Don't fear

I know it gets very scary everyday... 

When you put yourself out there.

Especially if you already knew that time is about to give up on you.

You get so afraid to start living,

Because of all the pain you might leave behind when you're gone.

You're not dead yet,

So don't live life you dying...

Did you ever wondered...

How it feels to die with so much regrets in your heart..?

Just by not trying... Not taking  the chances...

Without risking anything, And just vanished with so much regrets...

I don't know what you're waiting for, but...

Even if you could only lived for just a day,

Love as much as you can while you're alive.

Do all that your heart had desired without fearing what would happen tomorrow.

Risk everything you have because time just can't wait for you..

Take the first step to come out of your little shell of fear,

Put in all the effort to run to him,

Tell him how you had felt,

And not care for what his answers might just be.

Because God have a way of surprising you with little miracles.

Even if it only lasted a moment in your life.

So fear nothing... 

Just keep living as desperately as you have to every minute.

~cyrano dating agency.. Ep12

I hoped...

I hoped he's happy.

Even when I'm not there.

I truly hoped he'll find happiness.

Firstly, I apologised for the sudden leaving.

But I don't want to burden him with myself anymore.

I know how he had  loved the dying me,

So much that, I'm grateful to had spent these last few breath being so loved.

He struggle so much everyday know that I had to leave soon.

His tortured eyes that refused to shed tears.

And his half broken heart that cried pain screaming inside his tired soul.

I know it, even when he bravely his them from me.

Every night while sleeping next to me holding my hand.

I took every minute the opportunity to look deep in his face,

And cry for every miserable minutes he spent loving the sickly me.

But he wouldn't move a step even if I literally scream him to leave.

And all those time when I felt my sickness got worst.

I thank him for all cuddle he gave to help me through my painful treatment.

They give me strength to keep fighting... As how much I felt comfort in.

Now when my time here is up, I hoped he never try to make me stay.

Let me go willingly if he must. 

We can't force God to render a chance nor avoid what He had to take.

But if we had truly loved sincerely, 

I know we will meet again at an appropriate place and time.

Secondly... I hope he would not hold back,

He deserve so much love and care,

Someone whom is capable to walk next to him and cuddle him everyday.

Someone better but just not me.

I prayed that when she finally reach his doorsteps,

"Please don't denied yourself from the happiness that comes.

Accept it with open heart... "

He just deserved someone better... But just not someone like me.