SORRY

Sorry that i pushed you away,

Forgive me this last time if you could,

There’s so much i wished i had.

So i could choose to avoid this pain,

Sorry that i had you involved,

Only to end it with so much tears.

All the smiles you had once,

Sorry that i took them away one by one,

God had been kind to give me “You”,

Yet all i did was made a full life soul,

To an empty living corpse.

I wouldn’t ask to be forgiven fully by you,

Yet i ask of you to please don’t ignore me,

Because no matter how much hurt i left you with,

Deep inside i wished i had even so little,

A pinched of happiness to return you with...

What it takes to be just me..

You can never imagine what being me truly feels like...

So alive but at the same time so dead.

So full and whole yet so empty and broken.

So crowded outside yet so lonely inside.

So bright the world yet so dark in reality.

So strong physically yet so weak in strength.

So loud yet so silent by words.

You can never understand what it feels to be me...

Never happy but always angry,

Angry because the world is painful to live in,

Angry towards God for all the unfairness in life,

Angry at almost everything before my own eyes.

Angry about being abandon and unwanted.

Angry for being helpless and misfortunate.

Angry just about everything...

You must have wondered how I have lived on...

Whatever that envies me,

 Is marked down by the ragging anger inside,

And all the craving and desire I had buried deep within.

I pretended life to be a doll,

So well guarded by the strongest wall of fears.

Yet when the trouble comes shaking them,

I’ll turn around and kept digging in deeper,

Only to build up another layer of fear as my shield.

Buried myself deeper then the depth of the ocean,

So deep that I could feel the gates of hell are just underneath my feet.

They say someday...

Hell will really swallow me up.

It’s not that im ungrateful to be alive.

I do... if you had known me well,

But because i fear of what my future is,

Because i fear my own haunting past

I rather it be hell that come and take me away,

Maybe it’s not that bad you see...

Not every "Heaven" has a place for the good ones...

But for my case...

Due to my resentment towards life, 

I don't have the right to choose....

so this is what it truly is like to be me.... broken and alone...

Pergilah cinta...

Sesuatu yang pernah saya miliki,
Kini saya redha dengan pemergiannya..
Mungkin takdir sudah tertulis,
Saya akan kehilangan Nya..
Saya harus relakan cintanya pergi dengan dirinya...
Mungkin sekarang orang tak akan faham pengorbanan saya,
Tapi kala suatu masa yang pasti,
Orang akan redha dengan situasi ini..
Tapi sayang...
Kala suatu masa awak merasakan cinta itu kian kembali,
Saya berharap dan hanya berdoa agar awak tidak datang kembali untuk mencarinya,
Cinta...yang saya relakan ianya pupus dari dunia saya.
Tak mungkin saya meminta ia untuk kembali sekali lagi.
Pergilah cinta... Pergilah dari hidup hamba,
Mungkin dunia saya akan sepi dan sunyi,
Tetapi itu adalah kerelaan hati ini...
Ada baiknya jika saya belajar untuk berdiri lagi meskipun sendiri tapi tabah...
Itulah permintaan terakhir dari saya

Emelda... Awak

Emelda,

Awak terlalu baik buat saya,

Apa sahaja yang awak hadapi,

Semuanya awak lalui dengan tabah dan sabah,

Sudah terlalu lama saya melukai hati awak,

Awak dimaki dan dihina berulang kali,

Awak ditinggalkan sendirian untuk berdiri sendiri,

Awak yang menjaga Dania tanpa mengeluh,

Sentiasa sabah dan tenang berdiri menghadapi semua ini...

Terlalu lama awak disakiti kerana saya dengan Emera,

Rahsia yang awak pikul sampai sekarang,

Rahsia yang terlalu lama makan jiwa awak,

Tetapi awak tetap dengan pendirian awak,

Menyimpan rahsia itu sampai sekarang.

Awak terseksa and sepi kerana saya...

Kata maaf yang berulang kali saya ucapkan,

Tak mampu untuk mengembalikan maruah awak,

Yang terlalu lama terguris dan terluka.

Hati awak hancur kala awak mula mencintai saya,

Dan sayalah orang yang banyak kali menyakiti awak,

Meski pun saya sayangkan awak.

Meskipun awak sentiasa disalahkan kerana kemusnahan hidup saya,

Tetapi pada halnya, awak terlah menyelamatkan jiwa saya,

Dari terus berluka dan hanyut kerana masa silam.

Maafkan saya kerana melukai hati awak lagi.

Akan tetapi percayalah,

Kala saya dapat memutarkan semula saat ini,

Saya mahu terus berlari mendapatkan awak,

Sentiasa menjaga dan melindungi awak dari terluka.

Saya igin sentiasa berada disisi awak kala awak tidur,

Dan menjadi insan yang pertama awak lihat bila awak bagun.

Dan jika awak kembali lagi dalam hidup saya,

Saya berjanji akan beritahu awak tertapa saya sangat - sangat...

mencintai  awak seumur hidup saya.

terimakasih kerana memaafkan salah saya, dan mencintai saya...

Be the last

Let this be the last,
The last time we both sit here crying,
While pouring the reality of us breaking up,
Nothing changes what was already broken,
All the love we had with us vanished to thin air,
Nothing left to hold us together,
Leaving behind only the pain that had been there for a while...
It's not we never tried to mend the broken heart for each other,
But the harder we tried,
the more mistakes we did and the wound becomes unbearable...
Love comes with goodbye,
As loving we were before,
Only God would had seen how we suffer for love.