Death

Is this what it felt like...
The excruciating pain inside your heart, the pain of death drawing closer to your soul.
The words your rearranged over and over again in your mind...
Nothing comes out right in the end.
So all was left was the sudden emptiness inside your heart.
Try running your life against time,
Knowing that death is coming to take your loved ones,
And you could only stood there watching the show...
The clock is ticking,
The level of blood gushing through your veins and the pouring rain leaking from your eyes,
Even the warmest hand you held on becomes so cold,
The pale looking soul lying on the bed with all the attached wires either stuck to the skin or phreak through...
The look of pain that pale soul reflected on his face.
Nothing you can do but try to be strong for him until the end...
A glimpse of light, lighting up a moment of hope that awaits in despair.
In every minute of silence you took, while trying so hard not to shed one tear and smiling that half hearted happiness...
"Death is still coming" that's what God whispers to us all...
Nothing can stop death...

"I waited patiently,
Not knowing when his last breath will be,
So scared and so afraid,
That if he's gone.
How I'll live afterwards,
Darkness...I know you too well...
Emptiness.. I met you before...
But if life without him...
How will I make it through?"

Rained again

It rain again today, just as heavy as yesterday.
The world can shower from the sky,
While my shirt was showered by both the sky and the tears falling from my eyes,
My heart broke that very time,
You only turn and walk your way,
Leaving behind nothing but empty trail,
The tears I shed was not my first for you,
Cried a few times before but today shall be the last.
I didn't understand why it ended.
But somehow I like to believe that you're happy with someone else out there.
It hurts to know that you're leaving,
But I cannot be here to held you back if you're not happy with me.
I'm letting go, it may be best if I did that earlier instead of us being together but tortured inside.
Still all the times we were made for each other,
I hope as little the happy times we shared, there would never be a moment of regret in it.
Love works in such that sometimes in a breath all happiness comes but another turn all the pain just takes away everything with it.

Cinta...

Cinta,
Fahamilah hati ini,
Percayalah jika aku cinta,
Kau lah satu – satunya.
Aku ingin cinta sehebat cinta Rasul,
Ketika beliau mencintai interinya,
Bertapa dalam cintanya tertulis buat khadijah,
Sedalam lagi cintanya buat siti aisya.

Aku tak pernah meminta yang lain,
Setiap kali aku menadah tangan ini,
Aku berdoa, di depan mu Ya Allah,
Aku berminta, aku bermohon...
Agar kau anugerahkan hambamu ini,
Dengan cinta yang suci,
Cinta yang abadi,
Cinta yang di redhai oleh mu,
Kau berikan daku inssan yang menyangiku,
Kau berikan daku dia yang lebih mencintai mu,
Untuk memimpinku ke jalanmu ... Ya Allah.
Kau lembutkan hatiku untuknya,
Dan dia untuk ku,
Ya Allah...
Kau tunjuklah aku cinta sejati,
Cinta yang kau tuliskan untuk ku...
Aku berjanji... jika suatu masa cinta itu ku gengami,
Aku yakin, Dia yang kau takdirkan untuk ku,
Pasti mendekati jiwa ku dengan mu sampai terakhir nafas ku...

Ask me if I was fine...

Dear friend,
Do you remember asking me how was I doing in these two years... And I said I was fine. I lied!
These two years were not the easiest,
I finally met her... My own Mother,
She never wanted me.
Even with her here... I was declared unwanted, an orphan.
But for an orphan I wasn't poor like others,
She would pay me a large amount of money for a bone marrow...
Had she asked me nicely I would had given it to her for free..
But what is a mother if she only could love her sons but not a daughter...
Ask me what I lack and I tell you a parent... But now if you ask me what I want is a life without her shadow in it...

In these painful two years I learn a valuable lesson...
Independence...
I used to love the feel and trill of being with people...
But now I love loneliness more.
At least it'll hurt lesser then having a pal.
I recalled the day when my own mother hurt me the most,
And despite being here with friends at work no one was here to care or listen,
I spent that day crying on my way hope like some fool...
So now I don't need people anymore.
I never needed them then so now on nothing changed.

Yes I cried sometimes but I also learn to smile again afterwards...
So if you ask me this question after this... My reply would be...
It's been hard but I'm better now then I was before.