Secret

Here is a huge secret...

I am jealous...... Jealous of a sick teenager who is given lots of attention at my work place!

At first i envy her for the most supportive parents she had, despite their busy career they took time out on and off to stay with her every night.

She got a wonderful older brother who always visit her with chocolates and toys at hand... and a loving sister who always put a smile on her face..

Although the doctors can't seem to help her any longer... Truth is her time is not that long either.. They said that if she had another break down .. it would make her condition worst.. So her family have to be prepare for whatever might comes...

I know its so bad of me to be so jealous of a dying person... I just can't help it!!

Every time i was there watching my heart would whisper... "This kid is the most luckiest kid in this world. So much tender love and care are showered. She makes me feel very incomplete.. It would be good to have all that.."

But yesterday... as i was on Night Shift... She poured out to me for the first time... She cried a lot... I could tell where the concern comes. I know even though in front of her family she acts like a brave child, inside her still beats the heart that shivers the pain and afraid of being left alone in the darkness..

For that part.. I felt like connected to her... But i could never bring myself to tell her what it feels to be alone.. instead i told her that her parent's love is so deep as the ocean, it'll always will be there for her..

I just couldn't hurt her even when i wanted to..

Maybe the reason i never could say it was because i truly know what it feels like to be trap by your own pain and past..