Blown away with the wind.. my love.

Death has finally came,
Taking you away from my arms,
Leaving nothing at hold,
How do you love someone whose ashes blown by the winds?
Nothing left behind except your pictures.
And memories of you still lingers here,
I stood here in the corner where the sunshine,
Here is the warmest corner where your scent your touch,
Strongly felt just by sitting here cuddle my soul.
When I miss you the most, unbearable...
My heart cried the tears that I couldn’t when I sent you away,
I needed the strength to live this trough,
So forgive me if I throw away your things,
I need to let you go since the day I choose the wind to carry you away.
I know it’ll take a while before I could live again.
But I need to do this for me,
It’s not that I hate you for leaving me here alone,
But I needed to live with this chapters of you closed,
Before I die here crying every minute because I missed you so.
Your depart was the biggest blow I had swallow alone.
I thought I was strong enough to hold it in me,
But I guess I wasn’t that strong as I thought I was,
I thought I became numb that first night without you here,
But as the night grow with each passing day,
The loneliness makes me scared of forgetting you,
The darkness keeps coming and the silence in this room...
Were all my fears I used to cry for in your arms then?
Please forgive me my love,
I apologise with all my heart for this.
If I forget and go now,
Even if it thew away your things and half of these pictures of you,
I promise you one thing, with all my heart you’ll be the only person,
I truly and always will be in loved with you.
Somewhere in the depth of my heart you’ll be the only one,
That occupies the corners of it.
I promise you this.
So love if you had to leave, Go...

Loneliness.. is scary

Loneliness is scary,
Trapped and in pain,
Screaming the word no one would hear,
Loneliness is really scary,
Especially in the darkness that wraps one from within.
The agony one felt can never reach others.
Loneliness is really scary,
The silence could kill a heart,
The quietness is unbearable.
Loneliness is hurting,
Stabbed and bleeding,
The heart could barely contain it sorrows.
Loneliness is punishment,
What you give to be free,
A price you pay for the damage you cause.
Loneliness is a burden,
Heavier weight shouldered alone,
Weighing down, slowly draining your strength.
Loneliness is fear,
Afraid of being here by yourself,
Fear for the words people says, always afraid.
Sometimes... when loneliness comes and swallows me in,
The feeling of being blind here alone,
Takes me away from reality that cannot change to accommodate my broken heart.
There are times loneliness gives me the comfort,
But most of it only encourages me to build that strong invisible wall,
To keep me safe the second time I’m hurt by love again..

your memories...

I understand...
The fear one has if a precious friend suddenly wakes up,
I’m always afraid that your memories would come back.
When you remember,
Everything real will become a lie in a blink.
Whatever that makes you happy now might only hurt you later.
I know I shouldn’t hide the truth about my heart.
But I gamble on everything that day when you told me you loved him.
I gamble on luck against destiny and love against ignorance,
I give up my heart to keep yours at hand,
And risk everything for the love you had attained above my own.
I knew ever since I had hurt him so much,
By making him accept you, loved you and stayed by you.
I saw through his eyes how much it grief him to let love like ours go,
Likewise we both did what was necessary for you,
Even it’s against our heart against our love... for a friend.
The time may continue to bring you both together,
But it’ll never decrease the amount of fear I had,
If your memories comes back.
You’ll hate me by then.
And that a risk I must take even if my intention was good.

I Think of him, but

I think of him every day,
My days were filled with thoughts of him,
The first time I met him,
How he makes my heart throb,
The way he called my name so gently whispering them to me,
How warm his touch felt on my skin,
I think of him every day...
That smile that he always shows only to me,
The laughter’s I hear that echoes through my ears,
The tender touch I knew that wipe away my every tears,
I think of him every day.
But then he had to go far away too sudden,
The warmth slowly disappears from my soul.
I was never afraid of pain,
But now I tell you I lie when I say those words.
I’m afraid of being here alone covered in coldness and pain.
I’m scared that with this coldness I’ll become numb,
Soon the silence will come and swallow me in,
And with this silence I will eventually forget him,
I refuse to forget, so I put on this music on continuously,
Always playing them non-stop,
When I go places where he once stood there,
I couldn’t help myself to keep looking around me,
Hopefully a glimpse of his smiling face still lingers there.
But I was always left with disappointment,
Even if I wanted him here just a little longer,
He could never comeback,
Even when I cry begging the God to let me say my goodbye,
He’ll never come back.
I know it’s foolish when I say I’ll think of him every day,
But if I don’t do so, I’ll lose him here and everything.
I can’t be here if he isn’t coming back.
It’s like living but without a heart.
Heartless and hurtful.

I Cried

That every minute you cherished, the special moments,
You kept them all inside even while facing the loneliness.
I was only trying to run away pushing those memories out of my mind,
Even when I already knew the truth,
It’s my identity I’m afraid to reveal to you.
Even when the depth of my heart could barely contain your flowing tears,
It’s the truth I’m most afraid you knew now then later on.
Even when I showering you with that love I thought I lost before,
It’s still you that I barely get to hold on long enough for you to love me in return,
I wanted so much to scream my longing for you,
Run to you whenever you called, hold you close like before.
But every time you looked at me with those soft gentle eyes of yours,
I knew it’s my previous image of myself flashed before you.
You would tear the pain for hurting me then,
But you never could see me now all changed and revengeful before you.
You believed in our love like it’s a treasure worth losing your life for,
While I stood there hurting you over and over again with lies told from the past.
When I saw you broke apart just by looking at me,
Screaming for me all hurtful and on your knees begging me,
I realised I hurt you too much,
I’m unworthy for that love you guarded all this time.
So now inside while looking at your back facing my gaze,
Deep inside I regretted that pain I inflicted upon you.
I regretted the years I made you cry for,
I hated myself for all those tears I left you crying for now.