I'm better off like this...

There so much pain from the past.
That even after so many years passed by,
It’ll only hurt more than yesterday.
There is this guilt that never fades off,
And the price one had to pay is a lifetime of pain and loneliness.
Although they don’t demand a payment for being hurt.
But it was because of me that they were hurt and became broken later.
No one can picture their pain,
But I’ve been watching them cry that painful wound.
Even when they claim I was a gift in their life,
Even when I always knew they loved me for myself.
But I could never truly be a part of them as a family.
I never blame them for the hurt I got while staying,
Or even the scars that I had on my back for loving her.
Because I loved them as they were my own.
When my very own refuse my existence.
I was always grateful for them,
That even while getting hurt with this final blow,
I still choose them above all.
I choose my pain and took theirs as well.
If what I had to give, could shine a light of hope in their soul,
Then I don’t see my lost as something hurtful to bear.
People don’t understand my reason of letting go,
Nor will they understand my sacrifice as a child.
But what I given them is nothing compare to what they did for me,
A nobody whose mother wishes she’ll just die sooner.
I admit but still... in the mitts of being here by myself with no one.
I still believe I’m better off like this without them here with me.