kasihku... pergi lah

Saya meminta cinta yang ikhlas dari awak,
Bukan luka dari kekasih lama,
Saya bukan dia yang meninggalkan awak terpana tanpa kata- kata,
Saya bukan dia yang menguris naluri lelaki awak dan melukai jiwa awak.
Saya hanya insan yang ingin cinta saya dibalas,
Kerana saya sayangkan awak.
Saya kasihkan awak.
Mengapa bayangan dia sentiasa melekat dengan mata awak,
Sampai setiap kali awak melihat saya,
Awak selalu memanggil namanya.
Kenapa awak tak yakin dengan cinta saya.
Kurang ke cinta yang saya berikan selama ini?
Terlalu sikit ke kasih saya pada awak,
Sampai awak tak dapat melihat hati saya di depan awak.
Awak keliru, dengan perasaan awak,
Sampai ada kala saya rasa awak tak pernah mencintai saya.
Setiap kali saya cuba memberi sedikit kepercayaan pada awak,
Tapi awak musnahkan kepercayaan saya.
Awak selalu robak hati saya dengan tipu hela awak,
Tetapi saya tetap sabah dan menerima semua ini.
Awak lukakan jiwa saya dengan racun masa silam awak,
Saya ambil semua ini dengan ikhlas, tanpa mengeluh penat
Walaupun semakin lama jiwa saya menjadi mati rasa,
Sehingga hati saya terguris hinggalah ia tak punya nyawa lagi.
Tapi awak, kalau awak punya sedikit ihsan,
Pusinglah kebelakang, lihatlah saya.
Saya janji, saya memaksa awak menerima saya apa adanya,
Kalau awak ingin saya lepapskan, saya rela ditinggalkan,
Asal awak janji pada saya yang awak akan terus berhidup,
Awak mesti janji pada saya yang awak akan mencari kebahagiaan.
Dan saya rela awak pergi, dari serus terseksa untuk membalas cinta saya.

The day we broke up

I knew this day was coming,
The word goodbye that you say from those lips,
They were not words you arrange overnight,
I hate those words,
The cruelty it meant and the leaving and the heartache,
I hate them all.
I refuse to see the ending was coming,
But I had no choice but to accept it all with an open mind.
I didn’t want you to see my true self,
That always cries since the first you lie.
Looking at my tears flowing will only make you see,
How ordinary and weak I was.
So I took the blow like some strong wall while clenching my fist,
Like an angry broken pillar inside.
I couldn’t cry the pain or scream the unhappiness you left.
All I did was shake your hand and walk away first.
Like a coward running before the pain begins.
When I finally stop at a distance and turn around,
I saw you hugging her in those arms,
And my heart tore apart because it hurts so much...
I bend down on the ground,
Holding my knees to my chest and cry the pain out.
The reality is so cruel to me,
You found love at the risk of me, who had to lose everything.
It’s not fair, so not fair.
I cried hard for my own heart, while bursting the words unfair inside my chest.

I need her just as I needed you..

I remember how i always tell you,
“You’ll be my first and my last.”
But if I tell you now, that you’re not my only one,
Will you hate me for that?
I couldn’t help myself to always want her,
To love her just the same way I’ve loved you.
I needed her in my life,
My heart wanted her here so bad.
Even though I know it’ll hurt you,
I gamble my luck to make her stay by me through out .
I wouldn’t tell you my regrets for breaking your heart.
Because if I say so, then I’m betraying love itself.
I wouldn’t make you stay to see me as a man i was before,
Nor will I let her leave so i could have you.
I know no matter how much I hope you stay to understand me,
It’s only my wishful thinking you’ll see through me.
Her, I needed her to make me see life i missed the most.
The freedom I wanted to cherish with her,
I wouldn’t force you to accept my hunger for her love.
But if you believe love is not like this, and that the pain...
Is just too much for your heart to bear,
I wouldn’t hold it against you if you wish to leave me.
Because while embracing her love then,
I already knew i’m hurting you since,
I don’t expect to be forgiven but if you truly love someone,
Then all the way till the end it’s happiness you wish for them to hold.
Someday you’ll find a love that makes you see the happiness,
I’ve attain by keeping her here with me.

Reflection of her i need to let go.

I was her reflection,
In your eyes, I’m always her.
A vision that always makes your heart skipped.
While looking at me,
It’s her shadow that you only notice not mine.
While I spent the time looking at you,
You, whom made my heart beat a seconds faster,
While looking at you, while trying my best to love you.
Trying my hardest to be myself but keeping a piece of her in my heart.
The time always stopped the moment our eyes met.
The heart that yearns for you to see me and only me...
Hurts when I know you imagine me as her all the time.
Even though I give so much to be different from her,
Just because I had her heart... it’ll still be her that you see.
Her whom you loved had gone with the wind,
Always awaits your presence in heaven..
But I'm here waiting for you to turn around and look at me,
Stood there long enough for you to see but you never would.
My heart burns everyday, the disappointment I had,
Knowing you couldn’t let go,
I got tired of waiting at the side lines,
If I want to be happy for once,
Then I got to choose between you and my life.
If I knew having a new heart would make you come to my arms,
But only to wound me with memories of the owners heart,
Then I wished I never had it in the first place?
I never want to love for the first time if I knew I’ll be hurt.
So I choose my life without you.
I don’t need love if it’s broken and painful.
That’s not how love should be at all.
Me longing for you all the time,
While you stubbornly stayed here looking for pieces of me that resembles her.
Not any more... I’m letting myself go,
Allowing you to have this last moment by yourself to think...
While I decide to turn away and leave you first.

What If...

What and If...
Are just words, but if you put them together...
They became a phase that haunts you.
What if. What if...
I’m telling you... that you were wrong from the start?
The love you let go for someone else to embrace,
What if I say that it’s a mistake?
She whom you loved dearly, leaving you...
All because you wanted her to be happy.
What if I say without you by her side happiness can never reach her?
What would you do about that?
Her world collapse when you decide to leave,
Her heart broke when you threw her away like that.
Her love is weak as you thought it was,
Too bad you couldn’t cherish her like you said you would.
What if I tell you that she only needs you all her life,
And without you all her faith and strength vanished.
As a friend, heed my advice.
I stood there watching her sacrifice every bit for you,
I don’t know what a love like Romeo and Juliet feels like,
But if you truly want to be embraced by true love,
Never let go of her hand again...