A Gentle Pat

A gentle pat on the head can mean so much to someone like me. The comfort touch from that warm hand, gives off a secure and loving vibes that makes one heart feel so loved.

I was sick yesterday when i had an unexpected visit. When i opened that door, it was my stepfather standing with his had full of groceries bag. Truth to be told, I wish it was my mum instead but never the least i’m grateful of his presence. He said that he found out that i was not well from my uncle. He came over despite his hectic working days and stayed till the late evening when my uncle came home. This is the first time someone cooked and clean for me.

He cooked me a simple bowl of porridge but each spoon taste the love of a father to his child, this mixed emotion inside me actually moved me to tears... i cried silently as i eat each spoon of it. I hope he never hear me cry. I only knew him being here was trying to understand me and create some bond between us. But whenever I’m asked of questions about myself ,I’ll say little in reply. Since I’m determine to leave them, I wouldn’t say much so there will always be this empty feelings and this distance will become wider between us as time goes by.

He fed me my medicine and sent me to bed, covers my blanket for me. Then he said “ You should try to sleep as much as possible. I’ll be here so don’t worry.” After that he sat beside me and pat my head till I was asleep... When I was half asleep with my back facing the opposite direction of where he sat, i heard him say as few thing that wasn’t clear to my ears. But the last line of words he whisper to my ears was very clear “I wished your mum had told me about you sooner, So i could have you close to me and love you like my own.”And he gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead. I cried another silent cry as i lay there hearing him say it... No one would ever understand the kind of feeling i had at that point of time or how much that gentle kiss and pat means so much to an orphan like myself.

Honestly, I envy Hakim for having such loving person for a father. Even as much i wished he was my own. I stop myself from having such thoughts .I have to keep my promise, I must leave them when time comes. I must stop myself from loving them as my own or else when it time to say goodbye it’ll hurt a million times more. But Mum... for now let me be selfish. Let me keep this warmth a little longer.... I’ll promise you I’ll let it go when i say my goodbyes, i wouldn’t keep even a trace of this...