every time I open my eyes,
The image of his crying face still lingers in my sight.
The guilt I had for breaking his heart is my sin to carry.
So don’t forgive me Dad. I don’t deserve it at all.
I just know that someday I’ll figure it all out.
Life will get better maybe another few months or even a year later.
So don’t ask me how I’m copping now, because I don’t have any answer with me right now.