Try our Best... it not enough

Sometime we try,
Tried our best,
Tried our hardest...
Give all have...
To love someone in return...
It’s difficult to love if your heart is ripping apart

We both know where we went wrong,
God know how much it hurt,
Just to stay like this a little longer,
We both also know how much regrets,
Regrets we each have for this love,
Still all we kept doing was tearing our heart.

You knew I couldn't stay,
I had to leave to be free from the pain,
You knew I cannot accept,
Accept this failure to love and hold you,
Because it was you,
Who left me here hanging...?

I also knew about this secret affair,
You had with her...
It’s my weakness that refuses to acknowledge,
What was already in front of my eyes?
Till the point of which I saw how,
We all got hurt because we kept lying,
To stay together....
See now our relationship became so meaningless.

You knew I could never return to you,
You could never come to me no more,
We could never return to the past,
Where we both were so in love...
So why not just end this.
End all this foolish things,
How long more are we going to inflict pain?
In each other’s lives...
How long more should we cry in silence,
Just how long more must we pretend to love?
If we already have our heart because we use to love...

The Letter

I went home one afternoon,
And saw a letter written,
With my name on it.
I couldn't say a word as I stood there,
Staring at my hand holding a letter.
Thousand things kept coming to me,
Millions of words spoken at the same time...
So depressed, so confused.

That letter...
What is written in it?
What would it say?
I wasn't prepared to read it.
But somehow a whisper tells me...
“I should because it's important."
I took a paper knife,
Cut open the envelope.
There inside was a white piece of letter...
I saw the initials it belongs to him...
My life, my love....
One whom i await so long to return,
Finally wrote me his first and last letter.

I read each word carefully,
And struggle to read it to the end,
Once I'm there, I only had tears,
Coming down my eyes...
It hurt so much to know this truth...
Why? After so many years?
Why now?
I spend years waiting for you to come back,
And this final goodbye is what I got.
You apologise for leaving,
Leaving by telling me to wait for you.
You apologise for hurting me,
Hurting by telling me what you already did.
You apologise for telling me lies,
Lies that I never knew existed.

This letter that you say your final goodbye in...
It hurt to know everything now...
The suffering and the sorrow that accompanies
Me through these years...
I really loved you,
So why must you do this to me?
You had affair with my best friend,
And you left because for her sake too...
Now that you're already gone...
With this truth what do you expect from me?
My best friend.... why?
Why must you hurt me like this?
I hate you...
I hate you for everything...
I hate you but still,
As I held this letter,
All I could do right now is crying this painful feeling away...

How?

How to love someone...
How to truly love someone?
Someone who already left you here for so long.
Someone who never care what you went thru in past,
Someone who never loved you before?
How do you love someone whose heart is never here for you?
Whose love was never meant for you to hold?
How do you hold them close to tell them what you felt?
If they never cared for you over the years...
How do you reach out to them to hold their hands?
When deep in their heart they wished you just disappear.
How could you try so hard to look at them in the eyes?
Whose stares leave the feeling of disgusted in you.
And still say a little pray for their happiness above your own.
Don’t you just hate yourself for being a fool in hunger for their love?
Don’t you hate them for leaving you here?
Don’t you despise them for all the pain and sorrow they put you thru?
Still....
How could you be so noble as to forgive even when your heart is?
Crushed to pieces....
You only have one heart,
Not too big, just a size of your fist...
But it's noble and generous of you to forgive them
Even when it hurts so much....
How do love this kind of people?
Honestly they'll never understand... i know.

Died

You never knew...
You never understand...
You will never see...
You refuse to hear...
You could never feel...
You should never give me life...

This scar on my wrist...
They were gifts from you.
The day I took that knives,
Slit my wrist,
And let the blood flow...
This thick puddle of blood stain,
I left them on the floor.
I'll never forget it.

My wrist didn't hurt that bit,
But my soul pained,
Like millions of knives stabbing it apart.
You who never was there,
Could never ever read my behaviour that day.
It wasn't about attention or money,
It was I rebelling against you,
You only see me here,
But I hold no meaning to you.

My blood that flow out of me,
It shows how that instant,
I hated my guts, my life...
I wanted nothing of you,
Left printed in me.
For it's such a painful memory of you,
That I cannot hold to have anymore.
I hated myself to be a part of you,
Even more knowing that,
We shared the same blood.

I slit my wrist the second time,
I didn't wish to live anymore,
I didn't wish to be forgiven by anyone,
For being stupid at that time,
I didn't regret dying if I could...
The blood kept flowing...
My vision became unclear...
For all I know my surrounding became dark again.

A new day has began...

Some say a reset button is pressed, for the day to begin on a new phase.
Some say say a new day means a new chapter another beautiful moment in life...
As for me a new day means a a day further from my past.
I realise i cannot run away from it,
But that doesn't mean i cannot forget them.
I must believe in my future.... that's all it takes to see a miracle.

The day begins with me telling myself to stop.
Stop crying for them who already left.
Stop looking back at those who had left.
Stop looking back on what i cannot change,
Stop thinking of those hurtful thing.
Stop just stop....

Another day had left me here.
I shouldn't choose to be trap in this time,
When the time itself never stop moving.
I must grow up, find myself again...
I should let go, because there is no point holding on...
If all of them already left me here again.

Another day has left,
The new day begins with a new sun rise...
So i must let myself be willing to step forward
I must allow myself to see another happiness will come.
Because like someone once told me...
" My child... for all that you been through,
happiness is what you deserve in return for all that pain."

When the heart weaver...

When the heart wavers, the love is almost gone.
There’s so much words left unsaid.
This loneliness fills the empty space between us.
The word "regret" no longer expresses our deepest feeling.
But the impact of pain strongly lingers within the depth of our soul.

When the heart wavers, the love is almost gone.
Nothing can be done when the heart is in pain.
The breaking point just waits till the heart becomes weaker.
A piece that's so fragile is at stake.
That even the tape of forgiveness can't put it back together.

When the heart wavers, the love is almost gone.
The ending would come bringing lots of goodbyes.
So much was meant to be spoken.
But like any fool we both were...
All this was left hanging by on its own.

When the heart wavers, the love is almost gone.
Time... please pause. Even for a seconds more.
Here we stood facing each other.
No sound, so voice to speak or even cry...
Where did we go wrong? No answer was given at all.

When the heart waver its last beat “goodbye”... love has already gone.
A step back taken as we turned away...
The look of our back only shout out the word "Sorry'.
But the ears cannot hear the heart cry...
Such miserable pain and so much guilt follow our every footstep.