Its' coming to the end of the years.. In fact I'm writing these blog at the few hours left till 2008 officially comes to an ending..
I wonder what next year would be like? I'm currently counting the numbers of days till that WOMEN comes home... Now it would be 15 days more...
Knowing that I'm homeless.. doesn't makes breathing or living any easier.... the thought of her coming home and i might cross path with her again scares me..
My new year resolution would be... to live the best i can and nothing else.. I will not ask for a family that i can no longer hope for...
But if God is kind enough to hear my prayer let there be a chance for me to go home just once...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Sides of me..
My sides...
I may be brave and strong from the outside but when facing reality.. I'm as fragile as a glass. I'm so fragile that i breaks easily in a single touch. I'm so transparent that people don't notice me even as I'm standing in a crowd..
People don't see me cry even when I'm torn apart.. It's only because I've never actually cry in front of anyone before.. No one except this heart, knows what i really feel inside.. But i feel pain by just a drop of tears that often seem like bleeding inside me.. Unknowingly
People don't care what i feel because I'm suppose to be empty and emotionless.. What they never knew was the existence side of me that feels and longed.. Times when i envy what others have that i cannot touch and times i feel what people feel Thur their touch..
And if you ask me what loneliness means i can tell you... Because i grew up with that feeling everyday in my life. Can you imagine what i had felt back then, In school when i need to use money to buy a friend. How at a single moment it felt so real that lasted with the bitterness that never goes away..
Unexpectedly I am someone whose very emotional despite my strong character.. There are moment in this life that i yearn to be special in someones life.. Be the strength to people and be the best of myself.. Having family that i could count on, and become best friend to someone.. I wanted to touch life's and fall in love just once.
And in every breath I have, I only asked for just a chance that one day someone would come and see me for what I truly am from the inside..
I may be brave and strong from the outside but when facing reality.. I'm as fragile as a glass. I'm so fragile that i breaks easily in a single touch. I'm so transparent that people don't notice me even as I'm standing in a crowd..
People don't see me cry even when I'm torn apart.. It's only because I've never actually cry in front of anyone before.. No one except this heart, knows what i really feel inside.. But i feel pain by just a drop of tears that often seem like bleeding inside me.. Unknowingly
People don't care what i feel because I'm suppose to be empty and emotionless.. What they never knew was the existence side of me that feels and longed.. Times when i envy what others have that i cannot touch and times i feel what people feel Thur their touch..
And if you ask me what loneliness means i can tell you... Because i grew up with that feeling everyday in my life. Can you imagine what i had felt back then, In school when i need to use money to buy a friend. How at a single moment it felt so real that lasted with the bitterness that never goes away..
Unexpectedly I am someone whose very emotional despite my strong character.. There are moment in this life that i yearn to be special in someones life.. Be the strength to people and be the best of myself.. Having family that i could count on, and become best friend to someone.. I wanted to touch life's and fall in love just once.
And in every breath I have, I only asked for just a chance that one day someone would come and see me for what I truly am from the inside..
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