bukan permainan..

Cinta…
Jika engkau harus pergi, Pergilah… buat selamanya
Tetapi jangan kau bawa hati ku bersama.
Jika seama ini cinta yang kau miliki adalah satu penipuan…
Semata- mata untuk mempermainkan cinta ku…
Rela aku kau tinggalkan sendirian begini.

Cinta..
Jika aku bagaikan satu permainnan.
Ingat satu perkara... Perbezaan antara kami.
Mainan tak punya hati... tak punya inginan.
Tapi aku punya...
Aku punya hati yang ingin dicintai and mencitai seseorang..
Aku punya hati yang ingin dimiliki dan memiliki seseorang.
Aku punya hati... bukan untuk di permainkan atau dipersendaka.

Oh cinta,
Ingatkah kau pada suatu perkara yang pernah ku katakan dulu.
Aku mempunyai hati,
Dalamnya ku simpan tempat khas buat mu.
Tetapi jika takdir mu bukan untuk ku,
Akan ku simpan kenanggan manis bersama mu disiti selamanya.

Tetapi cinta kalau kebenaran itu sangat menyakitkan hatiku.
Maafkan aku jika aku membenci cinta kita.
Jika kemaafan yang kau inginkan...
Bukan saat ini...tetapi di suatu masa nanti.
Aku akan berdoa Allah akan memberi pertunjuk pada ku,
Supaya aku bisa memaafkan kesalahan mu.

You could no longer lie...

It’s obvious that you lie…
Because you got hurt then… so bad that your heart drowned with hatred.
You swallow your heart and face her…
Hoping that the new you could torment her heart…
All this for the sake of that need for revenge,
Without realizing…
Your true heart got caught as the truth begins to unveil.

In her eyes,
There is a truth that no one knows…
The days she spent waiting for you, missing you…
These three years she spent searching for you.
No one knew what that pain felt like,
Everyday was a torture that you never get to know about at all.

Because while she was crying out to you.
You changed and thought of ways to get back at her.
But when you came back to your senses….
You saw her tears begging for you to come back…
But then you could never find the courage to be true to her.

While you continue to lie,
You begin to cry for your love…
Deep inside you the part that you tried to throw away...
Those memories of her kept coming back stronger…
Until a certain point, you could never hold back no more.

You cried once after pretending to be your old self.
Knowing what she had been through left you confuse
between delusion and reality.
After refusing to hear her explanation,
You ran away and hide yourself then cried so hard…
As she sat down begging and crying… calling for you.
You got up and ran away further.

Had there been a mirror that reflects a heart…
Your’s would have been not only obvious,
But the most honest and truth about your love…
About how you longed for her,
It would have reflected your undying love for her.

You can’t lie too well.
Since then at every turning point…
Your heart got caught too easily…
You cried for her pain,
Made you want to keep running to her every time you saw
her bearing her heart out missing you.

Had it been in better circumstance…
You would had believe the things she had to say,
Instead of hearing others speak.
Trust only her heart,
And not look at another.
Then maybe the outcome would be different.

Forgiving a Mother

I tried rewriting the same lines…
But no matter how hard I tried…
I can never avoid the fact that there is some hatred inside me…
People said there will come a time where forgiveness is all I have for you…
But when will it come?

You see, it’s not easy to forget how you looked at me.
With all that anguish feelings and that dirty sight that you throw straight to my face.
You left me wondering what I had did wrong…
Maybe back then you hate looking at your past…
I knew you tried so hard to leave me and your past behind…
That meeting me…
Brought down the wall you spent years trying to block out of your life…

But this time of need,
You seem to had no choice but to need me for a purpose.
I know had you were given a better option for your son…
I would not me one of them…
Who would want to look back at a mistake, right.

I spoke to someone recently,
Everything about us… I told her everything.
It’s not that simple… but I needed some venting to do.
The thing you want, it’s not something easy.
I just can’t seem to make a decision yet.

Talking to her made me realised one truth.
The time is almost here… the moment I’ll finally learn to forgive you.
Before I start… just let me said this much.
These years without you hasn’t been the most joyous nor something that I’m proud of.
It’s been very painful and tearful road for me.
But I only had God to thank for,
Had I’ve been else where I might not turn out to be this strong a person before you.

I decided… I’ll forgive you in my own ways.
I’m not good with words so I’ll give you what you want.
As long as it’s within my effort, but if the outcome doesn’t bring you hope.
Then I apologised right now.

But had fate been on your side, and I did manage to bring you that hope…
Had I went through the procedure till the end, and give you all that you need.
Promise me one thing…
That would be the last time I ever had to see you or do you anymore favours.
If forgiveness is what you seek…
Just know that giving you that hope… is me forgiving you already.