Reality

Ever try noticing a stain in someones life that can never be removed?
The torturing times they had to go through but never once complaint?
Times when things get tough and there's little room to run.. Where do they hide all that pain?
How does this person find the strength to move forward when their path is not clear?

Since when has people feel what others feel and understand?
Even though thing were as clear as the sky and someone beside them are crying inside yet they were never notice. What difference does it makes if it was happening in reality?

What is reality?
A pain of a truth that doesn't go away? Or a secret from a past that must never be reveal?
Does God mad reality so that it would hurt? Or did God made it so people would learn to accept their past.. even if the past is full of harsh and painful moment that breaks your heart.
If reality is real then what is the meaning of Real? Is feeling called real in your heart or is Real a word used to described the present?
Honestly I'm not sure but i hope God would give me a sign to accept what he called Reality... to be Real

MY Birthday

Two days ago was my birthday 12 NOvember..

It marks the most important day in my life.. The day my freedom begins.. I wanted to make up this day for the past of 17 years living in a shadow, being beaten, crying in the rain and most importantly.. left heart broken alone..

I wnated so badly to be at home with a family.. Singing a birthday song and cutting a birthday cake.. So i made a trip home just to stand by the window looking at the brother i once had, that shares this special day with me but was never hurt..

The warmness of the eniroment stab me so bad in the heart that if anyone was standing there you could hear it cry and felt the stain of blood pouring on the floor..

Although it hurt so much to want something you can never touch.. But i hope this day would be a good start in that family lifes living a future without me..

Today...

Its' been awhile since I was this honest to god... Although he knows who i was but still being honest to him is like being honest to a mirror looking at yourself and reflect what you did.

I told you then i was jealous of a sick kid..

But when she found out what i really was "A child that has Nothing.." from the only thing on my back(the scar) that never provide me with any strength. She befriended me.. She ask of what i went thur.. She must have shared her surprised.

You know i was surprised that while i was envying her. Just like me she was jealous of me too. She wanted so much to live just a moment longer.. to fall in love.. and to be loved.. most of all she wanted to make her family proud of her...

Her jealousy got me thinking.. what i need in life. A family that i can never touch.. A love that never existed or a friend that is long gone. Still no answer.

Honestly what do i have that she should be so jealous about?? I wanted so much to be in her shoes more then anything in this world..