Don’t

Don’t turn back, I tell myself that everyday...
But why is it, that every sight of her from my memories,
I kept looking back at what I left behind.
Don’t forget, I tell myself that everyday...
But when I yearn to be hold by her,
My words... I forgot them already.
Don’t hold on anymore, I tell myself that everyday...
Still, whenever I saw a glimpse of hope,
In her action and be mine again...
My faith betrays my pride by making me cling on for more...
Don’t be hurt, I tell myself that everyday...
But when it’s her... I forgot my words,
And always end up getting more hurt by what she did.
Don’t cry... I kept reminding myself that everyday...
But why is it that thought of her,
Brings so many tears to my eyes.
Don’t... Don’t ever forgive...
I promise myself I never would...
But I can never seem to keep my promises...
Because I love her too much,
That even when the most painful of pain,
And the most hurtful of betrayal.
A mother gives her child; I choose to forgive her,
Because i wanted her life to be better,
Even without me in her life.

Stop... Please Stop.
Don’t live your life like a pathetic child,
I tell myself now and forever,
Because i must wake up to realise,
That no matter how much i pray for her to stay,
She never will... i should never loved her too much,
I should never want her in my life,
I should never kept her with me,
So if i choose to move on without her,
Would happiness stay with me longer?
I deserve to be happy, don’t i?
So i must still learn to throw all of her out of me
Time... oh dearest time...
Tell me you’ll make it better for me,
Tell me you’ll teach to live better,
Tell me you’ll take all my pain away,
Promise me you will...
Time, no matter how long you take,
Please show me a life where there is no memories of her,
And no more pain from all the past wounds,
Help me heal them so i could forget...
I will try my hardest, that is my promise....
So don’t... don’t leave me here by myself again.

Heart... One last beat

I only have one last breath...
One last moment,
One last chance,
One last touch,
And one last beat in my heart...
With only having this one last till forever...
I must still force myself to hide my love...
He must never know my true heart,
Nor must he ever hear the secret beneath my lies.
I couldn't say out my love,
Because I didn't want him to hang around long enough,
Only to watch his own heart tore apart,
Because I had to leave.
I’m leaving not because I hate it...
But because my time has arrived.

The most broken part of me,
Is the stabbing pain in my heart?
When I let him go to her...
Her whom I’ve choose to replace me.
In his heart...
I knew from that moment on...
There’s’ no turning back for me...
I must grip my hand and watch him leave...
I couldn't love him,
Because my heart has already broke...
I don’t deserve to be loved at all.
I’m hanging by a moment,
Till my end comes to me...

With so little time left,
How could I tell him about my heart?
When I’m breathing only to stay here longer...
And my heart is like a ticking bomb...
It’ll only take one last beat....
One last beat from my heart,
And I’ll disappear from this world...
How can I give him my weak heart?
When it barely had enough life,
To sustain my soul...

Even when i'm desperate...
I still wouldn't tell him about my heart...
I rather he not know about it,
And watch him cry in regret,
When I lie about my love that was there for him...
It’s my way of saying goodbye...
My way of bringing two people,
Who share this last moment of my life?
The happiness they deserve above my own...
Don't blame God for taking it way,
I’m just thankful that till my last breath,
He finally gave me someone to love...
Even when He knew my time is ending...

Bleed

Bleed
I want you to bleed for me,
Bleed like i do,
Feel your heart pump and pound,
'Til each drip drops,
And finally you'll be drained.
You'll feel just as weak,
Your sight will be just as bleak,
Your sanity will slip away,
Following the blood that pours,
Watch as it glows with what was your essence.

No point in crying your prompted tears,
They only blacken those eyes,
Try seeing through the dark,
Pray for the caress of solace,
Receive a lasting hopelessness in its place.
You'll feel you're dying,
But whats worse you're still breathing,
Still bleeding and never seeing,
Never understanding,
How i can do it all on my own.

MUM..

You called...
Called to tell me what you needed me to know,
God must have been kind to you,
Despite the pain you put me through...
He still gave you a ray of hope.
But if you can’t read between the lines of miracle he gave,
Then it‘ll be your lost this time.

Mum you called,
The happiness,
They came to me like a gush of wind,
Blowing and storing me with those cool gentle breeze,
But as we talk further,
This happiness slowly begins to fade...
You didn’t call because of me,
But because there is something you want from me....

Happiness...
They came and go they please.
They often left me struggle in between.
Mum... you made me a very confuse girl...
I spent days thinking how to make it through...
But I came to conclusion...
My happiness will come after this.
I don't know why I'm certain...
But I know I deserve it so much more than you know it.

A goodbye will come to end this pain,
A new chapter will begin.
I 'm sure this goodbye will be my last,
And seeing you would be my farewell to my past.
I say my goodbye this time,
Without tears to cry, or even a trace of regret.
I pray for your happiness till forever...
As long as my heart till pump life in me...
I would say my goodbyes... and kept my promise,
As long as you keep yours in return....

my heart... oh my heart...

my heart... oh my heart...
how much more must you tolerate this,
how long more would you pretend?
how many times have you ignore this torment?
how will you free your life from this suffering.
it's not wrong to love,
it's not wrong to give for love...
it's not wrong to withstand it's obstacles.
but its a painful to be treated like a toy.
it's hurtful to be played like a ball....
and be ignorant to it's mistakes.

my heart... oh my heart...
you love him for all this while,
because you do,
you give and give till you barely had enough,
your heart hurts and cry,
you cry till no more tears left to tear.
you silence it well that even people don't see,
how painful it was here.
you only wanted to protect it,
guard it from being broken,
hold it for as long as you could.
you got hurt because you cared.
because you never let go....

my heart.. oh my heart...
pain, they wouldn't leave.
even when at its last stage,
the pain will only stay,
it'll get harder for you,
it'll make you want to give up...
the tears you cry will dry off,
that when breaking up the most hurtful thing,
you unable to cry no more.
the torment will get tougher,
so tough that you could barley hang in.
you'll get your heart broken over the time,
that after leaving him,
your heart only left a smallest piece,
like shattered glass on the floor.

my heart... oh my heart...
They say happiness is like thin glass of water,
The more you fill the glass, it'll overflow.
Too much happiness can make one greed for more.
That they often never see the trouble would come.
Like any thin glass... once broken...
It’ll shatter to pieces, even if you try to mend them...
It’ll never be able to look like once before.
Even the water can never be filled to its fullest.
Likewise a heart... too much of love,
Can only bring pain,
And when it's hurt and broken,
The feelings will wear off...
Even when you try to fix the relationship...
There can never be the same trust or the same love to share