Words of goodbye...

Words...
All those painful times I cannot say,
In this last chance I hold on like an idiot crying by myself...
Through this hard and freezing cold night...
I sit there like a fool crying while thinking of this day how I hurt a friend.
It took me one moment, in one breath.
In this silence that accompany us.
For me to gather all my feelings at hand.
While clenching my fist like an angry soul,
Filled with revenge and pain...
Slowly closing my eyes and count from 10 backwards,
Hoping it would help me calm my lungs from breathing too hard.
Gasping for one fresh air breathed inside me,
Containing me from within, turning something warm to coldness.
Frozen up my emotion in place, getting ready to fire the last bullet in my gun.
As I said what I shouldn’t have...all those tears I know you cried after...
I know them even when I turn away and left first... with the last hanging word goodbye.”

I'm just a gentle soul....

What I love about rainy days,
Is how being drenched and cold the feeling were,
It’s the only time I felt really secure and safe by myself.
It’s the comfort I got while hugging myself,
I felt like I could touch my soul from within.
It’s like being able to express your pain while crying,
As it kept pouring heavily, makes one feel that you’re not crying alone.
Even as I stood there in pain and regrets,
It’s the pouring rain that slowly washed away the heartache.
Making life worth living with again.
And when I kept running away from the loneliness the world kept throwing me into...
In the rain I’ll know how to slowdown my pace and stop,
Gather my courage and strength so when it stops raining I could look up at the sky,
That painted the beautiful seven wonders telling my heart I’m stronger now...
And that nothing could hurt me again.
But most of all what I truly love about the rain,
Is how I was myself, that no one knew I always was.... Just another gentle soul.

throw me away

My mistakes....
It was not yours to carry,
It wasn’t yours to hold,
What i tried to hide,
Was not easy for me to hush away with it.
But now that the tables turned,
You already knew,
So don’t carry on pretending,
Like an idiot when you were hurting inside.
Let me go, leave me here.
My mistakes,
No matter what the reason i did it for,
The blame is not for you to shoulder,
What you should do now is leave,
Because no matter how much you want to stay or
How much i’ve loved you for,
This will only wound us both in the end. So leave.
There are things that time will make it change for the better,
But not my mistake, there will always be some hurt left,
Even after so many years passed by.
Don’t tell me about love,
Love is only second to how you felt inside now.
Don’t force me either.
Because is so much i could take,
But another scene of your tears falling.
I’ll take this last gamble and push you away.
If you don’t leave first,
You’re making it harder for me.
So please go away, throw me first.
Like how you would throw away a useless toy.
I wouldn’t blame you for my tears.

Hurtful

My heart oh my poor heart,
It’s the pain,
It hurt the most right now,
Even as I’m screaming out,
My heart still cries the pain inside.
The love is almost gone,
Vanishing away with my memories,
Why must my love be hurt?
The pain is traumatising,
The happiness is fading as well,
Soon when all the good things gone...
Oh my poor heart...
How hurtful it’ll become then.
Happiness is such fragile,
My love you hurt me the most right now.
It wasn’t easy for us,
But the struggle is just too much,
The pressure is weighing heavy,
Any more chances of us trying,
Will only result to how much hurt this love will be later.

Don't

Don’t look at me,
The tears are flowing out.
Can’t deny the pain.
This misery is too hard for one to silent.
Don’t blame me for leaving now,
It’s just too much for me to take.
I can’t swallow the lies,
It’s hurtful to pretend.
To lie over and over again.
To hide it all from inside.
My soul is bursting.
The pain is not leaving.
I got hurt when you first lie,
I was wounded as you betrayed me after.
This is all too much for me to contain.
So allow me to leave.
I can only try my hardest to pretend,
To not see this coming.
All the things that happen,
I don’t deny part of it was brought upon me.
But I cannot stay here anymore.
This last time, as l turn away,
Don’t look at me,
Don’t try to hold me anymore,
Let me cry for this one last time,
Till my heart content...

What happiness is...

Happiness... is a fragile piece of glass,
It so fragile that one’s heart can never fully contain it.
Its thinness reflects the light as it shine.
Its thinness gives off a heart breaking feel when at hand.
Happiness,
No matter what amount of water poured within,
It’ll always overflow.
Soon you’ll realised that no matter how much Happiness we try to gasp,
The amount will never stay the same.
They’ll overflow and become wasted.
Don’t you feel the pinch?
The pinch of letting happiness passed us by.
No matter how much we wanted to hold on to it.
At times we just had to let it go,
Soon we realised how much we had wasted while pretending,
To love and cherish it while it’s within our grasp,
And how much it hurts to lose all of it as we stay denial.
Happiness... how much we all always prayed it’ll stay.
Stay long enough so everyone can share our happiness.
But everyone can only desire a different kind of happiness.
Some comes from the pleasure of pain,
Getting hurt to love and watch the wounded cry.
While some comes with payment of penny and dime.
This happiness can only satisfy the superficial needs.
These are not everlasting happiness.
What do we understand of true happiness?
One that comes from sacrificing and giving.
We shouldn’t keep a certain happiness that’s not ours to keep,
Some times as we let them go,
Happiness itself will come for us,
In giving we find what happiness really means to an individual.

Welcoming 2010!!!

NEW YEAR!!!

It only means a new beginning. New chapter to write, and lots of new learning to learn! there is many to give and lots hopping to receive in return! so new Year pls be better then the past!