my heart...

My heart…

Hear my last words…
I wished I had treated you better.
For all those pain and hurtful things I did…
I’m sorry….

It’s not that I don’t love, but for love…
I hurt and got hurt at the same time as I left you hanging on.
I wouldn’t ask to be forgiven or forgiveness,
Only a chance to say goodbye would be enough.

I wounded your pride, broke your heart and made you cry.
If only I had extra time,
I swear I fixed it for you before I leave.
I lied when I say that your love was not enough,
And that I feel suffocated by your presence…
Back then I said it because I wanted to force your love out of me…

All this time… I kept asking myself…
How do I tell you that I was dying. My days are limited.
And that I was afraid of not being with you.
I can’t imagine you pain for me in death.
So I got scared, I rather hurt my own heart and force out your love,
And make you leave me.

I prayed that god would be kind enough,
To give me strength and turn my heart cold enough,
So I could hurt you and watch you leave as I faced with your tears…
I even asked Him for a chance to let me continue to love you,
Till my very last breath…

I hurt you and watched my own heart break…
So love please leave, you deserved better.

Although, I broke us up, never once I regretted it.
In those days I was left hanging, deep inside I knew God hear my prayers,
To grant you someone worthy to love you, When I couldn’t.
You found love again while getting hurt.
I couldn’t thank her enough for all the things she did for you.
I’m happy knowing your life was better without me…

Someday if this truth should reveal its identity,
Don’t feel bad about what you did to me, or
How I made it through days crying silently missing you.
It was not your fault that things ended this way…
It was all mine…

While in pain and suffering,
It was thoughts of you that and everything about you,
That keeps me going through my medical sessions.
My memories of you was my source of strength.

Promise me!
You’ll never cry for our love that is already gone.
Just hold on to her and live with happiness for my sake.

I’m sorry that I’m dying,
I’m sorry for leaving you like this.
My heart would remember you…
Your love that you’ve given me was enough to last a lifetime.
I’m blessed and thankful to have met you.

So don’t feel bad for me.
I’m sure I had live to the fullest because of you.
So here is my final goodbyes….
Goodbye my heart…
Goodbye my love…

What Hurt the most...

What hurt the most.

It’s not being framed that pains my pride,
But the fact that you don’t trust me that hurts the most…
I don’t care for the world, whose eyes looked at me as a stain,
But it’s you, my friend whose words not only wounded my pride but also question my integrity…

If you must know of a certain truth… so be heard.

It’s not about pride or revenge that made me tell the truth that day,
But it’s about doing what’s right! Cause me to take action.
I could be like the guilty who kept it a secret, but if you must know…
If I had followed your thoughts of hiding it…
An innocent would pay the price… while the guilty becomes free.
By the way, I could get it covered and let others lie on our behalf …
But you must know, by doing so the guilty would not learn.

Looking at you break down in exhaustion for this matter,
Was the reason why I could never bring myself to tell you,
What punishment I received…
Watching you tear that day I even wished I had enough courage to reach out to you.
But I was a coward so I silently took it all in and blamed myself..

At the end of the day…
Doing what’s right made me realize a grave mistake,
It drew me a clearer picture of not only the guilty… but also about you!
A side I never expect to know of…

I must say…
It surprises me to know the way you think…
Especially when you wanted me to apologized for a mistake I did not do,
And the words you told to others about me…
My friend I was disappointed…
No words could described my greatest pain that was stabbed to my heart…

Ever heard about 4 rules of being someone friend?
Rule One: You respect them as an individual.
Rule Two: You give the best memories and expect no refund
Rule Three: You trust them no matter what the circumstances led you.
Rule Four: Be sincere and honest even if it hurts.

I must say it now or forever be a fool.
I never thought I would say this…
I never regretted even as I inflicted a lot of pain to others.
But for this matter alone… I had two regrets…

I still believed we could have been best of friends…
Now I regret trusting you like a friend does and now worst…
I regretted knowing you in the first place…
So why don’t you tell me…
How could you expect to trust someone,
When they throw your sincerity and your trust back to your face,
Like it doesn’t mean anything…

Goodbye

Goodbye….

I may regret it so hard.
Like the night I had to let my precious first love go.
Tonight… I will let somebody precious go, again…
But I pray for her happiness always…
Behind you…

She slowly stepped into my world.
I loved her warm smiled that melt my heart.
I’m so fortunate.
To build treasured memories in such a short time…

Those two are so precious to me,
So I had to walk away.
It’s just my joy to see them happy.
But I didn’t know why my heart is aching this much…

Her first kiss brought me revolution to my heart.
Second kiss brought,
Beginnings and end of my love at the same time.
And at that night…

I realized everything would turn into only memories.
It’s sad but my place is not beside her.
All I can do is keep her happiness.

Behind her…
So she cannot be hurt.
I will be right behind her, to support her.
So that she could turn to me whenever things get hard.
I’ll be right here… behind you.