Dear Family...

Mum...

I wish really wished we never have to meet again.

There is so much I wanted to know. But let’s just say I didn’t have the courage to ask all that you have buried beneath the world. I didn’t want to stay and continue to watch your hatred that run down my soul. So here I am.... finally giving up. I will not keep you here for myself. And I hope by me leaving it’ll give you some peace in your life.

I hated myself because of you; I hated myself because you make me envy my brother. But I guess it doesn’t matter now. I already give “him” back to you. One thing I learn from all this is, I shouldn’t keep whets not mine. Maybe we are not meant to be a family that I yearn so much. But I certainly do know one truth... It’s a lost that we became like this in the end.

Remember when I say “I will never forgive you.” I take them back. I come to understand that if I choose to move on... I must let you go, and by letting you go means forgiveness must come as an ending to a past. I wanted to close this door and open fresh new ones. One that has no image of you in it. Yes, I forgive you... even when my heart tells me you don’t deserve it at all.

My uncle, he told me something yesterday, after going through so much, I deserve to be forgiven and forgive, I deserve some happiness for myself too. He told then, “that God is fair”. Even he made me struggle thru so much pain and unhealed wound... “God is kind”; He’ll make everything better again. So I’m certain in future, that everything will become good again so I will never regretted doing what I did for you. I suppose now, we don’t own each other anything... so goodbye.

Step Dad...

I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.

These words they are the most hardest to say. But I’ll say them out for you.

You were like the best gift in my life. You accepted me when my own mother refuses me. It hurts a lot here “my heart” when I wounded your pride as a father. I’ll never forget how I made you cry that day. How bitterly each times those tears flow.

I’ll always cherish the smile you gave me. Even when all this happiness lived short. Know this well, those were the best memories I had. At least now I wouldn’t yearn so much to be creased by a father. For all those nights that you came over and took care of me. I know my mum hated it. But still did came over these few nights and give me a gentle kiss on my forehead. I’ll miss those.

I’m just so sorry that we cannot be a family that you dream of so much. I know I once promise that I’ll try my best to make mum accept me. But forgive me now that I’ve given up those dreams. I will not hold her back any more. She is not my mother. She’s faizal’s mum... not mine. I don’t have the right to keep her. I hope you understand this.

Please don’t come to see me anymore because if you do, I’ll run away again. I promise mum that I will not take any of you away from her. I told her that I’ll be leaving first this around. At least it would not hurt so much as it did when I watch you all leave that day at the airport.

So Dad... this is my last time calling you that. Could you promise me something! Promise me you would not blame Mum for me leaving. Don’t hate her for all the pain she gave me. Love her because she deserved it after all the suffering she had to go through for hiding my birth from you... Promise me ok. Take care... I’ll love you always. Goodbye.

Your child... with love, Ain.