I'll forgive you

If ever you decide to leave,
Don’t come back anymore.
Let me stay here by myself... alone.
Gather my last bit of strength,
And slowly let your hand go.
I would let you leave me first,
And watch your back turn away from me,
Cry my last tears of pain,
Then shut my soul from tearing the hurt you left.
I know that I’m foolish for letting you leave.
But my foolish self will become brave later.
I’ll force my memory to erase you from it.
And then allow myself to love again.
If the depth of my memory still linger your touch,
Then I shall end my life from loving someone again.
You know the strangest thing love can make one become,
But it never happen to me,
Love like ours only drain our strength,
Weary us too soon and hurt so much to just stay.
So i allow you to be free, allow you to fly away.
Find the happiness you deserve.
Forget about me....
For your sake, I’ll forgive you always,
Even for the betrayal....
I’ll stay behind and watch you leave,
Place my hand in my heart and pray for a better tomorrow.

I...

What words is there left to describe this emptiness inside,
The tears kept falling even in the sleep.
The pain still hurt even after taping the heart back together...
The silence is to quiet to share this moment...
This hole,
I cannot tell you how it happened.
I cannot hid it behind a smile,
Or lie well enough to pretend it didn’t hurt me one bit.
Because I lost everything.... everything.
I couldn’t gather enough strength to call you to turn back,
I couldn’t even run to you to stop you from leaving.
I couldn’t even hold you when I should.
Everything is already too late now,
I swear I’ll never regret it,
But I lie.... I regretted everything.
Everything since I let go of those hands that always hold close,
It’s too late to say my words of apology...
Because when I saw you now after you left,
You already belong to someone else.
I hope she cherished you when I couldn’t.
Give you the love you deserve to have... always.

ONe chance

I wouldn’t ask of you,
To come back and stay.
I know you needed your space,
You wanted the freedom I cannot have.
Even when I tried my hardest to bind you to me.
It’s my lack of confidence that failed to make you see,
See what I was inside and felt what I felt deep for you.
My words are never enough for you to forgive,
My being is only enough to crush you apart.
I know well how much trouble I’ve caused,
And the pain of being here with me,
Will only weary you till you finally burn at the depth of hell.
I never pray for you to come back,
I never would ask to be forgiven as well.
Give me one chance,
One last chance to make it right again.
I’ll give him back to you willingly.
Then everything will end just then.

He taught me to love...

Today,
I met a certain someone whose beliefs in love surpass time and pain.
One thing I learn from him is not surviving the odds with just pain and wounds but with only faith at hand and the patience of waiting with time....

I watch an old man live his days with only simple things, things that makes him smile and the way he look at the world so beautifully despite the corruption beneath the great blue sky.
Clearly tells me, he wasn’t in a state of denial but trying to paint a beautiful memory of her at heart.

He told me he loved her knowing she’s gone. Even when death came early to invite her to the heavens door, to him it’s a blessing knowing she’s there. At least she didn’t have to go through life being alone like he did. What he saw about life tells one how content he was with the little he had that never stops him from loving her more.

I admire how he always tells me about her. How her smiles makes his heart palpated hard and how hearing her laugh makes music that calms his soul. Even being old, his memories of her are so fresh with colours. Somehow I wish I met someone who would remember me that way... I just know if there ever one person who would, I’m beautiful in every of his memory.

But today on this day that I will always remember...
On his dying last breath, I recall him telling me the night before. How he wished peoples heart wouldn’t change so easily with time passing by. He told me how much he misses her being here and how much he loved life with all the memories of her in it. He was so ever thankful for love, grateful of being loved and lived well to not regret.

He taught me once, that love is to cherish every moment even when being hurt and left there to be alone. Love is happiness that goes beyond giving and sacrifice. He always tell me about how much god loved his people and how he made someone special for everyone. He made me see love that i hated the most.

But still he taught me to love is not easy. I believe in everyone soul, everyone is always waiting...
Waiting for that one person to come and swept you off your feet. And love itself will come with patience and the time we all spent waiting for it to meet us again.