Confesion

Dearest…
I’m not sure when you’ll be reading this. Till that day comes, I only hope I would have enough courage to be standing beside you to hold you as you read this.

This is me confessing… so please read.

Firstly, allow me to say… “I’m sorry. I truly am.” If I was brave enough this words would be the first words I’ve said to you in person.

I’m sorry for being so stubborn and so cruel. I read all those SMS that we sent each other every night without fail and trust me I always end up crying my way to sleep. I’ve said lots of cruel things that no friends should have, and I’m sure those words made you cried painfully and with great disappointment. If only I could take it back I swear I would….

To make it worst I said that “I wish we were never friends at all.” I lied, I never regret having you as a friend but it’s me I feel the regrets for. Just note, like Marianne you were just as precious and priceless. I wouldn’t exchange you both for anything in this world except that I would give anything of mine for a chance to befriend with you both again...

But for us to be friends again… it’s difficult! I swear it is. Honestly I’m not sure if you feel what I‘ve felt as I tried to approach you. I can’t help having this sinful and guilty feeling that always put me one step behind you. It’s funny when you are so close but such a distance to hold. I can’t stop thinking of all those painful word I’ve said and the thought of you crying.. Gosh that makes me so afraid of being near you again. So you tell me what should I do now? What if I can’t forgive myself?

If you have knew me well, you’ll know that I don’t like confession but because it you that I hurt and you that I truly wish to say this to. I must say this… I really missed you… I really missed us… I missed talking to you… I missed everything… but I can’t be near you and that is hard for me. I did nothing for you to be proud of. Even in life, there is nothing I did that people should be proud of. I wish you could tell me you hate me instead that would be easier to bear.
But being an Angel you are, I wished I didn’t ask you anything at all… for that I’m apologised for everything I did unintentionally.

Secondly… About Marianne.
Let this be our little secret ok… I think we should just stay the way we are now! It’s good that we are no longer friends because like you I hurt her just as much. Promise me you wouldn’t hate her. She is nicest person I know and I must have been a bad devil to hurt her and broke her heart. I never blame her for all the things she wrote in her SMS… the only thing I regret was I didn’t had a chance to tell her thing I told you.. the truth is I missed talking to her and I missed her smiles…( don’t tell her ok). Just like being around you I too feel the tension and guilt by her presence. If only I could say “Sorry” but no use… All these would sound like an excuse. So it’s ok… for me that we stay this way… Just promise me you’ll not be mad at her for telling me your little secrets.

Since I can’t change what is done… I wouldn’t force you to accept my apologies or befriend me again… I let time heal our wounds and for God( Allah) to slowly take a ways all the guilt we have… If we are meant to be friends… we will someday. Till then my friend, I missed you already.

Yours truly,
Nur’Ain

that how we ended...

What was left of us...

As I’m saying this, I had my fair share of regrets.
As I looked at it as a whole picture,
I couldn’t agree more to a stupidest mistake I did.

A certain precious friend was hurt,
She was badly hurt by me, who only wanted to remove a guilty conscious.
To much regrets, we will never be friends again…

I deserved to be hated by her…
Still I wish I’ve said sorry for making her angry,
Instead of her speak word of hatred,
I rather choose a coward route to deal with it…
That is running away….

I knew that no mater how much sorry I was
All this would sound like an excuse to her...
Still if only I had been brave enough to answer your call,
It probably wouldn’t end this way…

Now that things have been a wild and messy day,
My Sorries will not mean anything…
But an excuse…

But dear friend….
I wish I had enough courage to hear you before,
Fate divides our destiny…
I accept to much hurt knowing that hated me…

So please hear me…
I’m sorry for hurting you and thanks for hating me…
Although it hurt to say goodbye this way….
At least I had enough of your smile before it all ended….

And this is what it should be…..