Forgiving a Mother

I tried rewriting the same lines…
But no matter how hard I tried…
I can never avoid the fact that there is some hatred inside me…
People said there will come a time where forgiveness is all I have for you…
But when will it come?

You see, it’s not easy to forget how you looked at me.
With all that anguish feelings and that dirty sight that you throw straight to my face.
You left me wondering what I had did wrong…
Maybe back then you hate looking at your past…
I knew you tried so hard to leave me and your past behind…
That meeting me…
Brought down the wall you spent years trying to block out of your life…

But this time of need,
You seem to had no choice but to need me for a purpose.
I know had you were given a better option for your son…
I would not me one of them…
Who would want to look back at a mistake, right.

I spoke to someone recently,
Everything about us… I told her everything.
It’s not that simple… but I needed some venting to do.
The thing you want, it’s not something easy.
I just can’t seem to make a decision yet.

Talking to her made me realised one truth.
The time is almost here… the moment I’ll finally learn to forgive you.
Before I start… just let me said this much.
These years without you hasn’t been the most joyous nor something that I’m proud of.
It’s been very painful and tearful road for me.
But I only had God to thank for,
Had I’ve been else where I might not turn out to be this strong a person before you.

I decided… I’ll forgive you in my own ways.
I’m not good with words so I’ll give you what you want.
As long as it’s within my effort, but if the outcome doesn’t bring you hope.
Then I apologised right now.

But had fate been on your side, and I did manage to bring you that hope…
Had I went through the procedure till the end, and give you all that you need.
Promise me one thing…
That would be the last time I ever had to see you or do you anymore favours.
If forgiveness is what you seek…
Just know that giving you that hope… is me forgiving you already.